Is everybody happy with their choice of a selective secondary education over an non-selective one?

[PooshTun]

DS's primary school wasn't particularly academic so he found the transition during the first three weeks at his selective school very tough going. They get three pieces of work a day and in theory they should only take 20 minutes each. In practice, for the first week DS would be up until 10pm doing it. He would then drag himself off to bed half asleep.

Most of his classmates came up from prep schools so they were use to the academic pressure. Also, since they had already been introduced to the material in Year 6 they were whizzing through the homework.

DS's middle initial is 'F' and during those dark days he would often say to us that it stood for 'failure' :(

Things werren't great on the friends front either. Most of his classmates had known each other for years from their time at the prep school so DS found it difficult breaking into these friendship groups. DS ended up going to the library during breaktime because he had no friends to hang out with.

Round about week 4 things started to come together. He got use to the routine, he was coping well with the work and he had made some great friends and friends begets friends.

Now, looking back, DS can laugh at his 'F' is for failure remarks. He looks forward to school, is very active in athletics and music, doing very well academically and was recently made 'editor' of the Year 7 newsletter.

During the first few 'dark' weeks DP and I did doubt that we did the right thing in placing DS at such an academic school. But everyone pushed on and now we are 110% sure that we made the right decision.

But that is us. Any parent out there who have regretted their decison to chose a selective education for their DCs?

I am trying to have a conversation about Year 7 experiences and others insist on introducing tutoring versus non tutoring into this thread. This of course shows that it is ME that is obsessed with the subject of tutoring. You MNetters really crack me up. :o

Tough - In what way has the experience been tough for your older DD?

DD1 is in year 8 in a superselective grammar from a state primary. It is the perfect school for her -- she has friends to share her love (obsession) of books with and is in the middle of her cohort instead of the most clever at everything. Suits her perfectly. I think it will suit DD2 as well - she is currently in year 5 and sometimes gets teased for being a bit nerdy and geeky in her interests and I don't think that would be the case at DD1's school. Fingers crossed she does as well on her 11+ - it is incredibly competitive and our local comp is awful.

DD1 went from a not great state primary to one of the top super selective GSs in the country. The transition was mainly seamless. I've never for a moment had any doubt she is in the right school apart from sometimes when I contemplate the cost of trips or see the blurb about some of the parents events. It is a fact that the majority of kids at the school come from state primaries BUT I think it's clearly also the case that most of them are extremely well heeled. Certainly in DD1s year.

DS is to go to a superseclective school in September (year 9).

I have no reason to doubt this will be the right thing. Though it will be in direct contrast to his sister who attends a school with a much more mixed ability range.

Op - are you a journo? You do seem to have started a lot of threads recently with the sole aiom of trying to start up confrontational - and repetitive - arguments?

No, my dd is v happy, no regrets at all.

bread - I have been called many things here on MN but this is the first time I've been accused of being a journo :o

I thought it would be interesting to hear the experiences of other parents like us who had children at state primary and chose a selective education for their kids.

How does that make this a confrontational thread?

To answer the question, which I don't think I've yet done: I've had lots of children go from a very pleasant but very unacademic school, none of whom are searingly academic children (or definitely weren't in Y7) and they've all been entirely happy. No particular struggles, no homework on many nights (and certainly none until 10pm), mild laziness or moderate boisterousness from three of the boys, yet all adjusted well socially and academically, emerging swiftly with a clear group of friends.

But our school is very good at the induction of Y7's, that must help.

@yellow I'd say very little homework, really - but having said that, I don't micromanage DD1's life and there may be times when I think she is skulking in her room watching classic star trek where she may actually be doing homework.

IME, applying to secondary schools in year 6 is a horrible, angsting stress for many (maybe most) parents but happily the vast majority of children and parents seem very happy with their secondary schools once year 7 is properly underway. This seems to apply to private, state, selective or non-selective and even when children have been offered schools way down on their list of choices. Not sure how it happens but it seems to and it's quite a nice thing, really.:)

A place recently became available in DS's Yr 7 class (dad got overseas assignment) and the vacant place was taken up a kid from the waiting list.

This was January and according to DS, the new kid is struggling to keep up with the class.

I talked to the mum recently and of course I didn't let on that I knew about her DS's problems. She was saying that her DS wasn't making good progress at the indie school that he ended up at in September and she blamed the school. She thought that our school, being much more academic, would allow her son to thrive.

Well, it hasn't worked out that way.

At the risk of being accused of being fixated on tutoring :o I suspect that this kid is average but has been tutored to pass the entrance exams and that the mum thinks her DS is smarter than what he actually is.

DD goes to a good non selective school, in Y8 I moved her to one of the top 10 selective schools in the country, the work was a year behind her non selective school in every subject so I moved her back again. She is doing really well she?s half way through her GCSE course and she?s only in year 9.

@ Poosh. The sermon at St. Paul's was rather more uplifting than the stuff you write on these threads; you might have done well to listen.

This obsession with tutoring and other people's kids is singularly unhealthy and besides:
a) How credible is your evidence that this child is struggling? No teacher would discuss that with you. I assume your info comes from your own DS who is not likely to be a reliable source.
b) Any child coming in half-way through an academic year will take time to settle. I remember vividly (and still crossly) that I was pushed up a year (very much against my will) in the February of Y7 and my top priority was to make friends - I lost all interest in work, for quite some while actually, certainly well into Y8, if not Y9, 10 and 11 too. If this boy is struggling now it may have zero to do with ability or any issue related to tutoring and everything to do with him finding his feet. A term and a half is nothing.

@ Metabilis. Fat chance of micromanaging in this house. But I'm clearly more jaded: I count homework time as any time they shift into the homework room even though experience tells me they're far, far more likely to be tapping out 'like' etc. on fb (they can't do homework or fb in their own room because they share three to a room with no extra space beyond the beds to swing a cat, and no chance of a desk and no internet connection).

Any child takes more than 3 weeks to settle in any school!

@yellowtip - What do I get the impression that you will take whatever isolated remark I make and use it to back up your views?

I mean, here we have a bunch of mostly tutored prep kids thriving and along comes a lone kid that is struggling to keep up and you are going: see, see, see, I told you tutoring is bad.

One kid does not prove your point. I was merely accepting the point that for some kids who are borderline tutoring is bad.

So Poosh, what are my views on tutoring and selective education and where on your plethora of threads have I elaborated on these views and where also have I engaged with you in relation to them?

I have to say that I find many of the things you say fail to follow logically from what you or others have said. In fact I've recently had to mentally prepare myself before reading some of your more long-winded sallies on recent threads, many or all of which fail to make sense.

seeker I think this kid has had Jan-June but even so, that's not long for someone starting mid-year. Certainly not long enough for a competitive parent of a peer to hang out the bunting (themed reference) and cheer.

Yellowtip - Is your life that empty that you feel a need to follow me from thread to thread, read what I post AND then complain what a challenge it is to force yourself to read what I post?

You remind me of those people who write in to complain about a tv program when any normal person will simply change channels instead of documenting each scene that they disproved off.

Oh and I sometimes watch dead stupid programmes for any number of reasons :)

Isn't it? I merely meant that I could see where seeker was coming from. Is that not ok?

Poosh, I almost always only flick on the education threads on MN. It's been impossible for anyone half observant not to notice your recent proliferation of posts and threads. I'm afraid that it's slightly self-flattering to claim another MNer is following you from thread to thread when you appear to be pursuing a policy of anschluss of the education threads in general and the subject of tutoring and selective education in particular.

There, I'll leave that up for Poosh as a response to her post and ask for the earlier one to be deleted, if it breaks guidelines.