Prep schools in north london - are we being naive?

[clbj]

We registered our 2yo DD with 3 different non-selective prep schools in North London to start in their nurseries. We have already been rejected by one, for reasons not given (though as they only met us, not DD, we clearly didn't cut the mustard as potential parents!) and have been told by another we really like that we only have a chance of a place if we start her there in Sept 12, a year earlier than we had applied for. I had ideally wanted her to be a little older when she started in this environment (she is currently at home with me) and also they can only offer an afternoon place, it would completely rot up her napping routine etc, which I am loathe to do as it would happen just as DC2 is due to arrive, so adding to her upheaval.
So my question is, am I being foolish? Should we just grab the place while we can and be grateful? And, with regard to the rejection already given, are we being incredibly naive to think that registering in plenty of time (i.e. at birth) and being personable at the interviews is enough? Should we be doing something more? Is it acceptable to ask why we were rejected? I feel completely clueless, and don't want to enter panicking headless chicken territory, so would appreciate any advice.

Don't panic!

There is a huge amount of churn in London pre-preps, and it is in the schools' interest to lock parents in asap. Whereas it is in your DD's interest to find the right school for her. Have you looked round the schools recently?

Are all the schools 'register at birth' - and if so is this because they are first come first served, or are they following some sort of arcane (and probably opaque) system?

Did the school that rejected the application give a reason? And is it a 'no, not suited, never' type answer; or is it 'full right now but stay on waiting list'?

Does that school, or the one which wants the earlier p/t start, have other (later) entry points, and how many pupils are admitted at each point?

It's easy to say when at a distance, that I'd stick to my guns with early-start school, and simply reiterate that they accepted an application for this child for this start date and you have not changed plans. If they are no longer honouring their side (by cancelling the entry and having no places on offer at all) then strictly you should get you application/registration fee back. But if you think it at all likely to may make a reception application there, then I wouldn't pursue the cash

When will you hear from the third school?

Grab the place now IF you think it's the right school for her AND you are likely to get caught up in the north london bun fight for 7+, 11+ etc.

Stick to your guns IF you are more relaxed and confident that waiting is best outcome for your dd.

Whatever you do, don't let the north london paranoid influence your decision too much. Develop an internal mantra of "I know what's best for my daughter" and repeat to yourself ad nauseum (and at least until she is happily settled in secondary school)

Thank you for very sensible and reassuring advice!

The school that rejected us said that we would be on the waiting list in case there is any change (I guess that most people will have applied to more than one school, so perhaps not all will take up places offered?) but gave no reason for not allocating us a place.

We will hear from the third school in November, and DH (who is convinced that other parents have some sort of secret training in getting places) is insisting that I should be in touch with them fortnightly until then, which I just feel might be more annoying than productive?!

I do feel that I would rather DD start next year than this one - but I feel under quite a bit of pressure from the school that has offered us this afternoon place that turning it down would seriously diminish our chances of getting her in there. Though, yes, it does make sense that they would like parents (and fee payments) locked in?.

To be honest, I have no idea what the criteria behind the registration process is, I just knew that I didn't want my girl to have to be assessed/go to a selective school. I have been round all the schools in the last couple of months, and I definitely like the atmosphere and the ethos of the one that is offering us an early place, but yes, I think I will stick to my guns and hope for that churn! It is reassuring to hear that is does happen, as each school has said that once children start in their nursery they always stay to the end.

They are desperate to fill those afternoon places aren't they? Not surprised, as they're useless as choc tea pot for most parents of 2-3 year olds. I rejected (n london) pre prep for this reason, which was right decision, but I've subsequently found out that if you say you're waiting for a morning place, usually one comes up when you want it, but they imply that this afternoon uselessness is part of the process thereby bullying you into it.
I'd really stick to your guns. By the time, ds would have gone I'd chilled about whole stupid business and happily left him in his fab playgroup and then just whopped him into the nearest state for primary. London has such a massive churn and the nurseries never admit this (as yours hasn't) as they want to make sure they have full quota of am and pm places.
Ditto for the primary privates. Friend's son has just got in to all these supposedly over-subscribed n london schools at v short notice...

I rejected a place at the nursery for dd1, as the criteria seemed too full on - 5 days a week from start, had to be potty trained etc and it was coinciding with the arrival of dc2. She ended up at a less fashionable nursery where she had a lovely time, like pollyparanoia I then just dumped her in the local unfashionable state school. Where she's thrived, and is now going to a prestigious prep school that starts at 7+. Don't let a school bully you into anything, there will always be alternatives, places will always come up later and at this age the one that fits round your lifestyle is the best choice.

Thank you for your replies, that all makes real sense. I hadn't anticipated how easy it is to get caught up in the "getting a place at the right place" hysteria, a little perspective is a great help!