Am I potentially failing ds if I tutor him at home?

[Lacuna]

Ds currently has a tutor for maths and English, who we've been seeing for about 4 months. He spends an hour a week with her and seems to generally enjoy it.

However, I'm becoming increasingly disillusioned with her and am considering ending the sessions once this term is over. Partly it's a personality thing - she and I just don't seem to 'click' and I find her manner a bit strange (she says negative things about ds's school and teachers in front of him, she talks incessantly about her own children when really I'm paying her to talk about mine! etc).

Mostly though, I feel she's just not that good. She repeats work - not intentionally, but by mistake. She said that she would teach equal levels of maths and English but then a few weeks in admitted that she's "not really a maths person" and, indeed, the maths she's doing with ds seems very, very basic. I caught the end of a lesson the other week and what she was saying confused me, let alone ds! It's just not what I was expecting... but at the same time, she could be really good and I've just let my personal dislike of her cloud the issue.

Anyway, I'm thinking that I could do just as well if not better, tbh. Before the tutor, ds and did weekly VR practice and both enjoyed it (most of the time!) I've bought the Bond books and am thinking of just DIYing it. But, I'm not a teacher. What if I get it wrong? All his other close schoolfriends have 'professional' tutors (actually many of them have this one!) and I'm worried that I'm messing up his chances at 11+.

Any thoughts? (and please, don't make this a tutoring vs. non-tutoring thread! His school is lovely but we're not in a grammar area so imo he needs some other input too.)

I am tutoring my own dd - far more satisfying! if you have the time, the ability and the rapport with your child then go for it.

I home tutor too. I got some revision guides and matching workbooks. I find that children learn by doing examples for themselves and repetition. I always try to keep it light and make it fun where possible.

Another advantage of doing the tutoring yourself is that you can do shorter tutorials more often through the week and pick times when dc is not tired.

She sounds shocking. A good tutor has a plan of action for a child. The great ones have it set in stone like a military operation.

Do it yourself if you're happy to (and put the money you save into an account to spur you to stick with it. You'll probably afford a short holiday by the end!)

I'd advise getting hold of KS2 and KS3 Revise books in Maths and English too, as they cover all ground very clearly. I use them in conjunction with practise papers. They're good references if a child is struggling with a specific aspect of work. Or Bond has a 'how to do 11+ Maths' book to accompany their papers. It's worth getting. Usborne's first grammar is a good back up tool too.

Work out a system that your child agrees with and that you can stick to. One paper a week? Two? More? When will you do them? Having a set time could prevent rows and prevarication. A friend of mine used tiny treats as carrots to dangle: if DD did a paper she could make waffles for breakfast, or they'd go swimming at the weekend. It worked a dream for them.

Thanks all. I picked ds up from her last night, after I'd written my OP. As we were leaving, she asked me what aspects I thought she should be concentrating on. I told her that I was, tbh, depending on her to tell me that! Ds says that she never actually checks the homework she's set for him either... I'm wasting my money, aren't I?

Right, will DIY. Oh gawd! I work full time (shiftwork) and am studying for an MSc in my 'spare time'. Finding a schedule isn't going to be easy. But I want to give ds all the opportunities I can, so... hopefully I won't let him down.

Lacuna - google 11+ forum. It's full of really clued up people. Some M-netters say it's scary, but there's one woman there - I think her name is Patricia - who knows everything it's possible to know about passing 11+ and can answer and explain all questions, however impossible. She's really brilliant and generous with her knowledge.

This tutor sounds awful and a waste of money. If you understand the the work your DS is supposed to be covering (and no reason why you shouldn't if it is achievable by an 11 year old) and you have the time and the inclination to tutor him, then, why not? Also bear in mind whether he will listen to you and follow your instructions - otherwise it could be like a teaching your family to drive scenario.

Lacuna, DIY is a real possibility and lots of children get into selective school that way. Patricia in the elelvenplus forum gives good advice specially for the VR preparation.
-Buy the IPS "how to" for the VR, I found them really useful even though DS was already doing well in VR, because they gave him tips and structured his thinking. They don't cover all the types of questions, so get Bond too.

• You will neeed to be very organized, draft a schedule. It sounds like your tutor isn't, so nothing to loose there!

-Get the right books for everything and find out in advance which ones ar considered easy or difficult - don't start with the hardest, he will get frustrated. -Be prepared psycologically for tension, stress, occasional tears of frustration even for the most able children. It seems to be the norm. -For NVR I never found the "how to" books useful at all, it was question of learning while doing tests. But that could be a personal thing. -Lots of reading for the vocab. -I put a new word he didn't know on the fridge everyday. He sees it in the morning, never forgets it again. -Good luck!

Thanks for all your tips, it's good to know there's this help out there!

Have browsed the 11+ site before but will have a proper look. It does seem a bit full-on - I read one thread where a dad was doing 15 hours a week of home tutoring for his son. Am fairly sure that's not the norm though!

I had a chat with ds yesterday about stopping his tutor and he seems quite happy to do that! I guess there will be rewards/bribes involved with DIY but I can live with that... We then did a 9-10 maths practice paper from one of the Bond books together and he seemed to be quite comfortable with it. He likes the scoring sheet at the back of the Bond books - they do like to see their scores go up don't they?

Thankfully our local comp is not out of the question (and tbh most of his schoolfriends will be going there), so this is really just for extra options. I'll need to remember that when the stress levels start to rise!