I bloody hate GOLDEN TIME - it's crap

[chubbleigh]

My feisty wee boy just can't make it work, he's starting to give up and settle for not being able to make it like the other kids, mostly the girls who find it easy to keep the whole 30 mins. He was doing OK until this tactic for behaviour was taken by the school, now he is back to accepting that he is 'naughty' and I don't think it is doing anything for his self-esteem. He doesn't like the pressure so often he will just blow it early in the week so the time is gone and he can get on with being himself.

Please tell me I am not the only one who thinks this is a rubbish approach to behavior improvement making the kids with, shall we say, a 'vibrant' nature feel worse about themselves, not better. Mostly boys at that.

If he's standardly not getting golden time then I think you need to discuss with the teacher other ways of dealing with him.

Do they really have one blow and they're out? My ds has a system of clouds. They get golden time if they're on the sun, reduced time on white cloud, and none on black cloud. They can move up and down and ime they do their utmost to try and find an excuse to move the child up just before golden time. I have a suspicion he's shortly going to work out that he only needs to behave on Fridays for this though.

Otoh having had 2 dd's who used to find it frustrating that the more "lively" ones seemed to constantly get stickers etc. for behaving in patches, it is a way of giving a reward to the children who do usually behave. Dd1's (in year R) description of how to maximise your stickers in a week ("you are bad in the morning then you get a sticker for being not-bad in the afternoon") is unfortunately true. (as ds proves-he gets far more rewards than they did)

Are you sure you've got a realistic view of your "feisty" lad? IME teachers only take the whole lot for a very good reason, so a better tactic might be to have a chat to the school about you can support them with this

Yes my DS has goldentime at his school, sometimes he gets it sometimes he doesn't...it's now been added onto the schools existing behaviour policy which states that they can infact reverse the time taken by amending their ways, maybe you could ask about this in your DS's case

No chance of getting golden time back, it only goes down in 5 minute increments, not up, so you can't redeem yourself. Currently he is averaging 5 minutes a week, if he gets 10 or 15 I regard that as pretty much a good week. He's not fooled by all this sticker stuff, he just doesn't buy into it. He thinks all this stickers etc. as something other kids do now and he lets them get on with it. He's quite savvy about it, he knows it's a device and he can do without it.

I don't think I am unrealistic about him, I know he is a handful, he's got more energy than he knows what to do with, he's better out of school than in. All those things they say about teaching boys, well he has got it all, 100% and more. He is a kind of teacher barometer, one who is right on their game can sort him, they tell me he is 'a challenge'. He is very popular with other kids, girls and boys alike. He achieves but it is a fight all the way.
I know I am going to spend his whole school career listening to 'Do you mind if we have a little chat'. If I had a £.....

Challenge..feisty...vibrant

Dear god woman read between the lines....

Your pub is a pain in the arse

Pub - pfb

Had you thought about addressing hisq behaviour ar all?

Used to have goldentime in my old school, don't in my new school... behaviour much better in new school. We have a finishing off afternoon, with art and a class book. It's a much better use of class time IMO (and calmer) and it doesn't make anyone feel marginalised.

So your problem with "golden time" is, basically, that your "handful" of a son can't behave himelf for long enough to get any?

It sounds like there isn't a consequence for his misbehaving. If you want to help your son then you need to stop making excuses for him and teach him to sit down and shut up in class.

Late August born DNephew copes perfectly well at this half way through reception, and he has diagnosed behavioral difficulties. Get yourself into that school and find out how to help the teacher to help your son.

My dd1 is in Year 1 and sounds exactly the same as your ds. However, unlike you, I talked to the teacher and we worked out some different strategies for controlling her "vibrant" nature. I know that my dd is a handful and I know that GT doesn't work for her. It is great for the consistently well-behaved kids, though, so I don't hate it as a concept. Dd's behaviour has improved due to the other strategies and so she loses less GT, which works as an extra incentive. Talk to the teacher about what you can do to improve your son's behaviour.

what is "golden time?"

I don't think it is "mostly girls" who manage to have all their golden time. In DD2's reception class I see the "behaviour board" (I don't think that's the actual word!) and it is very few children who have golden time lopped off at the end of the week. Never more than 2 in a class of 30.

I think it's a good system. All too often in schools, the well behaved majority are ignored so the teacher can control the feisty kids. For just one half an hour, they get a reward for that good behaviour that goes unnoticed. It's not a girl/boy thing either as there are challenging kids of both genders in equal measures in my experience.

In DD2's class, they are given opportunities to win back lost time. I can see that the incentive wouldn't work if it's too easy to blow it all at the beginning of the week. Also think you need to have a serious talk with your son's teacher about what behaviour strategies will help him to channel his energy in a more constructive way. A child that requires a teacher to be constantly "right on their game" must be exhausting for everyone.

I'm sorry, but I agree that you need to talk to the teachers about finding other ways to manage his behaviour. You don't say how old he is - I'm guessing reception or year 1 - but the real issue is not golden time, but the need to sort this out.

So well behaved shouldnt get rewarded?

Tbh it sounds like you need to wake up and realise your kid needs to learn to behave. You talk about it like he has no control over his actions yet you dont mention any SN so im guessing that actually these consequences might be just what he needs. What kind of consequences does he get at home?

My ds is 5 and fesity and hyperactive and boisterous and fidgety but he isnt naught at school because he knows he has to behave no ifs, buts or maybes and certainly no sympathy from me if he doesnt 'manage' it. Hes perfectly capable, its his choice to make.

I talk about my 17 month old daughter like you do about your son. She is all the things you say and more and sometimes i dont think she CAN help herself - this is because she is 17 months old.

Sorry to be harsh but i really think you need to take charge of the situation.

As a teacher, my considered professional opinion is that Golden Time is a load of bollocks.

That's what I meant in my post tethers, but you put it sooo much better

What is Golden Time???

Golden time is the work of the devil IMHO

Kids with sn/sen who cant physically sit still are punished for it. Kids like my son - a "good" boy - gets punished if his table misbehaves....and so on and so on.

Doesnt do much for their self esteem either, constantly being told they are "naughty" when they are just acting like a normal 4/5 year old.

Its one of the many problems of putting kids together in year groups where some kids are 11/10 months older than others and yet expecting the same level of self control/awareness from them all.

What on earth is GOlden TIme? Is it akin to Circle Time....

Golden Time is a half hour kids get on Fri afternoons to do what they like in lcass - read, play quietly with friends, play with toys etc. Time can be taken off for bad behaviour (but in our school, whole tables are not punished for the behaviour of one child! If child A is naughty then only child A has less golden time!).

IMO it's a good idea. My dd - Yr 3 - who is very well behaved, enjoys it and finds it a pleasure.

OP - I agree with some of the other posters - you need to take control of your dc's behaviour. Vibrant, feisty??? Sounds like a pain in the arse!!! Children like that, imo, take up a disproportionate amount of the teacher and TA's time and more able, better behaved children suffer. It's not bloody fair imo. If every child did whatever they wanted in class, shouted out, demanded attention all the time, then what time does the teacher have left for everyone else??? Well behaved children deserve a reward for their good behaviour, regardless of whether other, naughtier/less controlled children can mnage to keep their golden time or not.

If you want to help him, ask the teacher what aspects of his behaviour he needs to improve on. Then work on things one at a time with him at home. If he constantly fidgets and can't keep quiet during a story, then practice reading to him with him sitting still etc. Consequences if he doesn't - positive attention once he cracks it.

Teachers are there to teach learning not crowd control. Basic behaviour like sitting quietly, not interrupting when a teacher is talking, not annoying other kids when they are trying to work should be taught or at least encouraged at home. I see it as our job to support the teachers, and that means making sure our DC's behaviour is suitable for a classroom situation. Tough if he doesn't like it - there are other children in the classroom - it would be chaos if all the parents had imparted your attitude to their kids. It seems to me, that he is picking up on your attitude, and you are effectively condoning his bad behaviour.

DD doesn't have golden time at her school, but to me it seems a good idea, as then children who behave consistently are rewarded. (I have and would bollock her if she was mucking about in class as it isn't fair on the other kids, even if she is bored.)

DD3 lost one minute in Yr1 - we were told at pick up (as this was very unusual for him) and the sky turned black when he got home. Stern talking too, sent to his room with no dinner. He has never lost a minute since (now yr4) - nor have his brothers. If they know you have the highest expectations of them they will meet them, or meet the consequences. I absolutely would not tolerate my kids getting in trouble or misbehaving at all at school. IMHO you need to put your foot down and let him know it's unacceptable and there will be consequences at home, not just at school as you need to be seen to be working with them - not making excuses for him. If you think he is getting them unfairly then it is something you need to discuss with the teacher urgently. With several years experience of 'golden time' it's generally easy to guess which kids lose minutes every week - that's not me being mean or nasty, the teachers will have appropriate levels of expectations for their age and will take into account any SN, so this continued loss should signal a problem to you. I think your first stop is his teacher to have this same discussion ...