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Original poster

First day back and I'm so annoyed on ds' behalf [sad]

32 replies

LIZS · 09/01/2006 11:06

Kids are back to school today and the newsletter from last term clearly states that those older children with infant aged siblings can arrive later than normal, at 8.40, to stagger the drop off times. ds is Year 3 and normally arrives at 8.15 for 8.20 Registration. Anyway, we have a relatively relaxed start to the day today and arrive at school in time for him to drop off his stuff in the cloakroom and get to his classroom by 8.40. We arrive at the classroom (in a spearate building) where his teacher has what looks like most of the class sitting in a circle in the corner. ds goes in and I walk off only for me to look back through the side window to see him looking panic stricken and rush for the door. I return to look for him by which time he is sobbing and shaking and not knowing what to do. Apparently the register had already been returned and he'd been sent to the Main Office to register, the procedure if he had normally been late. But he wasn't late, we'd simply followed the instructions and surely if children are allowed to arrive at 8.40, the register should n't be returned until after then, regardless of whether most of the children have already shown up. Fortunately the teacher of the adjacent class (Head of Year 3) came out and I could leave him with her to calm down and sort it out as by this time dd was due in class.

I'm sure this sounds really trivial but it is a most unfortunate way for ds, who is quite sensitive and only in his 2nd term there, to go back to school and I suspect he felt confused, humiliated and will now be very tense about the whole day.

OP posts:
BudaBabe · 09/01/2006 11:17

I would bring the newsletter and wave it under teacher's nose at pick-up time!
In a nice way of course!!

codthemod · 09/01/2006 11:18

i think you are over anlysing this a lot

a dn i do love you liz but oh come one!

vickiyumyum · 09/01/2006 11:20

agree with budababe and take the letter into school at pick up time and say that you were annoyed with teh attiude this morning and perhaps if this was the new procedure that the register shouldn't go back to the office until later, as lateness is permently kept on record.

codthemod · 09/01/2006 11:21

they will think you ahev gone mad.

BudaBabe · 09/01/2006 11:25

Why Cod? It's just makng a point that Liz's DS wasn't late and was made to feel upset. There was a lack of communication somewhere but he shouldn't have been treated like that.

codthemod · 09/01/2006 11:25

oh coem on it s harldy life and death is it.

(still lovin ya lizs)

vickiyumyum · 09/01/2006 11:26

still agree with you budababe. i would say something, not make a big issue but def say something. your ds was upset, for no fault of his own.

edam · 09/01/2006 11:31

Sounds like a mix-up if ds has been an 8.15 arrival previously. But agree it's not fair to upset him. A quiet word with teacher should sort the misunderstanding out, I'd have thought.

Original poster
LIZS · 09/01/2006 11:32

I don't really want to make a big deal out of it tbh, just hope they have resolved his upset and that he knows it wasn't his fault. It is a minor gripe in itself but one that may have consequences for ds' confidence, that is what really annoys me. However nicely he was told (before he'd even had a chance to set his folder down) he reacted badly and his own teacher didn't realise. He is a child for whom routine and preparation in advance is everything. Will check with his teacher at pick up, if she appears, to make sure he was ok.

tbh I suspect it is a case of the school saying one thing but as the majority of parents don't delay their drop off, the teachers go with their normal routine - but noone bothers to tell those of us who have just joined the school, aargh.

OP posts:
batters · 09/01/2006 11:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
LIZS · 09/01/2006 11:38

Thing is it is only done like this for the first day of term, normally he'd be there by 8.15 and I'll wait for 1/2 hour with dd before she starts. The whole staggering exercise seems a bit pointless tbh!

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Original poster
LIZS · 09/01/2006 11:39

oh and love you too cod , mwaah!!

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spruceylucy5 · 09/01/2006 11:46

My dds school is always making cock ups like this. The administration is pants. Do say something about the letter. My dd was not put on the school bus and found wandering the corridors because of a cock up on the admin front. She is only 5! So your problem might not seem like much but it can be far more serious.

PrincessPeaHead · 09/01/2006 11:54

Wait....

They make you wait half an hour before your dd starts? are you not allowed to drop off younger siblings at the same time as older ones? Mad mad mad mad.....

THAT'S what I'd be talking to the head about, not the register mix up!

PeachyClair · 09/01/2006 12:12

Was he actually told off, or just sent to the office? If it's the latter I'd just explain to him it's not an issue, if the former then I'd do the newsletter waving bit. But I'd ask questions first- not rushing in - as you say, it might just be he's a bit sensitive and this is actually normal: they might have to get the figures in for school dinners, or attendance checks or whatever.

Original poster
LIZS · 09/01/2006 12:19

PPH, ds starts 8.15 and dd's class (Reception) about 8.45. I could put her into the Pre-School care room from 8.15 but as we have the same issue at the end of the day (she finishes 3.15, ds 3.45) I already use After School Care to cover that. Pre school care covers a wider age range than after school and they have tv going which I don't like before school and dd doesn't want to go ! It is a long enough day for a 4yr old anyway so normally we just sit and read and I'll do her hair before school. From year one the timing discrepancy will be shorter, for that year at least.

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Original poster
LIZS · 09/01/2006 12:25

PeachyClair , tbh I don't know as he ws so upset he wasn't making much sense. I suspect he was simply asked to go and register in the office, and for most kids it would not be a big deal, but he may well have interpreted that as being told off because that is what children who are late normally have to do. I'm sure he overreacted but it is never nice to see your child upset. Perhaps he also felt more stressed about going back to school than he let on and this just triggered it.

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Caligula · 09/01/2006 12:26

I'd say something. It may not be life and death, but it's typical crap admin and it's a PITA.

Last term whoever sends out info to parents forgot that my DS is now in Y2 not Y1, so sent me all the Y1 stuff. Meaning I registered for a whole load of stuff (music, football) etc. he's not eligible to go on and missed the deadline dates (because I hadn't received the paperwork) for all the courses aimed at his year which he would have been eligible to go on.

So while everyone else in his class this year gets to do kindermusic, recorder, football etc., he doesn't.

I just don't understand why school's admin is allowed to be worse than any other organisation's. Possibly because most of us take the view that it's not life and death, so they don't have any motivation to change it. (I didn't bother saying anything either, but now I regret it because DS is missing out on all this stuff thanks to their f*k ups.)

PeachyClair · 09/01/2006 12:31

In that case, i'd have a chat with teacher and just mention he's a bit sensitive (nothing wrong with that, he'll make a great partner for somebody! ), but beyong the natural upset you're feeling I wouldn't worry too much (says me- search archives and you'll see I am a prolific poster of panicking threads!!). Can you just have achat with him about what bothers him? I remember thata s a very shy child, I hated the 'honour' of leaving class to carry messages etc, as it menat talking to people I didn't know and being in an unfamiliar situation. Could it be something like that? Because if so, the quicker the pair of you can work out coping strategies rhe better. I'm still very much like that, not a great way to be.

bubblerock · 09/01/2006 12:31

It is horrible to see them so upset especially at school where It's so important for them to want to go.

Original poster
LIZS · 09/01/2006 12:34

Peachy yes I think it is very like that , and tbh I'm like that too ! The main school building is a bit of a warren and he doesn't really know the admin people.

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PeachyClair · 09/01/2006 12:37

Get the teacher involved in some confidence building then? Maybe a few stories (The Owl Who Was Afraid Of The Dark) about dealing with fears? Perhaps the Teacher can get him to do things like that with a friend until he's happier, too. TBH I think it's well worth tackling this now, far better at this age than 18.

Kittypickle · 09/01/2006 12:38

Oh dear, not a good start to the day My DD is pretty similar to your DS I think Lizs, I know they share the same problem with motor skills etc and I think something like that would really upset her as well. I think if I were in your situation I wouldn't say anything to the school but I would make sure your DS was well aware that it wasn't his fault that it happened and come up with some kind of strategy that he could use in a similar situation in the future as I've found that very helpful with DD. If anything like that happened again though I would say something to the school.

Original poster
LIZS · 09/01/2006 12:50

Thanks for the sympathetic messages and comments.

Kittypickle, you are right about ds' motor skill issues etc and the planning ahead does also fit in with that. Will definitely have a chat to him later and try to get to the bottom of his reaction. Let's hope his day has got better - at least he's not got rugby (his big hate of the moment) today !

OP posts:
codthemod · 09/01/2006 12:51

lizs sorry if iw as coddish but i dont htink its too much to worry about
m,aybe i am wrong

( very rare natch)