Advice PLEASE... my dd is so sad

[Slink]

She has always been bright, and happy and confident but all of a sudden she has become insecure, unhappy, faking illness at school.

I know shwe is only 4 but i was bullied from 4-16 and have made efforts to go out there and meet people and children and encourage children over as i only have 1 child, but there is thsi little girl at school who is always knocking dd back everytime they play she will play will all the kids not dd. I have spoken to the teacher and dd is very popular in class but it's this one child she seems to focus on and let her upset her. I hurt so much for her and say oh well look at all the other children you can play with, but she sobs a little in class..... any advice?????????

I dont know if you would class this as advice but I would go to the parents of the child, tell them what their child is and has been doing and let them know in no uncertain terms that if it is not resolved yiou will take the matter to a higher authority. I am so for your dd, my ds was bullied so badle at nursery by one boy that he would throw up before going in, would sit and cry in class and at home. I relosved the matter personally though the school refused to admit the problem which ended in said boy stabbing another primary 1 in the face with a pencil. his mother now aknowledges the problem after he was suspended in p2 Good luck with dd and I hope she feels happier soon. x

MuM does not drop her off, she has two older sisters 7 and 9 in the same school i don't think i should speak to them though, but yes i may have to speak to the mother, girls can be so nasty at 4 i am so shocked.

Hope you little one ik now at school you really feel for them
thanks xx

good luck with this slink - just remember it won't be the same for your daughter because she is getting the benefit of your experience. I would definitely definitely re-approach the teacher and say that despite her popularity in class, this BULLYING from the girl in question is still deeply affecting your daughter.

All schools now should have a bullying policy. Might be worth phoning your local council office and asking the education dept. to advise you on what the school legally HAS to be doing. If the teacher for some reason isn't following the policy, don't hesitate to appraoch the headteacher. No child should have to suffer this at school and the teacher saying 'oh well, everyone else likes her!' simply isn't good enough. The girl should be stopped.

If I were you I would be telling my child always to walk away from the girl, never get involved n talking to her or being near her. Always tell a teacher (someone is on duty even in breaks!). If she can pipe up all the time it should make the teachers deal with it!

Hope some of these ideas help though you may well have done all this already. But good luck, thinking of you both x

Is the teacher taking any action? There was a incident at my DD's school when she was in reception with a couple of girls and they resolved it with a low-key circle time chat with all the children in the class about how you feel when someone is nasty to you, how nice it is when you are nice to someone etc etc, completely on their level. I think it is important that it is dealt with calmly but a strong message is put across (I'm not a teacher but they must have ways of dealing with it).

My heart goes out to you both. Good luck.

thanks beasmum not thought about finding about the school bullying policy but i will thank you.
I have told dd to stay away from her though, it's just she keeps taking her friends away from her so have said to dd that were not real friends in the first place....
xxx

I believe kidscape now run support sessions for children who are bullied. Speaking to the mother may help but if your child is so easily upset then you also need to work on changing her attitude. I'm afraid little girls can be very cruel and as they get older it may not be just the one she has to deal with. I'm sorry if that sounds unsympathetic but short term remedies aren't enough.

I agree with tatt - this 'you're not my friend, I'm not playing with you' is very common in little girls that age. I know my dd was very shocked when this started happening but unfortunately, it doesn't take long till they are all doing it. This sort of playground stuff will continue all through school so it might be a good idea to try and come up with strategies to deal with it. Perhaps you could try and find some other quieter little girls who could come round and play (in my experience, it tends to be the confident, mouthy types who like to dictate who plays with who!)?

Slink - I'm so sorry for your little one. I'm with kbear on this one though and feel that the matter needs to dealt with as a general one at a class level. Without wishing to defend a bully, I also wonder what the other child is experiencing at home to make her behave in such an unkind way. (Is she being bullied perhaps by older siblings?)I would guard against approaching the older siblings.

Bullying of your child is a very hard thing to witness so I hope you resolve this. Let us know how you get on.

I taught my DD to shout at the bully -

"LEAVE ME ALONE RIGHT NOW !!!"

This way :
a) it drew attention to the bully
b ) it was making it all public
c ) DD was not "telling tales"
d ) DD was sticking up for herself.

She only had to do it twice

HTH

well I think you need to be careful here. I certainly wouldn't be approaching the child, its siblings or its parents. They are only 4 and you are only hearing one side of the story - I know your child is upset and it does sound like this little girl has been a bit nasty in the playground but I think you need to let the teacher deal with it.

This really will not be the last time someone says something horrid to her in the playground. I know it is difficult as I have a sensitive dd aswell who still finds all this playground stuff hard to handle but I really think you need to explain to your dd that she doesn't need to play with little girls like this if she doesn't want to - and that there are other children who haven't been horrid to her (I assume that it a large enough school that's she's got other little girls she can play with).

Also, tell her to approach the playground monitor if she is feeling upset at break time so that it can be dealt with straight away.

Hi Slink, I spent most of yesterday crying because my dd is not happy in school either, not sure why yet but previous to this she has been happy and confident. You have my sympathy. Its awful isnt it? xx

DD's school has a friendship bench were you sit if you're not playing a game with anyone and the playground monitors (year 2's) come over and make friends and start a new game or something. It sounds like a billy-no-mates bench to us adults but it actually works and there seems to be no stigma attached to sitting there. Might be that your best mate is off that day or your usual gang are running around and you don't feel like it and want to play a quiet game.

Maybe put a note in the school suggestion/comments box to start something similar.

My other tip is to teach your DD something special, like a new clapping game (I know loads since DD started school) which she can teach her friends and perhaps the child that is being nasty might join in and things might smooth over.

HTH

"Where" you sit.... before I get told off by the spelling police!

Thank you all so much, well back from school and she had a better day, she played with her usual frinds and this particular little girl was not allowed to join in (they decided.) I also was speaking to one of the mums and i know she had a simular problem with her dd and this girl. Our dd's get on so we have said that they should get together and play as also yesterday the not so nice girl spat in her dd's face.

So hears hoping that all will be ok...........for now.
I like the idea of the bench will say so to the teacher. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Friendship bench sounds lovely!

Great SLink ... I'm all for Girl power ... great to see kids dealing with bullies themselves .... safety in numbers sometimes

school and reception is a whole new world compared to nursery. my d/d came home today with her face scratched. Said it was certain child who if i am being honest seems to be not a very nice little girl. In past has said some mean things etc..... myd/d is popular too i have told d/d to just run away and play tag with someone else!!??? but today i was shocked to see scratches and when she told me who it had been I just walked down to teacher and said what had happened. she said no it happened when they were playing together in playground and not when lining up. Went on to say how she had treated scratch. I just said I am more concerned with incident. There has been a few strange comments about same child and I know they have to grow up but would appreciate if you could keep an eye on situation so it does not get out of hand. thanks. It was my natural reaction to find out what had happened. It has to be said wee girls are a nightmare so bitchy and only in reception. I have to say d/d has been coming out with strange things like your not my friend anymore etc...... all what has been quoted previously.

sorry Slink didn't mean to write an essay. Do you think i did the right thing approaching teacher?

Pudding i think you did the right thing, you have to approach the teacher. Lets face it they don't see everything they have huge classes and sometimes put bullying doown to "settleing in"

Also know what you mean about coming out with things, dd says to dh and i "break up " if we don't let her stay up or do something, or " don't love you/like you" burb.. god i can go on she was always taught please thank you....

i think they get worse don't they?????

Slink it is like they are saying bold/naughty things with intent now. to get a reaction sometimes

There will no doubt be loads more incidences like these you just want to be in there corner for them. let us know how d/d gets on.