Private tutors - (sorry if it's been done before)

[AnnieSG]

Wanted to get some opinions from other mums of year two kids. I've always been very against being too pushy with my son's academic achievements, believing they're very young still to force them too hard. But I'm suddenly panicking and thinking I haven't taken enough care over this. have realised that my son, who has just turned seven, is really struggling with spelling and writing. His reading is quite good. He has been picked to do extra spelling work on key words, because he did badly in a recent test. We're among the few graduates I know locally and I think, arrogantly, deep down I just thought that Ds would be academically able to. Hope no-one thinks I'm a horrible person for saying this. Anyway, last night I had this realisation that he's starting Juniors in Sept and this is really going to hold him back if we don't help him now. His confidence is already low and he's very upset about being picked out to do this extra spelling.
Should we try a short-term extra tutor, just to get him up to speed? Obviously we work with him too, but he's unwilling and we all end up cross and stressed. I wondered if it would work better to have a professional involved.
I'd be so grateful for anyone's thoughts on this.
many thanks.

I am answering as a parent of 4 children, 3 of them school age, a graduate, a teacher and a potential private tutor!

I am not sure if you might be being a bit over worried at this stage. I hope you don't mind me saying so. Children do develop at different rates and have different skills. My dh, for instance, has 2 degrees and a masters degree, yet he was in the remedial group for English when he was in primary school. (Not surprisingly, his specialisms now are all Maths and science orientated). My eldest son also has had some extra help with English and every week, struggles and cries at having to learn his spellings yet he is easily coping with Yr 6 Maths although he is still only in Yr 5.

Is your son more Maths or science orientated? Is he a young child in the year? Do you have confidence in the teaching at his school? If he is, and you do, I would say let them get on with it, accept that he might be a bit behind his peers in English for now, trust that his innate intelligence will see him through and do not lumber him now with extra tuition that could help him, but equally could make him feel he is a failure to need it. I think small children are worked so hard at school today that they deserve when they come home to just be allowed to relax and play.

I wonder how you feel about this?

Lonelymum
Thank you SO much for this considered response. He's a very bright boy in his own way and extremely artistic, but isn't particularly good at numbers either, although he is quite interested in science. I do think it's a good school, but he's a child who thrives so much when he does well at something. He hates to look foolish and has always avoided answering questions when he isn't 100% sure of the answers. Until now, I've taken a view a bit like yours here and am just determined not to put pressure on such a little boy. He's middle of the year, BTW, in terms of age, so no explanation there. I just remember a teacher in the juniors saying to me that reading and writing are absolutely the key to everything else and they have to be on top of them. It seems like a scary place, the Juniors, and is in a different building with lots more rules. He doesn't love school now - never has - and I can't bear the thought of him being overwhelmed when he is there. I wondered whether it would pressurise him LESS to give him a leg-up now, than waiting to see (which we've done since he struggled with reading basics in reception)whether he catches up.
Any further thoughts So gratefully received and thanks again.

Another thought I have had which you might like to consider is to try buying some of those books you can get to help your child. I know you said he is unwilling to work with you at home but that is what made me think of them as my sons also hate doing work with me and simply will not accept that I know what I am talking about, both as an intelligent adult but, also as a primary school teacher. Nothing I say has any weight, unfortunately.

However, we bought some (in our case, Maths) books as both our sons are very good at Maths and I didn't feel they were getting enough of a challenge at school. Well, they didn't complete the books, but they did have phases of doing them and seemed to enjoy them a lot. They particularly liked earning the stars for completing a page. I also gave them another star if they got the whole page right. I didn't ever force them to do them if they didn't want to.

Maybe you could get a few books and see if you can make the idea of filling them in fun?

Another thing I was going to say as a teacher is that yes, reading and writing skills are key to most other subjects, but I would say the reading is the first stage in that. You say his reading is quite good. That is encouraging. If you keep concentrating on his reading, hearing him read daily and reading to him sometimes, that will help his writing no end.

PS, it is great that he is artistic. I don't think literacy skills are needed for that so at least there his talent will have full rein.

To add my point of view (as a mother of three school age children and a graduate).

My eldest (now in yr6) was selected for booster classes in spelling and handwriting in Yr2. It was no big deal and she was quite happy about it. Like you I was a bit taken aback as it had never occurred to me that the children would be anything other than mini versions of me and dh. however, we trusted the school and based on subsequent years they were right. She has done well academically and is happy.

We did start with a private tutor when she was in year 5, but that was for exam coaching as her primary school does not provide preparation classes for the private school entrance exams (and given it's a state school there is no reason why it should).

Full-blown private tutoring is quite a big commitment for an infant-aged child.

But if supporting him at home isn't going to work out, you could consider some other options. One is Kumon -- a lot of people on here seem to object to Kumon, but it is very good at sorting out specific weaknesses and making sure children have a really solid foundation, mainly by giving them lots and lots of practice. We do Kumon maths with my ds who is doing really well at reading and writing, but doesn't quite 'get' numbers. For example, given the information that 10+3=13, 10+4=14, 10+5=15 and 10+6=16, I wouldn't bet money on him being able to work out that 10+7=17. So the endless practice that Kumon offers is v. good for him. I don't have direct experience of Kumon English, but it works on a similar principle, with lots of repetition of basic patterns for spelling and writing.

An alternative might be a slightly more low-key tutor who takes children in small groups. Several parents at my children's school do that option, and the children seem to really enjoy it. It's less intimidating (and less expensive) than full-on one to one. They may also be more clued into state school children's needs rather than specialising in getting kids through private school entrance exams.

I have some sympathy with the 'don't worry, he'll catch up' school of thought, but like you I would be concerned that, once behind he may find it hard to catch up. Provision in many primary schools can be patchy, and children can fall through the net. If he's doing well at reading, then he's clearly not behind overall, so it would be a shame to let a problem in one specific area hold him back.

Thanks so much for all those thoughts. Lonelymum, we have tried those books and he quite liked them. Trouble is that he doesn't retain words afterwards. Might be worth getting them again though.
MrsW - that's very comforting to hear about your daughter doing the extra spelling. Thank you.
Frogs - yes, that's how I feel about it. Do you know how your friends found the small, fun groups that you mentioned?

I've had this with child 3 - turns out he's dyslexic. With 1 and 2 I was used to having the brightest child in the class, and I was shocked. We're both really well educated. I'd say don't leave it - either get the school to be very specific about the problems so you can deal with them now or employ a tutor. I'm now feeling hugely guilty because ds's choices for secondary school will be limited. He' 9 and now our priority but I think the school told me for too long that he'd catch up eventually.

I tutored for years in various guises. I personally think that 7 is too young and that tutors vary widely. I would be very careful about using a tutor at 7 unless a)I knew the tutor well, or they had come very highly recommended from someone I trusted and/or b)my child has specific learning difficulites such as dyslexia, I think you'd be better of doing Kumon English tbh- I suspect it might work out cheaper (or at least the same cost) as well.

Does he like the computer? There must be spelling practice type thingys available.

Swedishmum and Getbakin, thank you for that. I think I'm quite tempted to go for Kumon, hearing this. Only worry is that, because he's about to start the school extra spelling programme, that it would differ in methods and confuse him. Have a parents evening in two weeks and will discuss with the teacher, but don't want them to be disapproving. My instincts, and Dh's, are very strongly that our boy would be much boosted by catching up in this way.
He does like the computer, but would have to be dragged to do actual work on it. That's why I think I need something structured and professional, because there is going to be resistance (BIGTIME!) to this!

I've seen the Kumon material and I think its about a lot of repetition, which is sometimes what is needed. It looks very professional (and some tutors aren't). I doubt methods will clash as they are so used to working around schools. Id ds2 or ds3 start having problems with English or Maths I think I'd definitely Kumon- the sessions are short as well.

Repetition, I reckon, is exactly what he needs.
Thanks for this - been really helpful.

Annie, agree with baka from what you've said, it sounds as if Kumon might well meet your ds's needs. There's loads and loads of repetition, and they start children off at a level slightly below what they're actually capable of, so that they can score high marks right from the start, and feel good about themselves. Children only move up a level once the instructor is completely confident that they have mastered a topic. There will be a huge range of ages and levels -- some children of ds's age appear to be working several levels ahead of him (ie. far above their age average), while there are also hulking great secondary school kids doing papers at the same sort of level as my Y2 ds. Children work alone, so it's completely non-competitive. They're very good at incentivising, with lots of stickers and little rewards, as well as a time target for completing each paper, which helps prevent faffing around. Children are meant to work alone, too, which minimises parent-child conflict!

I won't say ds loves doing his maths, but they fall into a routine very quickly. There is a lot of it, though -- you get a little booklet for the child to complete every day, which you then have to mark. We do ours after breakfast, and it takes about 10 mins. Then you go to the Kumon centre once a week, where the child does another paper, staff check up on the week's homework and hand out the next batch. Kumon is a franchise, so depends on the instructor in your local area, but it does seem to be run pretty professionally. We pay £45 per month by standing order, which covers everything. If you are away they will post stuff out to you, and you can phone the instructor for a private chat about your child's progress if you're worried. For getting a child up to speed with a deficit in a particular area, I would say it was a v. good system.

hth