DD begging me not to send her to school :(

[littlelegsmum]

Recently (generally a Sunday night) DD was heartbroken at having to go to school. She is in Y6 (10/11) and we've been referred for ASD assessment as well as having found out she has a speech and language problem.....

She is only doing the subjects covered by the SATS in school and it's obviously full on.

DD is a very good child and always willing to help yet never puts her hand up when she needs help (which is an awful lot). The school are very aware that she won't ask for help, is struggling and i've told them they need to speak with her and reassure her they will help. . . To date they have never spoke to her.

She is begging me not to send her to school tomorrow and adamant she won't be doing her SATS in a couple of weeks. She is getting no help at all from school, not on any iep, school action/+ . . To be honest, i'm very tempted to keep her off and contact the LEA (again) to say why i'm keeping her off. . I can't let her feel like this every night and she's panicing about everything school related.

She says she really wants to understand and do better but doesn't know why she can't. She says she can't bear the thought of being the worst in the class. . .

Sorry I can't put anymore down as i'm so upset for her but I think you get the jist

Big hug. I would be down to see the head and teachers. Not the end of thevworld if she iscabsent for the sats

I've got one like that. It's horrible isn't it. Nothing wrong with mine except fundemental laziness, but hates school with a vengence. Nothing to do but bite the bullet and continue to act as if full school attendance is a none negotiable assumption, and make sure there are plenty of out of school treats to look forward to as well.

I would normally agree with just pushing on with normal routine but this is a child who loves school, never lets anything bother her and is usually quite oblivious to pressures.

There is only 1 place that has told her how important they are etc etc and they don't see how down she is, pulling her hair and picking her scalp.

I have to leave her at the gates on a morning and if she's feeling like this, whats to say she won't just not bother going in.

Can you keep her off for the whole 3 weeks between now and SATs? Do you have someone to look after her while you're at work?

If so do. Keep her off for the next 3 weeks.

If you can't however, then I dunno? Just keep her off for the days you can arrange childcare for?

I would never send a distressed child to school if I could keep them off. :(

Time to give the SENCO a rocket I think . Call the school , tell them that your dd is suffering under the pressure and you need to meet as a matter of urgency to ensure that her needs are being met and whether she can be withdrawn form SATs. There are two issues - SATs and how this is making her refuse school and the way the school are (or rather are not) recognising and supporting her SEN. If there is a need to involve outside professionals she should, by definition, be on SA+ and have an IEP in place.

Sorry all for the late replies. I don't get notifications?! Anyway, that's another thread.

Ok, I reluctantly sent dd this morning (dh convinced me) and I went straight to see her health visitor, who has been great and she agreed to come and meet us at the school with dd and have a chat with her. She also had a word with the teacher.

We also asked to see the senco after that. This time I had dh with me and we both made it clear that so far the school have been unacceptable in their behavior towards dd.

She was still quite dismissive but was more open minded as we were being pushy. We asked why we hadn't had a satisfactory response so far and she said its because the teachers have never had any issues with her - bear in mind it's a disruptive class and dd is very quiet and is a model pupil. . So, even though I've been in 3 times and spoke to her numerous times on the phone and raised my concerns she feels like that's not been as important as the teachers views?!?!

She tried to fob me off and say dd had made adequate progress - level 2 in year 2 and and year 3 in year 6. . So 4 school years and 1 level seems adequate in their eyes!!!!

Anyway, I made it known I was serious and I got my hard copy of the sen code of practice out especially when she told me they needed assessment / diagnosis, before they could help her.

Anyway, we have re-scheduled another meeting with teacher and she's promised to speak with dd at school tomorrow. I don't think they'll get anywhere but at least they'll of tried and it will prove what we say about her not being able to ask for help.

ds2 ASD/MLD is scared stiff to ask for help. School have given him a brightly coloured piece of card with a question mark on it. When he wants to ask for help but doesn't feel able to put his hand up or ask a teacher/LSA he puts the card on the side of his desk. Do you think your dd might use something similar?

This time of year can be tricky for any Y6 child - and often they talk positively about the inevitable change coming up finishing at primary and moving onto secondary, but in reality instead of being excited, for many many children the whole thing is very daunting. Do you think your DD may be anxious about her transition? It may be that she is thinking that at secondary school its only going to get tougher.

Could you get some SATS papers from WHSmith and go through with her at home what she might come across. You may be able to help her see that actually she can answer some of the questions. Reinforce that its not a test which you pass or fail, it is simply an assessment to find out which level you are working at.

ds2 ASD/MLD is scared stiff to ask for help. School have given him a brightly coloured piece of card with a question mark on it. When he wants to ask for help but doesn't feel able to put his hand up or ask a teacher/LSA he puts the card on the side of his desk. Do you think your dd might use something similar? . . . . I would love to think she'd use that (if she remembered), so I will suggest something like that.

This time of year can be tricky for any Y6 child - and often they talk positively about the inevitable change coming up finishing at primary and moving onto secondary, but in reality instead of being excited, for many many children the whole thing is very daunting. Do you think your DD may be anxious about her transition? It may be that she is thinking that at secondary school its only going to get tougher. . . . . DD is not thinking past the SATS at the moment. She is excited and knows it'll be tougher, but would be really pleased for some help at school.

Could you get some SATS papers from WHSmith and go through with her at home what she might come across. You may be able to help her see that actually she can answer some of the questions. Reinforce that its not a test which you pass or fail, it is simply an assessment to find out which level you are working at. . . . . We have so many workbooks at home that she could do. We always end up with doing the things she finds easier then once it needs more explanation she can't stay focussed and her mind has gone. She really finds it hard to understand things that an 'average' 10/11 yo would find simple. She then ends up having a tantrum and getting even more stressed :( However, I am definitely going to try your wording on the assessment. I'd like to think that would make a difference.

Thank you for your advice :)