Schools... am I choosing the easy option?

[Britchic]

Hi everyone

We have been living overseas for the past 6 years, and are thinking about moving back to Kent, Sussex or Surrey next year. We have 2 sons, 4 and 6, who we're lucky to be able to educate privately.

So I thought we'd find a good secondary school, find a house nearby and be sorted! And now I've found my head in a big mess because I can't make a decision!

There are 2 schools in the area I'm looking which look like nice schools - Ardingly and Hurstpierpoint (which I prefer). They're not academically amazing, but from the reports I've read they seem to turn out mature, polite, really lovely children. The reports suggest that the children are extremely happy at the schools, get on well with the teachers, support one another etc. The facilities are amazing at both, the teaching excellent (at Hurstpierpoint).

It all seems perfect (esp as the kids could join next year, and if they are happy, stay till sixth form)... BUT... I'm wondering if I'm not aiming high enough for my kids?

I have no idea how intelligent they are (my 6 year old is doing fine at school, but he doesn't strike me as above-average intelligence, but neither are my husband or I!!).

When I read about other highly academic and selective schools eg Royal Grammar School, Seven Oaks, Brighton College, I just think it must be so stressful for the kids (and parents!) to get into these schools, and to be educated in them. And if they were to try for one of these we'd have to live nearby... what if they didn't get in? I don't want them to board, at least not for a long time!

Is it unfair to not give my children a chance to try at a more academic school?

Would really appreciate any advice/wise words.

Thank you.

If the teaching is excellent then your children should do fine academically. Do you know what universities the children from the schools you like go on to? Hurst looks very music/drama/sports orientated - are your children likely to enjoy that sort of thing? To be honest I'm not sure I'd send my children to the same school from 4-18 in any case as it's very difficult to judge what might suit a future teenager when they are just starting off with school. Plus a lot of the girls who started at my school at 4 were just desperate to leave at 15/16.

Hi Nooka

That was a fast response - thank you! Yes, my kids are keen on sport and music, again it's hard to know because they're so young - they're keen on pretty much everything!!

I agree it's a long time for them to be at one school. If they wanted to go somewhere else when they are older then that's fine, but I'm guessing they'd have to board because if we choose, say Hurst, and live nearby, it would be a long commute for them elsewhere (and the idea of them boarding makes me want to sob.... despite having boarded from age 11 myself!).

As for universities (thank you, I hadn't looked into that!), last year they had 5 Oxbridge places, and a lot of places at other very respectable universities, so I guess that's pretty good.

Thanks for your input!

If your child is a good fit for one of these selective schools, then they will not find it stressful, nor will you. My dd goes to a school that is generally known as a superselective and it it so much less stressful than her old regular prep school, which although a v well regarded school on paper, which many are extremely happy with, was just the wrong school for her for a wide variety of reasons. It's definitely not just about academic results.

You OP suggests that you're basing you're current assumptions on both these schools purely on reports you have read. You HAVE to visit them and judge for yourself. I found the school search akin to house hunting. You can look on the web and at EA particulars but when you go and see for yourself you are often disappointed or pleasantly surprised. Then bingo, you find the one which is just right for your family.

You say that H and A are not academically amazing but they definitely do not get bad results either. There are students with IB scores in the 40s and a number with A*s and as you mentioned places at good destinations. This would indicate they stretch the able. We have friends with DCs at Ardingly. They are very pleased with the pastoral care and academically their DC is being stretched.

Both of those school have a separate prep school/senior school so there is a chance for a change. Ask if any leave at these points. It is also difficult to judge how a child will develop when they are only 4 and 6.

I also agree with nooka I personally wouldn't want my DC to be at the same school from 4 to 18. However, many are happy with arrangement.

Unless I had an obviously academic, self motivating child who thrives on competition I would always choose a good school that valued extra curricular stuff and had excellent pastoral care as opposed to a super selective (I know the two are not always mutually exclusive).

TBH you sound like you have done this so I am sure your DC will be fine.

Thanks so much for your replies. Yes, I will definitely look at the schools, I'm just trying to work out my top 3 or 4, then I'll head over to the UK for a few days and look round them all.

Goinggetstough - really glad your friends' children are pleased with Ardingly - good to hear.

Does anyone else have any experience of Ardingly or Hurst?

Thanks very much.

Hurst is a good school and one we considered yet never ultimately viewed. Used to work with a chap who went to Hurst back in the 80/90s. Terrible memories of boarding! Its certainly a cosier school now with no Saturday school at senior level. My DS has a friend in U5 at Hurst who's very happy there while another friend took her child out of the prep school because of bullying on the minibuses. Lancing could be a good compromise with an excellent prep school in Hove. It's more academic than Hurst, but not as pushy as Brighton. My DS also has friends at both these schools, plus we have a close friend who worked at Brighton and warned us of the extreme pressure put on the DCs by both the school and the parents. A friend's daughter went to Ardingly, but this was some years ago. Ardingly has a good reputation locally. The fees I believe are higher than Hurst and they appear to offer a similar experience?

I think you are wrong in presuming non academic schools will not be right for your child. My DS is at St Bede's near Hailsham, Sussex (prep school is in Eastbourne). It's a happily non selective school where my DS has already achieved A*s and is on course to achieve a few more this summer (fingers crossed). There are many very academic pupils who succeed there. The school has a large LS department who I can not praise highly enough. That DS of mine is achieving higher prestige prediction from his state primary five years ago!

Good luck with your search.

If your DSs are 4 and 6, isn't it a bit early to decide upon a secondary school?

Would you consider a prep and pre-prep school that goes to age 13 and leaves options open for 13+?

Ds is at a school that goes from 3 to 18. Some parents chose it specificially because it meant no entrance exams ever and also having the same friends all through school. Ds joined in reception. 50% of the intake came from the school nursery (the nursery is co-ed, the pre-prep and prep are single sex). 80% of prep move on together to the senior school.

I wouldn't want ds to stay in the same school all that time but that is just personal preference. I also think it is hard to guess what sort of senior school will suit them whilst they are so young. I looked at a very academic prep when ds was 4 with a view to sending him there at 7. At 4 he was viewed as very bright. Now nearly 8 he is average to above average so it wouldn't be the right choice for him at all.

Hi everyone

Thank you so much for all your responses. It's really encouraging to hear that some of the non-academic, non-selective schools can still produce good results.

Mutteroo, thanks, will look into Lancing. I hadn't planned on us going that far south, because of my husband's commute to London, but worth checking it out.

Trix & MollieO - yes I know it's really early to be deciding on a secondary school.... but we're moving to England, hoping to buy a house that we'll live in for a long time, and I think I'd be foolish not to consider the location of good secondary schools before we buy, or in 7 years we'll might have to move again!

Thank you so much for all the help.

if you aren't really interested in an academic path for your children, stick with local schools where they can be happy and don't have to add travel time to their day.

you are wise to move into the right area for a secondary school of choice - you won't want to move again in a few years' time.

afraid you are bit out date re Hurst not being academic! I have two there and is definitely selective at all ages. 48 external candidates applied for year 7 places last month, just 22 were selected.

Senior school also selective, know 3 good friends who failed year 9 entry sadly. Ds is in prep,started in year 3, dd in 6th form now, she is highly academic and sporty ,has been there since year 7. Ask anything you like :) pm if you prefer. Ardingly bit too far from me so didn't consider it, Lancing very good too though.