talking about death

[devonshiredumpling]

help please talking to my son about how my grandad has died and he asked why did he die and will he wake up soon . i want to talk to him in a non frightening way but not to pull the wool over his eyes please help my son is almost five

I talked to my daughter (who is just five) about it using the 'Goodbye Mog' book. It's about Mog the cat who is old and her body gets tired and she dies. There are a lot of books about bereavement for kids though. The important thing is to be clear that being dead is NOT like being asleep (because that scares kids because they know THEY sleep and then they question whether they will die).

I'm sorry you lost your grandad.

I work with children and have to tell them bad news. The Mog example is good the idea that your grandfather was very old and his body was tired broken and or ill and thus was unable to carry on working anymore. He wont be coming back so your son wont see him again. I am an atheist and believe death is the end but that doesn't mean that I don't believe that the dead are now at peace. I see death as a release for many from suffering you can say this or if you believe in life after death explain that is what has happened to your grandfather and that he is now at peace although at this age the concept of life after death may be difficult to grasp at this age. Most importantly it is OK and in fact good to cry and miss someone we do this because we loved them and the fact that we loved them would have made them very happy my father is enormously moved by my DS's love for him in a way that no one else moves him. Let him see you and others cry too so he understands that its ok . One relative once said to me the only person who seemed to even remotely understand what he was going through was the student nurse who cried when she brought me a cup of tea. Don't make concepts too complicated and don't be ambiguous children are often more accepting than adults although this doesn't mean they don't grieve. Children will frequently ask the same questions over and over again this is normal stick to the same words etc.
I too am sorry for your loss the loss of my grand mother many years ago was a terrible blow for me.

thanks for that it will help greatly you guys are a great sending you a great big glass of down the line

This leaflet may help....once you get past the first page:
www.bereavementadvice.org/uploads/DOC493E84D9E7709.pdf

have a look at the Winston's Wish charity they have some fabulous resources for kids re. bereavement. You might want to get him a memory box (or use a shoe box!) and put in it things that will remind him of your grandfather, photos, mementos etc. so that you can look at them together and talk about him.