Secondary school start in new area with no friends: mistake?

[EmilyBingo]

We are thinking of moving to an new area and there is school, St Johns, which is a pre-prep, prep and senior school. We would be looking for son to start in senior school with no friends - would that be a big mistake?

So he's 11 or thereabouts? I think most kids are pretty adaptable at that age - I moved countries and coped. The New Kid is always quite cool - I don't think you need worry too much about established friendships preventing him from integrating.

What sort of a boy is he? Does he struggle to make new friends generally - how confident is he?

Depends on the school and your child. My kids are on their 3rd school and they're only 10 and 13, because we have moved so much - and about to move them again. If it's a fairly small or private school that helps. Find out if they have had new starters at different year groups or from overseas and how they help them settle - a good school will have a policy and/or a buddy system. If your son is a normal sociable teenager he'll be fine pretty quickly. He may not like the idea at all to start with though - be prepared for some strong resistance. Good luck!

He turns 9 in April. He is a very sociable and adaptable boy but we moved area (to be near a grammar school) when he was 7yrs old and the new area and state primary school has not helped him at all. (Thank fully he has sport outside school). We will move area again and I am nervous about his confidence by moving into secondary school if all other classmates have known each other for years, again.

We are going private because feel that will help more - or will it?

If he is interested in (and, preferably, fairly good at!) sport then he will be fine. Sporty boys tend to bond together and Private schools tend to be more sporty than State (sweeping generalisation).

We moved my non sporty not very confident 13 yr old DS from a tiny boarding prep to a massive comp a couple of years ago. I drove him there on the first day and he literally froze to the spot in the car park leaving me walking across the car park talking to my self; he must have a the mad mother! When I picked him up in the evening he was grinning within two days he settled and has never happier. The school warned us it might be difficult starting two years after the others; established friend etc. it wasn't.
We were positive went in with the ethos this is going to work and it did. The school also put him in a form with other children of similar temperament and provided him with a buddy for a couple of weeks but it was unnecessary his new class mates helped him straight away.

Happygardening, what a great story

I also know nonsporty boys who have found new friends and confidence when moving to secondary school.

Emily, you say he is sociable and sporty - what are the problems at his current school?

I fail to see how sending your son to a private school that has a pre-prep and prep attached will help him settle. A state senior school will have lots of feeder primaries and most children will be separated from established friendships groups. Or is there another reason why you think private would be better?

And, what a load of bollocks about private school children being sportier.

ds1 and ds3 both started secondary school not knowing a soul. Didn't seem to be an issue as they both went in at standard entry points (Y7 in our case) so school do lots of team building/bonding stuff. Neither are outgoing socially but neither have had any problems

I didn't say private school children are sportier. I said that private schools tend to be sportier.