school meals- am I being unreasonable?

[miggy]

DS1 is pathologically fussy about food, I think he has mild dyspraxia and that the food thing is a symptom of this. I manage this as best I can at home, because I worry about his weight etc. The problem is school. They are not allowed pack lunches and only one meal is on offer. 4 days out of 5, there will not be anything (main course or desert) that DS will eat. If they dont want the main course, they are allowed a slice of bread (plastic white pap) and for desert a piece of fruit. I have always been unhappy about this but at least assumed there was some kind of supervision, this week things have really annoyed me. One day this week he had 3 doughnuts for lunch (that was the pudding and he ate ones others didnt want-what was the member of staff at the table thinking of to let him eat 3), today the bread had run out and he had one kiwi fruit for lunch (and is at school from 8.30-6.30 today).
I am going to speak to the headmaster but I know he will say that rules have to be applied to all but do you think it would be unreasonable for me to ask if he could take in some wholemeal bread and extra fruit at least? Its really hard because he is fussy to a whole new level and when you say to the school, my child is fussy, they just think you are being a neurotic parent- but I have 2 other children so have a good definition of "normal" fussy, IYSWIM

what???!!!! a slice of bread??

can he come home for lunch?

no-not allowed to come home.

thanks Dinosaur and Misdee. He wouldnt eat a cereal bar! Seriously, the problem is that he cannot bear to break any rule (scan signs before entering play area etc), there is no way he would secretly eat a sandwich. It has to be an official thing. I just know they are going to say "well we cant have one rule for one and not for everyone else" and wanted someback up before I tackle them as to how hard i push. To my shame this has gone on for years (reception-yr6). Is a real problem now because he is heavier than I would like so I try to give him a healthy diet within the bounds of what he will eat, and also 3 nights a week (sometimes 4) he is at school until 6 or later.

is he unhealthily heavey, or just heavier than u would like? will the situation change when he goes to secondry school (next year??) as they usually have a wider choice and options available there. i cant belive that some schools dont allow packed lunches these days. howe do they accomadate for kids with special diets?

don't they have to accomodate children with special diets??? i'm sure i have read somewhere that they do!

i know at my friends childs school they have this rule,but imo its ludicrous,my ds has packed lunch as he doesnt eat processed food,he has food intolerances,but even if he didnt i wouldnt allow him to eat such crap as they serve there.our boroughs school dinners are sponsered by "mccanns" frozen foods.i was reassured by a teacher that theydont have chips every day,no,but instead they have potato waffles ,frozen smiley faces etc etc.i cant offer any helpful advice,can you get your gp or health visitor to write you an "exemption" letter?another friend has a child with very severe eating disorder,he truly will only eat a certain typen of crisp and white choc buttons,although the school have a healthy eating policy,ie,no choc etc,they have quite rightly made an exception for him,and it has had no reverberations with other children or whatever.

As the mother of 1 very fussy ds and 1 normal eater dd I can really sympathise and I do not think you are being unreasonable to pursue this with the school. If they wont allow packed lunches then they must provide a choice of some sort - how do they cope with veggie kids or religious / special diets? My ds would be horrified if he could not have his packed lunch and although I would love the school to 'cure' him of his fussyness , I know that they are unlikely to succeed. It is a part of him and cannot be changed any more than I could change the colour of his eyes.

We would not force an adult to each from such a limited choice - why should they try and inflict this on kids? If you cannot get anywhere with the head, maybe you could speak to your dr or health visitor and get some support from them?

Miggy - do they have snacks/drinks in the mornings or in the afternoons? Especially when he is staying so late.

Personally I don't think it unreasonable to offer no choice for a meal - this is what we had as children at school, and this is what I do at home. But I realise that's not going to be a popular opinion here My 4 yr old has a huge choice for school dinners, which I think is far too daunting. No-one is going to waste away if they miss a meal, and for most children the take-it-or-leave-it approach will encourage them to be less fussy, and eat what's on offer. I would expect this is actually a marketing point of the school?

Are your older children at the school already?

Miggy I think you certainly have a point about the bread. Why doesn't the school offer wholemeal? Can't you tell them white bread makes him constipated! Are children supervised as closely as a member of staff to a table in year 6 these days? I'm sure we just had a couple of dinner ladies wandering around the hall. Is it a private school?

Not allowing packed lunches is outrageous. DS2 is a picky eater too and on a couple of occasions when he was younger, he forgot to take his packed lunch - the school arranged for him to have a school dinner, he didn't like any of it and just sat there and cried.

miggy, he can't go from 8.30 - 6.30 on just a slice of white bread. Is it a state school? If so and the head refuses to make an exception then I think you should go to the Governors, and if that's no good go to the LEA.

If it is a private school though I don't know what your options are.

The whole issue of school meals is fast becoming a scandal IMO. Miggy, if your child was diabetic they would have to make special arrangements for him, or he would be falling into comas. Surely you have good medical reasons for needing a special arrangement?

At my dds' school (secondary) they have a cafe type arrangement. The other day we were in a hurry going to a clinic appointment so I bought my daughter a sandwich in Asda and a piece of fruit to munch in the car. She was astonished to find the Asda sandwich was half the price of the school one. If Asda can afford to do it, why can't the school?

dd2 often has a big plate of sweetcorn at school just because it is the only vegetable available. She isn't a fussy eater. I think most of the pupils eat chips every day, but like to think my dds have more sense.

School is a place where we learn eating habits that can last a lifetime and I think most of the food provided there is decidedly unhealthy and poor quality.

Janstar, school meals are now provided by independent, profit-making companies. That's the scandal. They buy the cheapest (most disgusting in some cases) ingredients and sell the food to a captive market for prices as high as they like.

kmg- I agree not unreasonable to have only one meal, my other 2 are in reception and year one and I know what they are eating, not choosing chips everyday etc. The meals are good quality and reasonably healthy/balanced and I know that my other 2 eat most or all of their meal, leaving the odd bit they dont like. Its just that ds1 is so extreme in his eating at at 10 is not going to change in the near future.
It is a private school and he is there for another 2 yrs which is the problem (to end yr 8).
He is "solid" no waist, fat legs and some fat around his tummy. I think I will do what some of you have suggested and perhaps get a letter from the GP before I go.
thanks all

miggy or others, none of my kids are at school yet so please explain to me the no packed lunch rule.
Is this common in many schools?
What is the thinking behind it?

On the face of it it sounds completely ridiculous and an infringement of the parent and the child's rights.

what about equal opps? cant you say your child is a vegatarian or doesnt eat certain foods for religeos reasons - i mean i know its a long shot - but i would do it ifi thought my kid wasnt eating at school.

also send in a leter things in writing are always taken more seriously. ask for a copy of their complaints proceedure and follow it. write to the PTA then write to your councillor and health authority, get a letter from your doctor.

there are no school dinners at my childrens junior school - i find packed lunches a pain in the arse - but i tell you what - i know what they have had for dinner and if i have had a really crappy day at work - i can be a bit rubbish with their tea. cos i know what they have had to eat

not that you needed that last bit of info!

they cant have packed lunches at my dd's school either (she goes to special school) I was worried because she was very fussy like your son. But she has proved me wrong, she eats what everyone else eats and her eating habits and skills have improved no end. They have dinner time assistants to help any child who is having difficulty in feeding.

all i acn say is that i will never moan about our boy's school again (as far as dinners anyway!!!!)
They can take packed lunches or have a cooked meal or a 'school' packed luch- they are offered 2 meal options which they choose at registration (excellent for SEN kids who if like mine ar limited to a few foods they will eat- and need a GUARANTEE that the food liked will be served)and there's 2 pud and fresh fruit. The only 'gripe' i have is that for playtimesd they are only allowed milk/water \nd fruit...i'd like them to be able to take cheese or yogurts....but after reading this thread i really feel lucky that this school is so good at lunches....however managing to feed 300 kids this way does mean that they have several sittings and this does cause probs with son's who like sameness!!!