secondary school open days

[Fozzub]

Hi all, I am new to this. Was hoping you could help me with a question I have for secondary school open days. I am planning to attend one tomorrow, its at 9am. Am I supposed to take my daughter who may be attending that school?

depends on the school. phone and ask.

I think it is up to you. When we looked at one school (a year early) we didnt take dd but we did take her round the school open days when we were seriously considering them.

OK, Thanks for your replies. I have emailed the school and am waiting for a reply. Will just decide tonight I suppose.

Personally, I wouldn't.

Of course, it does depend what sort of parent you are (and what sort of DC DD is!). Personally, I drew up a 'shortlist' of 5 possible comps. We discounted one as the catchment is rigid and expensive. One we (DH or I) visited 'just to be fair' on it; the other 3 were contenders. I found 2 distinct ethoses (ethii??!); 2 felt very 'comprehensive', the third felt just like a GS (I know having been to one!) DS1 would have been fine there but not DS2 and I'm not going to over-complicate my life by having DSs in 2 different schools, unnecessarily! I would have been happy to 'allow' DS to visit either of the 'comp-y' feeling schools in order to make our and his mind up BUT I would have felt the need to carefully tutor him beforehand about not being too swayed by matey teachers, fun-fun-fun activities on Open Day, or where his school friends were going etc etc.

In the end, we chose one more or less for him. We moved into the catchment of the desired comp for DS to go into Y6 of a feeder primary (where 58 of the 60 DC go to said school). He has been well 'schooled' into feeling that this school is 'the best' and I think we've made the right choice. However, our rather less clever DS2 may struggle there (it is fairly academic) BUT, having been in the feeder since Y4 himself, there's no way he'd entertain going to any other school that this comp!

At the end of the day, I personally think it might be a mistake to take a 10 year old on the initial foray. They simply do not have the decision making capabilities or the ability to evaluate, and can be easily swayed by stuff you may not even notice. It can then be hard to persuade a DC that, OK, I know you apparently loved school A and had a fabulous time at Open Day but you're going to school B. Because I saw through the glossy brochure and flannel.

2 of my work mates are going through this at the moment. One wasn't happy with her junior school allocation so 'went purple' as we're calling it. The moment DD spend a taster session at this private, there was no hope for the allocated junior! Cried at the suggestion of it. They are now effectively caught up in paying ££ for the next 9 or 11 years. The other mum told me how the head of one of the local comps was really impressive when she gave a talk at her Y5 DD's primary and how much DD enjoyed her taster day, (Y5, bear in mind). I told my colleague I thought it was presumptuous of the school to offer taster days to Y5's in June, esp as the parents haven't had the opportunity for a shufty, yet! (my friend has effectively 'the choice' of 3 good comps in an expensive, southern city and, imho, is being schmoozed by 'the worst' of them); and that I wouldn't have 'allowed' my DS to go to a Y5 taster day for fear of it colouring his attitude to our final decision, which might be a school he wouldn't have been allowed to spend a day at in Y5 (and I'm not sure I'd want to send my DC to a school that gave up yet more teaching time to advertising!)

I looked at schools then took DC1 and in turn DC2, and listened to their opinion.

One local Comp does taster type days in year 5, most kids return not really wanting to go there because of the toilets and the lack of playground. They are not really as influenced by sales as you might expect. Mine don't go to that comp.

At secondary it isn't as awkward having different kids at different schools as primary.

mummy- mm

About 'sales' does it surely not entirely depend on the style and quality of the package?? And really, I am not entirely convinced that 'the toilets' and 'playground' (Y7? onwards? hardly what you'd call what I mean by 'sales'!) really make as much odds as whizz bang science, some freedom from petty primary rules, very 'I'm your friend' teachers (at Open Day), belonging to a 'bigger whole' should influence them more?

Personally, the fact a Y5 is permitted to make far reaching decisions based on such trivialities, in the Big Picture, is why 9 to 10 year olds should not, imo, (evidently different to some!) be being 'influenced' in Y5!

As for 'not as awkward' (having 2 DC in 2 different secondaries)- surely that is entirely dependent on where the schools are in relation to your transport and work arrangements and the schools' geographical relationship to your home? That might- ahem- vary from person to person. 11 years old is 11 years old.

The thing is what year 5's and 6's are most worried about is being bullied and lost in a big school.

A fun day does nothing to reassure them on this. It tends to have lots of whizz bangs, but the teachers don't get to know the kids. The kids also get to see how big the school is, which often puts them off.
My kids have also been to visits to various private schools, one put on quite a heavy sales pitch, but even so afterwards it was easy to show my DD that a colour highlighter doesn't make agood school.

I have to say that out of 3 local schools, my husband and I preferred one strongly; it was the same school both DC choose. My DD found it hard to choose between two schools, which were my preferred one and another very very good one, in the end she choose our preferred (but I would have been happy for her to have tried to get into the other). My husband and I did quite like one private school, however my DS really didn't like it, so we didn't pursue it, and I have no regrets.

Personally I think kids can see through a lot of the gloss, and may spot things at a kids eye level. I wouldn't either railroad over their choices or let them make the final decision, I can be very persuasive. However, I suppose I am very influenced by the fact my mother didn't even tell me I had the chance to go to one school when I was younger, a school which would have suited me far better than the one I went to.

Our approach was to take dd to schools that we would be happy with and let her have an input to which of those schools she preferred. I was actually rather dubious about her choice - it was out of catchment and she only knew a couple of other people going there. But actually she made a really good decision and is really happy and working very hard with a good mix of friends.

No school is perfect and I think that as parents we can strive too hard to find the perfect school where actually I think that (ruling out the rough very underperforming schools) that most children will thrive and do well where they are happiest. We can guess where they might be happy, but we aren't in their heads.