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Education

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Original poster

Pushy, hot-house - WHY??

48 replies

Creole · 12/01/2006 13:14

What is it with us parents?

Why are we so judgemental of other people?s parenting? It seems us parents are the greatest critique of parenting.

What?s wrong with wanting the best for your child?

Why the label "pushy" or "hot housing", if a parent is trying their utmost to give their child a decent education, or fighting for their educational right.

I so wished my own parents took as much interest as some of you on here, who just want the very best for your kids.

I really don?t understand it!

OP posts:

Meanoldmummy · 12/01/2006 20:32

Was he gifted himself, do you think?

Blandmum · 12/01/2006 20:33

If he did coach her into it, he is one hell of a teacher, that's for sure. Gifted at that, if nothing else. He must also be quite a compitent matamatician

Meanoldmummy · 12/01/2006 20:38

Perhaps the coaching and the giftedness are linked in some odd way - very driven, obsessive people often are gifted too... sounds like a more complicated dynamic than just a hot-housed child and an ambitious father.

Blandmum · 12/01/2006 20:43

She used to cycle round Oxford with him on a tandem. Hardly average behaviour for a teen ager!

When I was that age I didn't mant to be seen in public with my parents, let alone be on a tandem with them

edam · 12/01/2006 20:44

All her dad's attempts to push her were actually pointless, if she was always destined to be so bright she makes Mensa look like a bunch of dullards.

Blandmum · 12/01/2006 20:51

I don't see how you can push anyone to that degree. She got two degrees, in three years , both firsts at the age of IIRC 16.

There had to be a lot of ability there. He might have moved things on there, but I don't think you can push to that level.

Rather like Mozart's father only produced 1 Mozart.....even though his sister was a nifty musician, she wasn't the prodigy conposer her brother was.

singersgirl · 12/01/2006 20:59

Yes, I don't think either of the Singers boys, brightish though they undoubtedly are , would have been any more likely to be prodigious mathematicians if I had coached them from infancy. Mind you, they might have known their number bonds earlier.

Some people would definitely see me as a mad, pushy mum, particularly as I taught DS2 to read when he was 3 - but then 3 and 4 year old readers are not that unusual in my family, so it didn't seem so strange. And DS2 was very keen - DS1, at the same age, wasn't, so I didn't try to teach him.

Some children just are interested in academic things at very young ages - a friend's very bright little boy was reading before 3. He was helped, but not pushed. DS1 shows no sign of being interested in anything academic at any age....

snailspace · 12/01/2006 21:46

Message withdrawn

nooka · 12/01/2006 22:03

I watched an interesting programme on very bright/hot housed children. Interestingly as adults none of them were exceptional, which begs the question was it really worth it for them? I would absolutely agree that some people are very gifted, and that some of those gifts come very early (such as mathematical skills which can decline with age) but I do also think that there are some parents that do push their children too hard for very little long term gain and the risk of missing out on big chunks of their childhood.

As for the parental judgement thing, well it's that aspect of wanting the best for your child - we all have rather different opinions on that don't we? For some that's academic success, for others a wide social experience, for others sporting excellence etc etc. And for some, with children that struggle, having other people go on about their child's success highlights upsetting disparities.

So there are some very legitimate reasons why it can be difficult to discuss these issues. On the other hand as a society we often don't value success (in any field) enough, and it is sad when people feel that they will be teased or scorned for being themselves. But children who struggle also have a very difficult time.

getbakainyourjimjams · 12/01/2006 22:30

Oh god I wish I could find the interview with RL's sister. She basically said that it was training and that almost anyone could become that good at maths. She explained her fathers techniques. Apparently he had a few years with her, and she was shaping up to be like a RL, but then her mother stepped in and said no and the marriage ended. She didn't sound jealous of RL, and she came across with being relieved that she hadn't ended up like RL. I thought it was interesting.

Think about the Williams sisters father- hasn't he been busy turning their brother into a mathemetician (having suceeded with the tennis). Locally we have an excellent diving pool. They now send people out into schools to measure 7 year olds, those who are the right build for diving are encouraged to train and they hope to produce future GB athletes. I think to those who are useless at maths it seems like you have to be very naturally able, when in fact if you start in infancy you may well be able to encourage genius. RL father supposedly did maths all day with her from the time she was a babe - and I don't mean sat her down with equations I mean taught her the concepts so she developed with a mathematical understanding of the world.

Her father was a weirdo though-what he did went way beyond encouragement or anything that could really be considered acting in the child's interests. I think she paid a high price for her ability (and sorry when she was in her early 20's she was alienated from her peer group (age wise) in a big way).

Aloha · 12/01/2006 22:33

RL's dad was obviously a big beardie loon! You only have to look at him to see that.
She was lucky to escape. She lives in Israel now with a husband and kids I think.

motherinferior · 12/01/2006 22:36

God he was weird, that bloke. Utterly mad and bizarre.

Meanoldmummy · 12/01/2006 22:53

Have you got something against beards Aloha?

Aloha · 12/01/2006 22:59

well, not yours obviously

Meanoldmummy · 12/01/2006 23:06

Good,

Because I have no intention of shaving just to satisfy your fickle proclivities!

Why should I evict a whole family of innocent badgers just because you like a naked chin?

Some people are so selfish!!!

Aloha · 12/01/2006 23:08

Honest, it really suits you. I'm not just saying that.

Meanoldmummy · 12/01/2006 23:09

You never stroke my face any more. I'm sick of your beardist attitude. Sick, I tell you.

Meanoldmummy · 12/01/2006 23:10

You never stroke my face any more. I'm sick of your beardist attitude. Sick, I tell you.

Meanoldmummy · 12/01/2006 23:10

Not that sick!!! I think I must have the shakes again....better crack open another bottle

Hallgerda · 13/01/2006 08:38

Aloha's threatening the badgers, is she? Where's Enid?

Meanoldmummy · 13/01/2006 13:34

Why, has Enid got a thing for badgers?

Hallgerda · 13/01/2006 14:02

Following the recent announcement of culling plans, she posted on the "In the News" thread about her plans to camp out in support of the ones living in her garden.

Meanoldmummy · 13/01/2006 14:06

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