Pros and cons of repeating a year for 'underage' boy

[whiskersonkittens]

My DS, currently Yr 5, is a 'year ahead' and has been since YR.

I am seriously considering him repeating a year so he goes to secondary at the 'right' time but am not sure what it would do to his self esteem.

He is socially, emotionally and academically spot on where he is and a similar height to most of the boys. However, being the youngest he very rarely gets into the match teams for football, which he loves.

I am unsure about him being at secondary age 12 / 13 with 14 / 15 year olds and also figure that in his 'correct' year group he may have more chance to shine at sport.

The plan would be to move schools for a 'new' Yr 5 and Yr 6, then move onto secondary with that cohort - I could never ask him to repeat a year in the same school. Hopefully he would not get bored re-doing Yr 5 as he would be able to channel his energies into making new friends and getting used to the new set up etc

Is moving school for just 2 years unfair? Is letting him go up to secondary a year ahead a good or a bad idea?

All advice appreciated

That sounds like a really good idea to me. I think school is about so much more than academic achievement and although being a year ahead has probably helped him up until this point, at secondary school his confidence could well take a big knock if he's smaller and less physically mature than his peers. His development/emotional maturity will be a year behind too, which at that age could lead to teasing about puberty/girls etc.

Also his friends may be going out on their own, staying out later and venturing further, which will force him to do so or be left out - your views on those things could affect how well he mingles with the older children. (Bear in mind that by the time they all reach the age of drinking/going out to clubs etc he'll also be wanting to do all that a year earlier than usual!)

If he's happy to move schools could you choose one which is another feeder for the same secondary as his current school, so that he can look forward to being reunited with familiar faces next year? By that point he'll have new friends and probably won't be that fussed anyway but it would feel like less of a wrench for him.

BTW my DS has moved primary schools twice, one of them for just 1 year. He isn't the most sociable boy, but soon made new friends and can barely remember the ones he was so close to at previous schools, even though he now sees them at secondary.

Is he at a private school at present? If so look for a good one, that will stretch him and have a different approach to the subjects.
If it is a state school, again look around for one with a different approach, and that will stretch him in different ways.

I understand your concerns and I do believe that you are doing the right thing. There is more to life than academic achievement and the right school will continue to push your ds in his 'correct school year group'.

I went to school (both primary and secondary) with a boy who was put in the year above i.e. he was a year younger than the rest us, but still one of the brightest. Everything was fine until the final 2 years at secondary. This is where the difference in age came very apparent socially and speaking to him years later (we are still good friends) he has said that he really felt different than the rest of us, as we were allowed to do a, b, c now we were 16 but he wasn't. He also had to stay on in 6th form due to the legal aspects, but things felt different for him.

I think your approach sounds great. The social skills he'll gain from being with his own peer group far outweigh the boredom risk. I know plenty of adults who raced ahead as kids, only to be the only pre-pubescent kid in the 6th form.

Thanks all - the first time everyone has agreed with me on Mumsnet

Now all I have to do is 'sell' it to DS ...