What has happened to previously clever ds?

[gramercy]

My ds is 13. Youngest in year 9 at decent comprehensive school.

Until probably this year he was the leading light academically. Primary school academic prize, highest SATS English mark in county, winner of chess championships, accomplished at piano, yada yada yada. And I am not a pushy parent. Interested, yes. But he was self-motivated and a bright spark.

I've recently noticed that he seems to have stalled, or even regressed. He told me rather forlornly that he is at the bottom of his (admittedly top) sets in Maths and French. His English marks have slipped too.

I suppose he has been used to achieving quite easily without any effort, and presumably now some is required.

Anyone any experience of this or ideas on how I can help him?

Could he be bored? If he's bored by the work (having not really had to make an effort) then he might have given up a bit, just doing the minimum.

A glance at his school books would probably give you a good idea. Is the work slapdash? What comments is he getting back from the teachers? What can he say about those comments? (eg, why didn't he cover those points in an essay etc?)

Is he doing all his homework? How many hours screen time is he having of an evening? Is he rushing work so he can go on facebook or XBox live?

He doesn't do much homework at all. And anything he does do is very slapdash. I think he needs a massive boot up the backside, but I'm not sure how to deliver it without resorting to hysterical cliches. He doesn't go on Facebook or do much XBoxing, but does spend untold hours reading superhero comics.

Is he happy? Is there social pressure to under achieve to 'fit in'? Or might he be the type of child who if he can't be top dog, gives up altogether? There are more children at secondary so probably a few that are his equal, it could be he doesn't like the competitive element of being top, whereas at junior he possibly didn't have any competition, so worked at his own pace.

Sounds like boot up the backside time I'm afraid!
Do you work? Just wondered if you could do any work you needed to in an evening and both sit at the same table therefore setting him the example that everyone has to do this kind of thing. I used to do my marking at the same table as my nephew so he couldn't complain that other people were watching telly or playing.

Are school complaining? Is he meeting his targets? You need to find something for him to aim for that's easily measured otherwise you can't exactly turn round and say you're docking his pocket money because he doesn't look like he's making an effort!

He sounds like a child that can be motivated. You want him to want to be the best that he can be. Start by looking at his books and his homework. Ask if he is doing his best. Help him do his best.

Don't resort to bribery, that is not his own motivation and puts you and the reward in between him and his work.

Maybe give one of his teachers a call without him knowing, find out what they think?

I've often been told by teachers that year 9 is the hardest with all those tricky hormones and teenage angst flying around. It sounds as though regular boots up the backside combined with loss of liberty (grounding for bad marks or late homework) or bribery, whatever you find works with him. Both my DDs went through a lazy spell in year 9, they were back on track by year 10 though.

Thanks for your helpful comments.

Good point that step 1 could be having a sneaky look through his books whilst he's at school. Although I don't think much marking goes on!

I shall have to have a muse on how best to administer a satisfactory "boot".

Are you in the middle of choosing options? Are options affecting his sparkiness. Or, even worse, is his lack of spark affecting his options.

Is it a case of cherchez la femme?

Presumably he knows from music that effort = progress. He just needs reminding that this applies in academics too. Don't be too hard on him: if he is fessing up that he is slipping, not the teachers telling you, then it must be preying on his mind and he is feeling bad already. When is parents' evening?

Yes, he has to choose his options in the next couple of weeks. He is majorly dithering about over these - after ruling out PE, Art and Geography, he is quite keen on everything. He did mutter "I don't want to grow up" when he got home from school today

The problem with parents' evening is that the victim child is sitting there alongside you, so it is rather difficult to be candid.

Aw, poor lamb. Tell him that it takes a long time to grow up. Inbetweeners switch from being kids to putative adults and back to kids again all the time. Boys don't usually get the hang of being grown up until 26. At the very least!

LOL @ 26.

He might not really be bottom of the set. I suspect his perception is a little bit off if he's always v easily been top of everything.

I'm not sure homework is necessary in Yr 9.

Seeing that he is so good at English, I was trying to recall the Shakespeare quotation for him but can't remember it: the one about sending boys away between 16 and 26 because their growing pains are so awful for everyone else. Somebody help me out!

Aw poor lad. Not the boot, I don't think. Chats and pep talks.

Your hunch is in all probability the right one, gramercy. Your DS has found learning easy up until now and has not needed to apply himself. He has not therefore developed study skills. He is now confronted with learning things that are a bit harder and require some application and doesn't have the study skills to do so.

Personally, I would talk to his class teacher in the first instance and see whether the school can help. If not, get a tutor in fast - a good tutor will help your DS to develop study skills in a few sessions and it will be money well spent.

I really think you might be onto something there, Bonsoir.

He told me he has a controlled assessment in English today - writing a poetry appreciation. I had a bit of an argument with him because I said I was of the belief that other people prepared for these controlled assessments - they didn't walk in and wing it on the day. He was all "No, no, no - I'll think of some points at the time."

We had something of a similar issue with DSS2 - we moved him from his comprehensive French collège where he was right at the top of the class and never did any homework to a more selective school, where is still top of the class but needs to work to stay there. I still don't think he has great study skills (much less good ones that his less brilliant older brother) but at least he is no longer coasting. We may move him again to a more challenging school, if he gets in.

I can see that ds would have suited a more stringent environment, but that is not financially possible.

I shall have to have a google around study skills.

He sounds a bit like me at school. I could never be bothered with homework and the like and there was definitely a transitional period where I fell from the top of everything to somewhere near the middle. I got consecutive school reports with the worst marks I had ever had in my life. I was ashamed to take them home. It never happened again - that was the required boot in the backside for me. Have you thought about talking to your ds about it and enforcing time to do homework?

I have pointed out to all of mine that "winging it" will only get you so far and that at some point you have to learn to put in the work. Year 9 is a good time to learn that its time to knuckle down rather than the end of year 11.

DS could probably get through any tests in the first couple of years at secondary without having to worry about revision and still do very well. He's in year 10 now and I get a bit hysterical if I know he hasn't prepared properly for controlled assessments or any class tests. He has done a lot of things at school about how to revise and different ways of learning things but he didn't always apply them and preferred to go for a quick read through of his notes. He'd get the hard questions at the end that relied on understanding right but would have lost all the easy marks at the beginning of the test . Now that he is moving towards actual assessment for his GCSEs he seems to be realising that if he wants to get the grades he's been predicted he needs to do get all of the marks and that some revision helps.

He is doing an English Language controlled assessment today and yes he has prepared and planned exactly what he is going to write because that is the best way to get the higher marks. Gramercy I think your DS needs a little prod to get him back on track.

Perhaps gramercy once he has sorted out his options he'll feel more focussed?

I think children with a lot of options can feel paralysed. If each teacher is saying you should do my subject (and obviously they do a selling job to the top set), it can be hard. The pitches have already begun for my DD in year 8 with teachers saying of course everyone in this set will want to do French.
DC can get all dithery about it, I think.

Also, around 12/13 I think there can be a lot of rejigging between the pupils. DC that had previoulsy been imature suddenly focus. The younger DC in the year seem to catch up (if they're allowed and haven't been pegged by expectation). Some DC get completely polaxed by puberty.
Among DS's peers, there has been a lot of movement in the old pecking order.

Thanks for all your points.

It seems that everyone's right! Yes, he has been used to coming top without any effort; yes, he is paralysed by having to choose options; yes, he's 13 so is being a bit weird - one minute he's my baby, the next it's "Gerroffff"; and yes - he's a lazy arse.