Sister competition .. help

roscoe · 03/12/2003 18:59

Sounds to me like she's jealous about something. Is she unable to have more children (circumstances or physically) and jealous that you have a gorgeous happy tot?

AussieSim · 03/12/2003 19:14

I think it is likely that she has a selective memory. I write letters to my ds as I worry about inconsistency of story telling when he is older (like my mum). Even if it is though you shouldn't be worried - there is a very broad range of normal timing for learning new skills. There was a good thread about this before from a mum who was worried about her kids inability to count. I will see if I can find it and post the link.

coppertop · 03/12/2003 19:24

I think you're doing the right thing in letting ds go at his own pace. He's got years of formal education ahead of him. You're right to put his happiness first. I have a competitive family too and know just how it feels.

FairyMum · 04/12/2003 08:24

Selective memory. My MIL is just like your sister. It's really irritating, but I think it's more about them wanting to show off than putting you down.....To be honest, I think people who obsess about their children being bright are normally lacking in confidence and perhaps not very bright themselves. At least this is true for the mothers I know who always go on about how bright their little darlings are. Does your sister have anything to proove you think?

Bozza · 04/12/2003 09:06

How can she possibly remember to that extent unless she's kept a detailed diary? The only way I can remember things really is to think of an event (eg Christmas, holiday) and what DS was capable of at that time.

We can all pick out certain skills that our child can do. Eg my DS who is the same age as yours can recognise cars (maybe about 30 makes/models of cars) which to me is equivalent to knowing his alphabet although maybe slightly less useful in later life. And this fits in with your wanting your DS to enjoy learning - its what my DS enjoys so its what he learns.

marialuisa · 04/12/2003 09:39

I think she's putting together all the things her kids learned to do "pre-school" and then telling you that this is what your boy should be doing now. But pre-school is a very wide-range. So, my DD (same age as your DS) could spell out the letters of her name and type on a keyboard at 2, but her name only has 3 letters so not really a major achievement. And what does she mean by knowing the alphabet, reciting the letter names is no more "advanced" than being able to sing a nursery rhyme. However she really struggles with riding a trike, catching a ball and so on.

Just let it wash over you, don't know how academically able your sisters' kids are now, but if they're normal, you could always make a tongue in cheek comment about the way all that early brilliance has evened off.

Original poster

twiglett · 04/12/2003 09:43

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Queenie · 04/12/2003 09:44

My MIL used to compare my daughter with her other grandaughter who is 2.5 yrs older than my daughter. However, she used to make out they were the same age so my daughter was always the loser of course. In the end my mum shouted at her "there is a bit age difference though" and she looked shocked and never did it again. She is "looney tunes" at the best of times though. My niece was never taught anything prior to school and was behind I suppose for the first year but now they all seem to be about the same. I think you are right to just keep learning fun for now.

Original poster

twiglett · 04/12/2003 09:46

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Sonnet · 04/12/2003 10:18

Hi,
I can sympathise with this as i have a very competitive SIL - there is even a thread about it!!

I take a deep breath and let it go over my head - well I try to anyway

I agree with hte others - it sounds like she heraelf has an inferiority complex or is jelouse (SP) of your wonderful children

FairyMum · 04/12/2003 10:45

My Ds who is 2 and 3 months can say very little. He cannot name any animals, only make the noises. He can't even say his own name. It has never crossed my mind that he is not bright. Knowing the alphabet and reading at an early age is just one form of brightness in my mind. My Ds is very sensitive to others and very sociable and good with people. He also has a wicked sense of humour and is very entertaining to be with. I know he will read and write in the end, but to me it is much more important that he is "socially bright". I think it is a much more important skill in life than spelling your name when you are 2. However, I would never compare his social skills to other children and feel superior either as I think everyone develops at different stages. My Ds couldn't hold is head until 4 months, but crawled when he was 6 months......Every child has their own little things they are good at, just like the rest of us......

miranda2 · 04/12/2003 11:03

Phew - I was getting a bit nervous reading this thread, thanks for your comment fairymum! My ds is 2y4m, and certainly can't read, spell, say the alphabet etc. Only started speaking (apart from hello and bye) a couple of months ago. He's very good at jigsaws though!!! I'm sure he's at least averagely bright, my dh and I met at Cambridge (tra la la) and he has always been an interested and sociable little boy. I sometimes point out words and letters to him, and he sometimes seems to get the idea, but nothing systematic and he never remembers the next time. I've got some flashcards for his christmas stocking, but no intention of 'teaching' him with them, just playing. Surely most children don't read/write at this age?!

sis · 04/12/2003 12:23

DH and I have concluded that all parents have selective memory about their children's younger years and we joke with my sisters about how in a few years we will insist that ds slept through the night from two weeks (he is, of course, a terrible sleeper and wakes up way to early!).

BTW, totally agree about not pushing the learning thing with children - I hate the way that all toys have an 'educational angle' on the packaging - things like rattles helping babies hand-eye coordination and 'teaching' babies to grip etc!!

Issymum · 04/12/2003 12:47

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Bozza · 04/12/2003 13:12

Well Issysmum that just proves it then. My DS can do none of the things you mention including dressing himself and counting to ten. Well he can recite to ten but only count to two. He can recognise and spell (with magnets) his own 3 letter name and can recognise all the letters (not sure what knowing your alphabet means). He's brilliant at jigsaw puzzles, like I mentioned before can recognise tons of cars BUT he can't peddle a bike and doesn't even get out of bed in his sleeping bag - sure he could but he's quite happy to lay there and shout me (obviously suits me as well because doesn't shout until light timer comes on).

Its all about inclination and maybe some children have the inclination towards learning the more academic and recognised goals of childhood. But as long as they are exploring and enquiring (and everybody's child is in one way or another) what does it matter?

Apart from some people's ability to wind us up about it, that is.

tallulah · 04/12/2003 20:56

My mum says I was speaking in sentences at a year old, so she was v concerned when DD having said her first word- duck- at 10 months then didn't say another thing until she was almost 2. By the time the 4th one came along & didn't speak until he was almost 3- then immediately in full sentences- she'd given up worrying!

DD learned to read early, but she would have been 4- not 2! They do learn to memorise books at about 3 & appear to be reading, turning the pages at the right time.

All children are different. As long as they can speak adequately when they go to school, what does it matter? Once they are 7 there is no difference at all between children who walked early/late, talked early/late or anything else.

Twiglett, ignore your sister!