Moving from state to private school - dilemma

[BonyM]

Having had sleepless nights over the past week or so, I thought it was time to get the advice of the wise mumsnetters!

We have two dds, 7 and 14, both very bright, both doing well in their respective state schools (which are among the better state schools in the area). We have the opportunity to send them to private school and have been to look around a local, all girls school which has an excellent reputation and fantastic results. It is the only school in Wales to score top marks in all areas of its most recent inspection. Our initial thought was to just send our eldest dd at this stage (moving the younger one to start year 7) but while we were there we looked at the junior school as well and thought it was just fantastic.

Dd1 will be starting GCSES in September and although she is doing well where she currently is, it is a huge school, large class sizes, and we don't think has such high expectations of the pupils as this private school does. Both girls went for a taster day last week - dd2 adored it and is desperate to go. Dd1 was less impressed, is resistant to moving away from her friends and worried that she won't make new ones.

We have the added complication of the fact that it is likely we will be moving out of her current school catchment within the next 2 years so if we move her to the private school this won't cause a problem when we do move (they bus in from all over the place).

I really don't know what to do. Dh is determined we move her and the private school is undoubtedly better - we feel sure she will excel if she goes there - but I am concerned that the move will make her unhappy which will then negatively impact on her work.

I don't want to start a debate about private vs state, as I know a lot depends on individual schools and children's personalities. I would however welcome comments from anyone who has been in a similar situation and also from any parents whose girls currently attend Howells.

I could really do with a good night's sleep...

Nan i could of written your post myself. Being in an all girls school i used to dread taking certain friends home, (in paticular boarders) I mixed with lots of boys out of school, many are still my closests friends today, and many of my friends from school had totally no idea how to maintain a friendship with a boy!

It was the exact reason we chose the school we did (another type from over the field perhaps?) I did have a battle with my dh however, as he went to an all boys and didnt realy agree with my concerns to start. I have some very strong friendships with some lads from my childhood now, have never been let down by them, but girls friendships (apart from a few core girls) have come and gone.

I thankfully didnt suffer in an all girls school, (I too kept myself to myself with my small group of girlfriends, avoiding the high maintentance types) but my eldest dd i think would struggle.

I ditto what another poster has written in that at 14 its a very hard age to settle in an all girls enviromment, just from what i witnessed in school, with girls who came later.

I think OP i would stay put and make the move for 6th form!

I agree with seeker, maybe ask the school for some predictions - if it's all As and A*s, really what would be the point? Having said that, a lot of girls joined my private all-girls' day school at 14 and fitted in just fine - I think we were pretty bored and excited at the novelty of some new faces.

I would move the younger one like a shot. You have more reason to out her in the school and she wants to go.

I would not move the elder one against her wishes. A trial term would be a disaster, you run the risk that she will not put in the effort needed to change friends and will spend it texting and facebooking her old ones. She might be prepared to move for sixth form. A forced move that she thinks is unnecessary (as she is doing well where she is) is the sort of thing a teenager can hold against you for a looooong time.

Well we visited again today and Dd1 had a much better impression. Not really sure why it went so wrong last Friday but she is now a lot happier about the idea of moving and has agreed to sit the entrance exam.

There are 4 other girls due to join in her year - 1 next week and 3 after Easter so it will help that she's not the only one.

Gelatinous - you are quite right about the house move and this is a major factor in the decision. If it were not on the cards then we would probably leave her where she is and move her to 6th form.

Thanks everyone for your input.

Glad it went well

Actually, gelatinous, again you are quite right - there is more to excelling than grades and what this school will give her that the existing one won't is more confidence in herself and more opportunities. The world of university and work is becoming increasingly competitive. My dh is at Cardiff uni and he says that when you're interviewing 60 candidates for undergrad places and they've all got As, it's the ones who have confidence and can speak articulately that stand out.

Thanks Society - I may get a decent night's sleep to tonight!

5 newbies will give them critical mass - I am glad the second look went better.

Good Luck with it all!

My post is a warning from a parent who moved her daughter at age 14.

Moved my DD the Easter before her GCSEs started and initially she was very happy. This didn't last long and the problems snowballed.

My DD is now 18 and looking back she can see why we felt a move was a good idea. Her work was deteriorating and behaviour worsening at her old state school. She felt more like a number than a pupil and had been bullied from practically her first day at senior school. The private school we moved her to was deemed to be a good school for a shy, quiet girl like our gorgeous girl and we thought she'd flourish. Sadly our DD had lots of issues going on and moving her only meant we also moved those issues.

Would we have made the same choice again? Maybe we would have explored other options first as its never good to have a resentful teenager!

On the other hand, our DS was in year 7 when he moved from state to private. This has been an outstanding success.

Good luck with your girls, I'd be hesitant in moving the eldest particularly as she's doing so well at her state school?

Good luck!

Just to update - both girls will be starting in the new school after Easter. DD1 is now feeling happier about it, having visited a couple more times. She has plans in place to see her existing friends regularly and she is a likeable, easy-going girl so shouldn't have any problems settling in and making new friends. I truly believe they will both thrive there and feel sure that we have made the right decision.
Thanks everyone for your input.

Sorry is she moving for the beginning of year 9 or year 10? If year 9 then go for it. If year 10 I'd be tempted to leave until the 6th form.

HELP WITH LETTER PLEASE! Our little girl is in reception and really struggling with the class size of 32. We have decided to move her to private (prep) school so in need to write a letter to her current (local catholic primary) to let them know she won't be staying. I have lots of connections with the school and friends that work there - how can I say in the nicest possible way that she will be moving due to her being lost in the class size & not improving (reading or writing) this year without offending them or sounding pompous saying she will be moving to a prep school?
Thanks in advance. ;)

Just say your moving you don't need to say where she's going or give a reason. You could if you want say thanks for all you've done for X etc but frankly I wouldn't bother.