DS1 got scratched in the face today

[NotQuiteCockney]

That's it, really. I got a call from school at about 2:30, to say, he'd been scratched in the face, and was ok. They are going to talk to the other child's parents.

DS1 is 4, so I knew I'd find out who it was. I immediately had a suspicion of who it was, a little boy I'll call Bob. I was right.

In the playground, I was chatting with another mum, whose child had a rather alarming looking eye injury, which the mum told me happened at school - on Tuesday. Later, DS1 tells me, yup, that kid got scratched by Bob, too.

Now, I know the school will talk to his parents, but he's had behaviour issues for a while, at least bad enough ones that DS1 mentions him as the "bad" kid in their class.

I'm suggesting to DS1 that he leave Bob alone for a while, given his behaviour this week. I've said I'm sure Bob will stop doing this soon (I'm not really sure, Bob's been at school since September.).

Are lots of four-year-olds like this? What should I be telling DS1?

NQC, I picked up dd from school today (also 4) to be informed she had been bitten on the thumb by her best friend. I also don't know what to tell dd I don't what to come across as selective as to who is "suitable" for her to associate with but at the same time I don't want others hurting my little girl.

I guess I can at least be proud that he didn't fight back. He told me that, and I said it was very wise. He shouted for the teacher, he said.

Maybe it's just a hard time of year.

i once bit my best friend on the shoulder at lunchtime.
have no idea why.
we're still friends though, 20 years on!

This boy isn't DS1's friend. He really doesn't like him.

He does have a few friends who he fights with, but this boy really isn't in that category.

are the school going to keep an eye on bob from now on as well?

Its hard, ive had some incidents with DD at nursery having been bitten. Its quite common for children to go through periods of aggression at a young age as they learn to share, play etc etc.

My DD's nursery are usually quite quick to nip aggressive behaviour in the bud, have full discussions with the parents of the aggressive child and often set up a behaviour assessment up to monitor and try and get to the bottom of it.

I dont know if schools have a similar thing, but since they are all regulated by OFSTED i would think so.

What im trying to say is that im sure the school with be jumping on this quite hastily.

I would also say that IME 99.9% of the parents of the aggressive child are absolutely mortified that they child has behaved in such a manner and are as eager as anyone else to change things.

I would tell your DS to make other friends, but that Bob is learning how to deal with being cross and give examples of how your DS deals with it etc etc. I dont know what else to say on that point really.

I'm sure the parents are embarassed. I don't know them well, but they seem reasonable.

I didn't say anything about keeping an eye on Bob, to the head who rang me, as I didn't know who it was, and I knew I wasn't allowed to ask.

But now that I know, I may have a quiet word with her in the nursery about it all.

Funnily enough when I picked up dd I was informed as to who it was and she was still there so the teacher tried to instigate communication between the two children (I'm biting my tongue at being upset about it and seeing ds's bf's mother looking like she want's the earth to swallow her whole).

Does he have SN? DS1 goes through phases of pinching, luckily usually confined to adults, but children have gone home with scratches on their face. Everyone involved (well now he;s in special school, ms were bloody useless) works together to stop it, but it happens occasionally

I would tell ds that its not very nice, if it happens again to tell a teacher and that it will soon be all gone (thats similar to what I tell ds2).

He already did tell a teacher. I told him it was the right thing.

I don't think the child has special needs. At least, he talks. (I think? I might ask the head if there are any concerns there?) The school is independent, and takes kids with SN.

(What I mean by, "at least, he talks" is, I think of a lot of toddler/child violence is about not being able to express yourself any other way. I'm pretty sure Bob talks. I don't mean that kids with SN are all non-verbal.)

NQC, there is no reason why you shouldnt ask. They can only say that they cant say.

I would certainly approach the head again to ask him what action is taken when these situations arise (as opposed to asking what how he is going to deal with Bob - at least he wont think you are gunning for Bob), how the school works to remedy it, what happens if plan A doesnt work etc etc.

I know they can't say who did it, so I never ask.

But the head knows that DS1 will tell me who did it. And I get on reasonably well with her.

ds1's pinching isn't anything to do with not being able to express himself. The teacher won't tell you if he has SN (unless she just hints or something, not that it makes any difference really). I think you should mention to the teacher that your ds was scratched (or did your son mention it?- if so ask to have a word with her if it happens again). If the teachers don't know its going on they can't do anything about it, so they need to know.

Oh, jimjams, my son's teacher is also head of nursery, and she knows, she called me. They do know what's going on.

I did ask if there were SN involved, she said no, it's just one of those things. (I didn't know they weren't supposed to say. That makes sense, though. But it's an independent school, so it goes by its own rules, anyway, I expect.)

The head did tell me that, as far as the teacher who saw it could tell, it was completely unprovoked. "Bob" just walked up to DS1 and scratched him. Of course, there could have been some sort of conflict earlier.

DS1 seems fine about the whole thing, anyway.

oh well I guess just hope its a one off. Sounds like strange behaviour for a 4 year old- go in if it happens again (and just ralised of course they knew what had happened you said they'd phoned- durr).

I think DS1 will have the sense to avoid him now. He didn't like this boy before.

I do feel very sorry for the boy who was scratched on Tuesday. He is apparently "best mates" with Bob. And he got scratched on the eye. There was a red mark on his eyeball. Gah.