10 yr old - no homework, no structure, no motivation. What should I do?

[MrsMuddle]

I have 2 DSs, one in P5 & one in P6. DS in P6 is a lovely boy, but very dreamy and not really a "boy" boy IFSWIM. He'd rather play the piano or bake than play football or play station. He's good at starting things, but rarely finishes anything - including books. Last year, he had an older teacher who was quite strict, and who gave out a pile of homework on Monday to be completed by Friday. She was great for him, because he was slightly scared = scared enough to do his homework and keep his writing neat, get to school on time and remember his PE kit. This year, he has a newly qualified teacher. The children all love her, mainly because she doesn't give them any homework or discipline them in any way. They do a lot of "fun" things - yesterday they made pancakes, and last month they had a Burns supper - we live in Scotland. While I agree that these things are important, I feel they are replacing "real" work. Other parents have spoken to the head about the lack of homework, and as a result my DS and three others do maths with the head once a week and work ahead on their own at home. My main concern is less about the work, and more about the change in my DS's attitude. He has got out of the routine of concentrating. He gets dressed at the last minute, and as a result has been late twice this week. But he doesn't care because the teacher won't reprimand him. He seems aimless, and can't even practise his piano for more than a couple of minutes. I'm not a disciplinarian ogre, honest! But there's such a change in attitude since he started with this teacher. In contrast, my other DS, P5, has a strict teacher, heaps of homework, and would do anything to avoid being late to school. I've waffled on, but It's really getting me down. I hate arguing with him before school, shouting at him to hurry up etc. My question is, what should I do? Is this just normal 10- (almost 11-) year-old behaviour? Should I speak to the school? I'm sure that everything is otherwise fine at school. He's got lots of friends and is a happy child.

It is worrying but I saw this in My DS1 last year in P7. He is the oldest in the year, bright but really switched off in P7. He is now at secondary school and has been working like a trojan - lots of homework on different days and for different subjects so he has had to smarten up. Hope it will be the same for you when your DS goes to secondary. With us they are in mixed ability classes for S1 but there seems to be a lot of competition and lots of tests. He is still not very enthusiastic but will always do his homework and gets a small reward (an iTunes download, say) if he does well in the tests. Think it may just be an age thing compounded with being at the top of the primary school.

Think I'll have to go down the reward route, too. Good to know that it may be an age related thing. THanks

Just don't set the rewards too high! Goodness I never got a thing for all the exams I did but then children and times are different now. Don't forget your DS would probably have been going to secondary school this Sept in England, so I do think some of them grow out of primary before others. My DD was 11 in Jan (so probably not much older than your DS) and in P7 and she has been fine with the same teacher as DS1 had.

Hi Mrs M I've got a ds (9) much like yours except that in spite of having the scariest teacher in the school he would still forget homework, put no effort in to his terrible handwriting etc. The only thing that we've found that works is the reward system. he gets a sweet after tea each day for being ready for school on time. Pocket money for completing homework etc etc. the sytem is getting more and more complex but it really works.

Just one niggly point though (with my ex teacher's hat on). I find it a bit hard that you are expecting the school's influence to affect your ds's behaviour at home. I don't think you can really blame the fact that the teacher is too soft on the fact that your ds isn't getting ready for school or doing his piano practice. Hate to say it but at home that's not the teacher's job - it's yours! You seem to be saying that you want his fear of his teacher to extend into your home so he behaves himself for you. The fact that he likes this teacher is worth an awful lot educationally. Don't knock it just because she doesn't frighten the pants off him!

Yeah, shimmy, you're right. The fact that he likes the teacher means an awful lot. Even now, years later, the teachers I remember fondly were the ones I liked - not the ones that my parents thought were the best teachers. I know it's up to me to get the practice done and to get him ready for school. He just seems to have lost the motivation, and I get angry and shout, which is entirely a failing on my part - not his. I feel he's coming home from school a bit bored and unstretched ( not that he'd ever admit that!) and not able to concentrate on anything when he comes home. We had a long talk after school today. He's agreed to fanny about less in the morning, and I've agreed not to nag. Ha! Also, if he takes responsibility for keeping his room tidy and cleaning out the (his!) hamster, he can go "outsider" at school on a Friday, where he can get money and buy his own lunch from the shops in the town. Not sure of the wisdom of letting kids of that age out at lunchtime, but the lollipop people are all on duty. But, hey, I guess that's another thread. Thanks for all the advice.

My son is in year 5-(10yrs old), and gets lots of homework, always has since year 1, Things are getting hard now because he is changeing. He does not want to do his homework when I ask him to, he wants to do it in the last mint, when he wants to. And it is offten rushed and not done to his best. This upsets me, and I tell him to try harder,because I know he can, but he just tells me that HE think I am being horrible about his work. I know he can do better, but he just wants to read before bed(which is 8pm) He loves his books(Harry Potter!). I love him reading but its diffecult. WE have had fights as well, about homework. Maybe its the AGE! He is a lovely boy and so kind and he is also a dreamer! What is a mother to do! Sometimes I just want him to enjoy school, while he can, but I don't want him to be pulled back. He is one of the brightest in the class. Reading and Maths are his top subjects, and he loves them. I think sometimes the school gives him too much work and he does not have enogh time to be a kid? what do you think?