have been given the total heebiejeebies by a friend....can you all calm me down please

[Heathcliffscathy]

so, as bleeding heart liberals that we are, dh and i, having both been public school educated decided long ago that that wasn't what we wanted for any sprogs we had....we wanted them to be happy as opposed to successful whatever those terms mean, wanted a nurturing environment rather than an academic hothouse and wanted a broad social mix of potential friends rather than for them to be surrounded by the overpriviledged. now that we have a ds (2yrs) we still feel the same...sort of, but increasingly uneasy about it all...

basically, we've got the choice of a pretty crappy local state primary that is huge, or a v v good key stage results c of e school that we have to go to church to get him into (dh is c of e lapsed and i am catholic, lapsed but v spiritual and want to give my son the benefit as i see it of being brought up in a religion that he can later choose to reject iyswim).

we always thought there was no way we would even consider paying for his education until secondary and even then really look at the options before going down this route.

i had a conversation with a friend last night and she thinks we're mad. she said that if we had any doubt about the local state schools we should get him down for the private primarys in the area (there are numerous options) and that this was the way round to do it as then he had a chance of getting into a good grammar for secondary rather than playing catch up massively by being crammed for a couple of years before common entrance at home.

argh. the other thing i'm mega worried about is that i didn't fit in, either at the state primary i went to (was 'too posh') nor at the v good girls public school i went to for secondary (deffo not rich enough for there).

i want ds to fit in. i want his abilities or lack of to be maximised or compensated for. i want him to be safe and happy. i'm starting to worry that the only way to ensure this in london is to send him to a paying school.

i know i'll get totally slated for this. i'm slating myself in a way. but tbh, i'm in a flap and need talking down i think....

anyone?

The only way to know what is right for your family has to be to arrange to visit all the options. If you know there's only one school you want, and it's competitive, work out a reserve scenario also: maybe put ds down on a waiting list just to be sure you'll have decent education when you need it.

Mine all go to state school, they started out at a crappy sink estate school and now attend an excellent C of E school that people move here for. I have seen the changes a decent education can make, don't take any risks.

peachyplum thanks. anyone else, there are two versions of this thread due to a glitch in my computer which means that sometimes things post twice....can anyone kind or interested enough to post do so on the other one as it's longer....ta!

Totally agree with peachyplumfairy - in your shoes I'd perhaps put his name down for private school anyway (no obligation but the option will be there if it comes to the crunch) and go and visit all the potential options armed with all the questions you can think of!

I totally understand the approach of putting a child in private primary as they have a better chance of getting into a good grammar in the first place, rather than state school at primary and paying at secondary but I've gone for the 2nd option because I'd rather avoid private education if at all possible (ds1 is only in reception atm but I'll pay at secondary if I feel I have to). However, the state primary he goes to is fantastic (in the recent league table it was 4th in the borough and the borough was 2nd in the country) so I didn't feel my gamble was that huge. I looked round the school and I had a good feel for it - ds1 is in his first term and he's very happy and flourishing.

Anyway, I ramble - that's what I would do in your circumstances - no harm in putting his name down for private now and then go round and research the realistic options thoroughly.