Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Education

Join the discussion on our Education forum.

Is this letter going to offend the head teacher?

22 replies

katymac · 23/01/2006 16:09

I'm not going to give it to him, just use it for reference in a meeting with him and the school nurse. Is it too confrontational?

"DD was being bullied both at home & at school. We discovered this last February, the child doing the bullying left our childminding and it was effectively dealt with at school.

A few weeks later a different child at school bullied her again. This was when the bed-wetting started. This went on for some time with incidents like the ?brown xxxx? conversation happening. Around this time DD had diarrhoea for about 9 weeks ? the Doctor assured us that this had no medical basis, but was stress related or caused by an emotional problem. She dealt with the situation herself ? eventually declining to go to the child?s birthday party and refusing to play with her at school.

It was suggested (by school) that home might be more ?fun? than school, I discussed that with her the same evening I said "how wonderful and exciting it would be with her at home all summer as we could C/M together and she can play with the babies etc" she said "Mum, I don't want to upset you.... but.... school is more fun than home".

I have also discussed returning to work ? which Rose refused to consider at all.

Her end of term report mentioned, ?not badly behaved but seems to lack motivation? ?minor rebellious phases? ?erratic work? and that she is not ?enthuse(d)?.

At a party with DH?s family during the summer holiday ? she seemed surprised that there were so many ?beautiful brown? ladies and girls. She asked if ?brown? people were allowed to be beautiful, when reassured that they were she was shocked. She had a significant problem at the end of the last school year with body image and ?hated? her brown hair and skin. However due to this party, lots of work (scrap-booking) and discussing, along with an encouraging a positive self image. This does seem to be better at the moment.

Until recently whilst subdued at home she is relatively easy to cheer up and enjoys all the normal little girl activities, however over the last half term both Brownie leaders and some adult leaders of youth club have expressed concerns about her confidence and enthusiasm.

I was concerned that she was participating in too many out of school activities so I reduced them.

She used to do:
Swimming two or three times a week
Dancing twice a week (plus at school)
Brownies
Youth Club
Piano Lessons
Gym club

This has reduced to:
Dancing
Brownies
Youth Club
Piano Lessons
Gym Club

I cannot reduce these classes further as she gets upset when I suggest it.

She attended an African Dance day in October half term ? which she loved. It was a session with 15 -20 girls which she went to by herself, without a suggestion of nervousness or problems with confidence. She has also attended private sailing lessons at Whittlingham Broad (one to one) without any problems. She has progressed well with her Gym, moving up a class level unexpectedly

I took her to the Indigo Dyslexia Centre to be checked. I was told she was not dyslexic (but had problems pronouncing some words ? apparently often due to reading (silently) above her age), but was extremely bright especially in Maths. A teacher who visits our house regularily has also told me this. She considers DD?s understanding of Maths and mathematical concepts to be excellent.

Currently she is wetting her bed 3-5 times a week, we are booked into the Enuresis clinic, and have discussed strategies with a specialist nurse. The nurse is surprised that she is dry during the school holiday (but it is normal that she is dry when she goes away or for a sleep over) and feels that this suggests it is a school based problem."

OP posts:
Blu · 23/01/2006 16:14

Nope, nothing remotely offensive in their, it is relevant, factual and clear.

katymac · 23/01/2006 16:16

Really - I am glad - I think school is causing the problems - but I don't want to rub his nose in it

OP posts:
katymac · 23/01/2006 17:18

Can you tell I'm dreading this?

OP posts:
edam · 23/01/2006 17:22

I think your letter is fine, agree with Blu.

goldenoldie · 23/01/2006 17:25

Good letter - but does not say what you expect/want/demand the head to do?

katymac · 23/01/2006 17:27

That is a valid point - I'm not sure

I think she is bright & bored - I also feel that the bullying is still going on

The meeting is to arrange a referral to the Family support team (with an ultimate aim of her seeing an Educational Psychologist) But we can't be referred unless the school nurse knows it is either a school based or home based problem

OP posts:
frogs · 23/01/2006 17:28

Might be worth trying to write down what outcomes you are hoping for, and what specific actions you would like the school to take.

Having had several meetings like this with the headteacher of dd1's school, I've found it's very easy to go in worked up, and deliver a long list of all the bad things that have happened but forget to specify what you want them to do about it. It will probably seem obvious to you, but is definitely worth clarifying it in your own mind beforehand so that you can spell it out to them.

Being able to suggest positive courses of action also means they are less likely to feel overwhelmed by your list of criticisms and react defensively.

Your points seem entirely reasonable to me, btw, but as an outsider it isn't immediately clear what you are hoping to achieve from the meeting.

hth

katymac · 23/01/2006 17:28

But I could give up on the school and either just move her or pay to see an Ed Psy, & then move her if s/he agrees that she is either bored or bullied

maybe?

OP posts:
katymac · 23/01/2006 17:30

I think I want someone to say DD is unhappy - what can we do to sort it out

I don't think that is going to happen - what do I want from the meeting?

OP posts:
katymac · 23/01/2006 17:38

Any ideas what I should want as an outcome?

I'm really crap at this

OP posts:
rarrie · 23/01/2006 17:38

As the others have said, it seems perfectly respectful, but you haven't made clear what your thoughts really are.

Are you concerned that your DD is gaining a poor self image at school, and you want them to monitor it / look at positive encouragement

or are you trying to say that you know the problem is with other children at school, and you want them to act now? And if so, what do you want done about it??

katymac · 23/01/2006 17:42

Oh Bu&&er

I'm no further on am I?

The school thinks that her problems are caused at home

I think I'd like an admission that school is contributing to them

I think I'd like her assessed as her teacher says her work is barely adequate and I think she is very brigt

OP posts:
katymac · 23/01/2006 18:12

In addition to these

1)I think I'd like an admission that school is contributing to DD's problems and they aren't solely home based.
2)I think I'd like her assessed as her teacher says her work is barely adequate and I think she is very bright

I would also like

  1. that she is streached at school - she has got used to not even trying as the work is too easy

Is there anything else I can reasonably ask?

OP posts:
Celia2 · 23/01/2006 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

katymac · 23/01/2006 19:32

Thanks - that gives me something to work towards

My meeting is at 1pm tomorrow

Could you send me the CAT's (are they reasonably easy to administer?)

When she was tested for Dyslexia - the chap said she got all the "easy" questions wrong and got more & more correct as the questions got harder....

OP posts:
Celia2 · 23/01/2006 19:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

katymac · 23/01/2006 21:25

Thanks Celia

I'm still working on what outcomes I wnt from the meeting

OP posts:
katymac · 24/01/2006 21:23

No positive outcomes at all

I should go on a parenting course (well maybe I should - but I do worry about the 14 other children I look after & their parents reactions if I need a parenting course)

I can have a referral to the Family Support Team if I agree that she is happy at school and miserable everywhere else (the other way round is more likely)

The school refuses to accept there is a problem

OP posts:
Celia2 · 25/01/2006 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

katymac · 25/01/2006 21:17

Thanks Celia (of course I'll send it back)

Have you seen this?

OP posts:
Celia2 · 25/01/2006 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

katymac · 25/01/2006 22:28

He's all over me now - I think he was told off

He's my age (ish maybe 5 yrs older)

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread