Need some thoughts on this one please!

[timeticking]

Hi there,

I have a decision to make very quickly and am not sure which direction to go in. I know this probably doesn't belong here but I wanted to post here as I know you will all be in a position to give me an objective opinion - which is what I need.

I have four wonderful children - two girls and two boys - 7 and under. The youngest is 1 and a half. I have been very blessed and appreciate what I have every single day - even though it is busy and often crazy - I love it though. I am now 40 (soon 41) and so I just presumed our little one would be our last. But now he is taking his first steps and is turning into a toddler, I feel really sad. I know this is normal and will get over it but I keep thinking that we would time to have one more child - I know time is ticking. My consultant recently in a routine appointment said it should all be fine but obviously not to leave it too long. I feel it is important to have good quality time for our four wonderful children and so it might be best to leave things - but they all have expressed a wish for one more sibling. My dh goes back and forth on whether it would be a nice idea - practically he says it wouldn't be a good idea but then he starts talking about the little clothes and how sad it is there will not be another.

My other main predicament though is that before we had the children I was working my way up to being a Headteacher. I have recently graduated in a school management Masters degree but have not been in a school since my eldest was born. I have always dreamt of being a Headteacher and being able to help a school succeed and I know that if I had another child that would make it virtually impossible to establish a career as a Head, given my age. Even now I know it is going to be hard getting there as I am quite old and have been out of the field for a long while.

So, I have a really important decision to make in the next few months. And then my decision will be over for ever as I will be too old. I am totally torn and find myself dreaming about being pregnant on a frequent basis.

Sorry to ramble - I just wanted to ask what people would do in my situation. One more child or resume a career and try and get to headship. I guess no-one can really help me as no-one knows the whole situation, but some opinions would be so much appreciated. Many thanks.

Very personal decision. For me, my children always come before any job/career but I realise that financially most families don't get the choice. I'd rather be broke and be able to be around for my kids than have tons of dosh but be late home in the evenings, not able to go to their concerts/sports days or worse still come home at a decent hour to see the kids but bring a load of work home with me. Work is work, home is home and never the twain will meet.

As a HT your workload will be huge requiring late nights. No knocking off at 3.30pm. No contest in my book but like you say, only you know the whole story and all the other factors you would need to consider

Incidentally I was a teacher for a very short spell (half a term) when ds3 started secondary school. Handed in my notice a few weeks into term the morning after I had put him to bed and he had said "Mum I feel like you're just not here for me anymore" I was lesson planning/target setting every night. Don't want any child of mine growing up thinking I wasn't there for them. Might go back one day but not till they have left home.

There is no right and wrong answer, only you can make the decision for your family.

I got very bored with SAHMdom a year or 2 after birth of DC4. I am pretty stuck with it, which is annoying as F&-*.
The fact that you've got a consultant suggests at least some pregnancies/births not straightforward.
Getting a career, especially when you have a vision what you want to do, will make your own life more satisfying & help ensure financial security for you & your children.
And at your age there are higher risks in pregnancy & childbirth than there were even 2 years ago.

So pretty straightforward decision in my mind; you have many lovely children that you find manageable, don't assume it could always be that way. You have lots of options, pursue them. Don't tie yourself down to just one future.

Thank you - two very different opinions which both make sense. Have taken both on board and will remember your words of wisdom. Ragged - ouch! But your words are quite right in many ways - but I do love staying at home. I would like to get a balance of both but yes, that will be very hard, even with four beautiful children.

Eatyourveg - you all say many wise things - I would never trade any of my children for a career. Oh well, will think about things and am sure I will remember some of your thoughts. Many thanks for taking the time to post. Ragged - you don't seem to be very happy staying at home - is there no way around this? Good luck!

part time job?