Couldn't afford to send DC3 to same (private) school as DC1&2. If this sounds familiar, talk to me.

[WinlessChunder]

DH and I have started talking about having DC3, having been sure we were stopping at 2! One of DH's main objections is that there's no way we could afford to privately educate 3 children and our DS and DD are currently thriving at a wonderful prep school.

Our local state schools are fine - we went down the private route for specific reasons associated with my DS and we were so happy with the school we sent DD too.

Has anyone else been in this position and if so, what did you do? Transfer all DCs to state so that it's 'fair'. State educate DC3 and live with any feelings that DC3 wasn't being given the same opportunities as the others?

I don't want this to descend into a private vs state argument (I realise that this sounds like I think broadly that state education doesn't provide the same opportunities as private) I'm just interested in how others have approached a similar situation. (And to potentially help convince DH to have DC3 .)

dont have it
you cant afford it the way you want to
or take em all out unless htey have some SN that the school caters for.

if the state schools are " fine" whats the issue

heart doesnt really bleed tbh

I know several families who have educated some privately and some state. Usually the older ones went private, then one didn't pass the exam or they couldn't afford the same private, so they sent one to state, and we're so impressed they did the same with younger ones.
What are your local State secondaries like? Would they be suitable for your older children?
Does you DS have a specific special need which is only well catered for locally by private schools?

I would send them all state. Send the cash on activities for all three, music drama whatever suits them, and start saving for uni.

We have stopped at two and this was one of our main reasons. dd1 is thriving at her school, dd2 will join the nursery class there next year, and there is no way at all (except lottery win) that we could afford three sets of fees.
How desperate are you for a third? Would you be happy to stop at 2? Our decision was helped by dh being totally opposed to a third for all sorts of logistical, financial, emotional reasons in any case. Now, if we moved to an area with excellent state schools I may revisit the idea of a third child. But for now I am happy to have my two sweeties and I am even happier how well dd1 is doing.

We are kind of the same in that we sent ds1 because it suited his needs. Tried for ds2 and he got a scholarship so are sending him but will be keeping dd (no chance of scholarship and actually state suits her)at state, ds3 will probably be state too. I have nothing against state though, just the ones who let ds1 down badly

I am not sure that I could send some DC private and some state.

My DB is the youngest and wore clothes which had been worn by 4 children before him. He still remembers it to this day and has a hang up about always being immaculately (and expensively!) dressed to this day. I think that some children from larger families can end up feeling like they were the dregs of the litter as it were.

IMO if you cannot afford to treat them all the same then do not have another or send all of them to state

what ages are your elder ones? Would it work taking them out at the end of the next key stage. Would this leave enough money to send your glint in the eye to private school for KS2 if this appeared best for her

I think different schools suit different kids so there could be a situation where one or more are at private whilst one or more are at state schools.

However, I wouldn't feel comfortable making that decision about number 3 being the one going to a state school purely because they were the last to arrive.

If the situation for your DS means that he will always need the school he is in now and if you can't see yourself moving your dd under normal circumstances then I am afraid you are setting things up to be very hard on your no 3 in the future.

Personally, I couldn't do that.

You need to decide whether it is more important (and affordable) to have 2 in the private system unless their future needs are better suited to a state school or whether the overwhelming desire to have number 3 overrides that and you are happy to pull one or both of the others in to state if number 3 would benefit from the private option.

I would sort out your preferred family size for reasons other than education. There are just too many "what ifs" between now, the time when a future child might actually appear, and the four+ years after that until they reach school age. By which time one or both current DCs might have moved on to secondary - what sort of schools might they go to?

You might move, divorce, fall seriously long-term ill, win the lottery, be made redundant, secure wonderful new job, write best-seller. The school might go bust, expand, get a new head that changes its character so much you can't get out fast enough; there might be new state schools in your area that you actually like better. Just so many variables, and all beyond your control.

I think you should keep to two DCs.

....just one of the many conundrums thrown up by Private Ed. How awful to feel that your parents "afforded" to send your siblings but couldn't manage it for you. Is there any kid in the land who wouldn't feel bad about that?

Mopswerver - YES I have a friend who was the youngest of 3. The elder two went to private boarding school, she was "kept at home as they couldn't part with her". She is very happy, actually I think her siblings are bit jealous.

How old are your children? If you have 7 - 8 years between your eldest and a third child you could send the youngest state for primary, which I think is absolutely firn if it is a good school and then private at secondary and never have to pay more than 2 sets of fees.

I have my eldest in state and my middle one private and #3 will be going state next year. BUT and this is a big but, my state options are excellent at primary and outstanding at secondary (top 100 school in the country, nearly 90% A-C at GCSE including English and maths, almost all children going to RG uni's including about 15 a year to Oxbridge, great facilities, brilliant trips etc so it is a no brainer). If that were not the case then no I wouldn't do it.

If your state schools are as good as the independent schools then I see no issue with doing different things for different children depending on their needs. However, if the decision is purely financial then I would consider it carefully and probably wouldn't do it.

We decided to not have a no 3 for many reasons including the fact that 3 children in private education is a lot! We would get a huge discount on no 3's fees but actually I thought about the general quality of life we would have - eg holidays, after school activities, school trips, music lessons etc and just because we could scrape together the fees.

it wasn't our only reason - quality time together was one and practical things such as house and car plus we felt lucky to have two healthy children and have a comfortable life.

On the other hand if there is a biggish gap between the DCs could you not go for a state infant then start no 3 at age 7? That way possibly your eldest DC will have left school so you will only be paying for 2 at a time?

maybe where to you live?? (I want to move there immediately, send my two to state primary and have a third!!)

If you would not consider taking the other two out of their current schools, you should not have a third child.