Am considering moving 2 children back into state school ?

[Heswall]

I moved my three children to private school for two reasons, first the eldest was being bullied and the school were in complete denial and basically blamed her saying she had mental health issues. The second was her maths was absolutely awful and they expected me to get her a tutor or deal with it, they were not going to put in any additional effort at all. That child has now gone on to state senior school and is doing brilliantly - level 5H in maths in year 7, everyone is pleased with her.
Now the jist is literally 2 months after three of them started private school my husband was made redundant. For 2.5 years we have struggled and got ourselves into debt to pay these fees. The private school knows we are on the bones of our arses but when the fees were one day late in January we got 7 phone calls chasing us and told not to bring the children in until the fees were up to date.
This was simply a cash flow issue, a cheque was clearing, they knew this.

So I've had enough. The school they came from is around the corner, this will save £40 a week in petrol alone.
Whilst I will no doubt be feeling embarrassed I doubt the children will mind at all, they've made some friends at the private school and we'll keep in touch with them.
It's the maths that worries me, how do I keep the good work up and in other areas they've come on leaps and bounds, reading, handwriting I am terrified of all the good work going to waste, how do I maintain the standards ?
Has anyone had any experience in the same situation, please tell me it worked out ?

What you save in petrol alone will pay for a couple of hours private tuition. I would move them as soon as possible. The private school the children are at currently does not seem to be very understanding about a cheque needing a few days to clear, I would worry about the schools own finances if I were you.

I'm assuming that the old school still has places? You wouldn't want to end up with no school at all!
Do what feels best for you, if it's really killing you then you have no option. It seems like either way you'll have to swallow your embarrassment about going back on a decision.
If you could just about keep going paying one lot of fees do you not have only a year and a bit left of the middle one before they join their older sibling at state senior school?
If you have to move all that good work won't have be undone, it will just mean that they are in a better position than they would have been before.

How 'academic' is their current private school? Doi you have a feel for the 'level' your children are on in various subjects compared to their state school peers?

The thing is, I have taught primary age children who have moved from private schools into state schools. All of the parents have taken it for granted that their children were 'at least a year ahead' of their state school peers.

One of the children was genuinely bright and had been well taught and so was well up with the top group in the state school class (She had not been allowed to progress further in her private school as they only did 'whole class' teaching. The differentiation available in a state school and the ability for a high ability child to work with a high ability group and fly was one of the things her parents moved for.)

Another, said by her private school to be 'doing well', and certainly not lacking in outward confidence as to her own abilities, went straight into my SEN group and onto the SEN register as she was 1-2 years behind in core subjects (wlthough she had some grounding in other subjects like Latin which obviously my pupils had no exposure to).

The others have fitted in in the 'middle ground' of each class. Certainly there would have been no need for tutoring to 'keep up with their previous levels' as they were absolutely average for their age and continued to make good age-expected progress in their new state schools.

If you do think that they are 'above their peers' in e.g. Maths or if you feel that they have needed very high amounts of input in the private school to keep up with the age-expected level in that subject, then there IS a possibility that tutoring might help to maintain that progress.

personally, i would hunt for a better state school first, before considering tutoring, but that obviously depends on the others available locally and the amount of support that you think they will need - could you talk to their current teachers to get a view on this?

If you can't afford it, you can't afford it.

I wouldn't remortgage or get into extra debt for a private school. state school will be fine. If you are really worried about maths, a maths tutor will be a lot cheaper than private school. And there are so many advantages of state school ime and imo.

I have (and have had) children at both state and private school btw.

Hi there, feeling for you - been there, got the t-shirt. We put our two in private and were just about able to afford the fees. But it was a case of dropping the luxury holidays etc. And we were regretting the decision we had made as we were aware costs would only rise. Fortunately, our son hated his pre-prep school and so we decided to move them back into state. My son absolutely loved this new school and said it was the best thing we had ever done. We were a little unsure though as he was far ahead of his peers. But after a chat with his teacher he was getting extra individual attention - we just had to push that little bit more. We also enrolled him for Kumon which he is doing brilliantly at. I do not regret one bit leaving the private system - he still has nightmares about the school he was at and says they never let him play. So, not all private schools are going to be right for the child. We are now abroad and having to pay privately again for a few more months, but when we return we will be realistic and go for an outstanding school. Having said that, if money was not an issue, we would go for another private school but would research them a lot more this time and make sure it was a good fit. But if money is not over-flowing I do not think it is worth the stress and worry when balancing the overall difference between an outstanding state school and a private school. Yes, I do agree that private children are pushed more academically (generalisation) but it is all comparative. And money worries with stress on relationships/families should not be under-estimated. Good luck : ))

By the way, I would seriously consider looking at an alternative school rather than going back to the old one - steps into the past have never worked for me : ) You obviously left for a good reason - is there not another school which would be a fresh start and one you might be really happy with?

Hi, thanks for the reassurance, would you believe my luck, ha bloody ha, on the school run I got hit from behind and have hurt my neck and shoulder which may give me enough compensation to pay the last years fees for DC2 and I could then move DC3 to another outstanding school, not the original one and start a fresh. Doesn't the lord move in mysterious ways at times

OK take a deep breath and contact your LA and the DSS, then contact EGAS www.direct.gov.uk/en/Dl1/Directories/DG_10011032

You MAY get help with fees from the benefit agency or a charity through EGAS, it is rare, but private fees can be funded by one or all of the above - give it a try. You will need to prove it would cause harm to your children if they are forced to move school - as DC1 was bullied you have a case for DC1, the younger ones it might be more difficult.

I have to be blunt and say that if you're counting on injury compensation to fund school fees, you need to re-examine the whole thing. I am a little worried that your first thought, post collision was 'Hooray! Compensation!' rather than 'oh god, this is a problem I don't need and may affect my ability to work in the long term' etc etc.

Getting that compo can be a long, drawn out and psychologically damaging process. You'll need to 'go on being injured' during all of the process- and you may feel obligated to go on 'being' that injured person because you need the money at the end.

I am not for a second advocating you don't 'claim compo', I am just suggesting the process might not be the money making scheme the tabloids make it out to be.

I hope your injuries aren't too bad and that you can get back to work soon, anyway! How long have you been signed off for, (as it were! ) though know it's not called 'signing off' any more.

Get them out of private, you clearly cannot afford it.

Spend the petrol money you are saving on a tutor.

ds1 (year 5) started seeing a tutor yesterday. She made him sit a test to see what level he is at, and will take it from there.

Heswall, you will only get compensation for actual financial losses suffered, ie loss of earnings. So only for ACTUAL provable loss. It is a myth that you can get cash compensation for "distress". You will NOT make a profit from this. Plus it could take months or even years to get the compensation so cannot be relied on to pay the fees.

You are in financial crisis so you MUST move your DCs to state. NO private school on earth could ever be worth plunging yourself into the financial strife you are currently in. If you have definitely exhausted all avenues for bursary help, you must stop digging yourself further into a mess.

State schools are not the worst thing that can happen to a DC, honestly! How do you think the stress of this financial mess is affecting the whole family?

Personally I would have a look at the alternative state schools available as you were not entirely happy with the last state school your DCs were at. A fresh start would be good. If, however, the previous school is the only one available, it's no biggie - you will probably find that the problems that seemed to loom so large before are not such a big deal when compared with the relief of having this massive financial burden lifted.

I spent the best part of last night in A&E, I am not claiming for distress I am claiming for injuries caused my some woman crashiing into the back of my car hurting me as a result of her carelessness.
And if that will allow me to buy 12 months of stability for DC2 then it's not worse suggestion, certainly better than some ie remortgage when only one person is working on a relatively low income for example.
Thanks for all the advice, much appreciated.

If I were you I would definitely move them but to a different school.

I would not put myself and my children through all the financial stress. I have been a child of a financially distressed family, and it still haunts me now.

There is huge movement between private schools and state schools where I live locally and everyone who has moved to and from say that the differences are not unsormountable. Please bear in mind that you could always move them back to private again once you have stabilised your financial situation. You might not need to/want to anyway! Good luck and I hope your neck/shoulder gets better soon.

oh you poor love, you sound really stressed. My parents struggled awfully to keep in in private school, and I wish they hadn't. I think I would have been fine at the local comp with more relaxed parents. The nadir was when my dad told me once he'd contemplated faking an accident so that we could claim his life insurance for fees. The stress makes people think really irrationally.

Daft as it might sound there was never any intention of them carrying on to the senior schools, you couldn't ask for better state provision at 11+
It's the moving around that's worrying me more than anything else, i know they'll be fine but it;s hard not to feel sorry for them.

My son is a bit younger (yr 5) but he uses my maths and different programs on the internet to boost his maths and I occasional buy him workbooks etc. We play maths type games to get his mental maths quicker too.

I wouldn't rely on compensation either. My Mum was in a really bad accident that left her off work for 12 months and has permenantly disabled her and she only got loss of earnings

online maths resources:
Bbc bitesize.
Mathletics

My son loves them both.

If you make sure you move them to a school that is in catchment for the secondary that they will be going to, whether it's your old school or a different one, then they can make friends that will go with them to secondary and it won't feel so much like two changes one after the other.

Mine moved from state to private primary, then on to state secondary, and it's the making new friends which is stressful, but they both managed it fine and after a settling in period have found their niche and a nice group of friends. They will adapt much more quickly than you do.

I had a car accident and claimed against the other driver - if you are relying on compensation it really doesn't come through very quickly. I think at least a year. Longer if you want to claim for long term effects. I also wouldn't do school fees if I needed to rely on compensation to fund them.

sorry you had an accident though and hope you aren't too sore today.

I think you need to release yourself from the tryanny of school fees actually - it is stress you don't need, and really honestly, state schools aren't that bad!

Having done school fees myself for many years (and still paying them for one of my children), I really don't think it is worth paying for unless you can comfortably afford, and even then I would think twice.

I got hit in my car, when pregnant and hurt my shoulder and neck etc (as did my dd) it took a year for me to get some money and 18 months for her. I got just over 2k which included money for new car seat and expenses and dd got 2k which is held in trust for her. If you think an accident is going to help you then you are sorely mistaken and terribly opportunist! - how can you know if you will actually have any injuries that last more than a couple of days?

I wouldn't see a move back to state as a disaster. There are lots of resources available for free to help a child with maths.

I was moved from private to state when I was 8. My brothers stayed in private as they had full scholarships at a boys' school. We all got straight As, and places on highly competitive courses. I send mine to state as I feel they benefit from being with a non selected group of children. Our state school sends many children to Oxbridge and Russell Group every year, whereas our local private school is dodgy academically, although fantastic for sport.

Heswall, if you don't mind me asking are you based on The Wirral, your name would suggest a place here (I'm in Wallasey) and I have 2 friends who have their children in the local red and black private school - they too have had very rude phone calls when their fees have not been accounted for - one of whom pays annually (grandparents pay it straight to the school) and the other had paid a cheque which the school had then lost! I would say, if you are where I think you are, that the local schools here offer great support if you get the right one, I also know a few great tutors and will try to hunt out their names/numbers if my assumptions are correct ... If not then Ignore me ha ha