Does it bother you that someone else collects your children from school?

[roisin]

I've always picked the boys up from playgroup/school/nursery, and we've had a long walk home so they've had time to fill me in on all their day's activities.

Since June my working hours don't allow it, and I never get to pick them up, and I feel I'm missing out so much. We are fortunate that dh works flexible hours, so he can nearly always pick them up, but in my heart of hearts I would still rather it were me. Also I usually get home shortly after they do, which is great, but they have already "talked off" their day and are ready to go and play/chill out/do homework; and rarely have any enthusiasm left to tell me about their day.

Today, for instance, ds1 (8) came out of school absolutely devastated and in floods of tears because he hadn't got a speaking part in the play that he'd auditioned for. I had a meeting after school, so by the time I was back the whole incident was completely dealt with, dh had comforted and placated him, and he didn't want to discuss it with me at all.

Maybe if I'd never had the opportunity to pick them up and talk to them at the end of the day, I wouldn't miss it so much!

I pick up/drop off 2 days (my parents do others)I miss the chat with parents and teachers etc and find it much harder to have friends for tea etc.

oh roisin thats sad. poor you

It bothered me, when I started my new job at easter, that i couldn't collect DD from nursery and her daddy was doing both the drop off and pick up. I felt really out of the loop. I actually dropped half a day and then rearranged my hours to do 2.5 days over 3 - so that 2 days a week I can get to nursery for her.

Know what you mean. It would bother me a lot. I've organised my week so that I pick dd up on three days, dh does one. Big cut in pay (which luckily we can cope with) but huge advantage for me. It's when I meet her friends and their mums and hear all the news 'fresh'. I wish we had a longer walk home, because as soon as she's in she wants to rush off and do something. Know what you mean about them being 'talked off'.

Is there no room for negotiation on your working hours? They won't be this age again. Even one day a week makes big difference as my dh will tell you.

Yes, I know what you mean Roisin. I work full-time, and don't usually manage to pick my dd up from school. I can sometimes manage it on a Friday, and she's always so pleased when I do (even though she adores her childminder). OTOH, I do manage to take them both to school/nursery most mornings, and that makes up for it a bit. I don't feel totally out of the loop. When dd1 started in reception she did a term of just going in the afternoon, so the c/m had to take her to school and pick her up, and that was horrible. I felt totally cut off from her school life. Luckily it was just one term. Dd2 should be doing her term of afternoons next term, and I'm not looking forward to it at all.

Not much help, but lots of sympathy.

(If my dds are reluctant to tell me what they've been up to at school when I collect them from the c/m, I do sometimes save it for later, and we have a good chat about school and nursery when they are in the bath! Might you find a special time with your dss before bed to have a chat (only needs to be a few mins) about their day? Just a thought.)

Thanks for your posts!

I'm hoping that soon they will be able to walk home from school together (without dh) and meet me. My work (also a school so no chance of flexible hours) is on their way home: that way I would get all the news "fresh". But I don't know when they will be ready for this.

Might it be that the "talking off" of their day as an immediate thing is a pattern that has developed because you've always been right there, right then? So that it could be possible to develop a different pattern?

I have hardly ever been there to pick mine up (always take them in the morning, though, so am not too left out) and the times I have managed to I really loved being part of their fizzy decompressing. But I think we make up for it, admittedly slightly more formally, and needing a wee bit of encouragement, by making time for "school news" in the evening.

(This is very funny, as I've just read Ellbell's post and it's almost word for word.)

Yes, it bothers me so much that I just turned down a full time job so I could pick DS up from school . DH works very long hours so he couldn't do it either so I would have had to employ someone to do it for me - very common in this country (Brazil)to have a nanny/maid/housekeeper but not for me. He will only 'need' me for such a short time, there's plenty of time later to think about working full time. I do appreciate though that I am very lucky to have the choice not to work.

You may well be right about the routine thing Bink. Maybe I need to make more of an effort. When I get home I'm usually ready to flop on the sofa and chat to dh if he's not dashing off. So I encourage the boys to go off and do their own thing at that point.

I can sympathise roisin. One of the reasons I made the choice to return to work p/time, meaning we are living on a shoe string, was so I could pick ds up from school. To me its a really important part of the day, knowing whats going on, getting to know the other parents, making sure I've read the notes in book bag etc. and sharing the good (and bad)bits of his day.

The thing is because dh picks them up they don't miss out in any way, it's just me!

Maybe in the summer term when the weather's not so grim I'll ask for them to wait for me on the corner at least a couple of days a week, and at least get 5 mins walk home with them.

Having said that I did have a lovely chat with ds1 this evening, which cheered me up.

I have never picked up my two from school more than once a week, as that's the most flexibility I can arrange with a full time job, although I did pick them up from nursery for quite a while at it finished so much later. I quite like doing it, but it is an incredible hassle and I am often late, which makes me very guilty. I find that the children are more likely to talk about their day during the bedtime cuddly wind down, but it may be that that is because that's when we have always done it (and they know it is a good way to postpone bedtime!). Re the other parent's thing, as everyone rushes off I don't find it makes much difference, but now playdates are being offered it is a bit more difficult.

dh picks ds up from nursery and then I can see them in the living room, but I'm teaching and so can only pop my head around the door and say hello between pupils.

It used to really bother me, but then I realised that ds was just tired, dirty and talked out after a long afternoon at nursery and was much more pleasant to be with once he'd been fed and had a bath.

It's awful ,my work and not being able to drive means I cant take or pick dd up ftom school. I have just finished work but still cant get there as its too far away but funnily enough I dont feel as guilty about it as i did when I was working. In my head I know with a few favours I could get there, when I was working I just couldnt. I felt I was missing everything and lacked any control of the situation. You are right by the time you get home, school is old news. I also feel constantly excluded from what is going on and often vital information isnt passed on to me. I can only sympathise and commiserate

Hi, I've always had to work so rarely have the opportunity to pick up from school. I still get to talk to both dds about their day we just do it later. I think its habit. Yours/their habit is to talk about it on the way home. On the rare occassion I do get to pick up dd1 from school any attempt to talk to her about school is met with tight lips. Instead she tends to come out with it whilst I cook dinner or give her bath. I still get to talk about school at least 4 days out of 5.