sexism ( again! )

[Tortington]

my 13 yo son has a bee in his bonnet about the school being sexist. today he came home and informed me that the french teacher split up the boys but tsome of the girls werw allowed to sit with their friends. now i presume thats becuase the boys are a pian in the arse if they are together - and the girls simply get on with it?

however its still wrong - it should be one enforced rule or nothing.

the other thing is uniforms. the girls dont have to wear a school tie, and he says that is sexist too. i would like him to be able to get further information from school in a way which means he will not be targeted. i want to harness this spark, this rebel against the school thing - as am quite impressed actually - but i dont want him to simply graffiti "we hate girls" or something on the wall - i want him to get an informed response without reprisals from the school.

do you think i could speak to the head and ask if DS could write to school outlining his complaints? i would suggest in a scenario where his teachers (as his superiors) are telling him thats the way it is - he will just nod and say yes.

but writing will be seen as the first step in a complaints proceedure wouldnt it ....i dunno

what do you think?

I don't know about the rest, and not having a tie for the girls seems odd. I do split kids up from their friends if they are persistant time wasters/ muck about. I do that to both boys and girls, but I must confess that it is more common for it to happen to boys and they tend to drift off topic easier than the girls. (generalisation I know, but in most of my classes it is the case)

Check with him that it wasn't a case of the teacher separating specific kids and that it was a blanket ban on the boys and not the girls (that would strike me as unfair).

Message withdrawn

he says there is supposed to be a seating plan - but the girls are allowed to move wherever they like ( hmmm?) but the boys are foced to stay put with the empty spaces inbetween - and not allowed to move next to each other. he says he told the teacher who replied "so?"

suggestions?

yeah it is trivial dadslib i agree. yeah i dont want him to be singled out - and i wouldnt personally complain about this matter. and i did say in my original post that i want him to get an informed response without reprisals.

i also think its important for him to action against the little injustices of him world - and learn a way of doing it.

frankly i was chuffed he knew what sexism was. and he is all up for addressing the situation

Agree with Dadslib that it is trivial, BUT if it matters to him and he is prepared to find out about it in a reasoned, non sulky, mature way then I would be behind him 100%. Boys should not wear ties if girls don't have to. Does he have a head of house rather than going straight to teh head, make sure they know that it is not a complaint, just a young man with a logical and questioning mind wanting a reasonable explantion to a reasonable enquiry. (cos its the rules is not a reasonable reply!!)

I would be proud of him too, custy!!

Oddest seating arangement I've heared of Custardo Ask the teacher if this is the case, or if the boys have been split up for good reasons. No offence meant to your son. I just know that kids of think that the teacher is picking on them when the teacher is just trying to sort out their behaviour. I've had kids shouting to me that 'You only ever pick on me miss' when this is obviously not the case. I've also seen kids blowing bubbles in the lab (breaking 2 school rules, no chewing gum in school grounds and no eating in the lab, health and Safety) who then deny everything. Ho hum!

so you think i should contact the head of house ( or whatever) and tell them that son has a couple of questions he will be coming to him/her with in the near future - and that hes not just being a pig he want a reasonable discussion?

then leave it up to son to make the approach but having informed the teacher in the background of the context in which to take the comments?

sorry mutliple posts...... errrrg

HMB ...... can i go straight to the french teacher at teh school....or get her on the phone?...... i mean i dont want her to get into trouble for organising a classroom in a way which works - and i dont want to come accross as over bearing.- she organises itin a way which obviously means that the children get things done - ( frankly i dont care if you lock each child in its own cage and cattle prod them to make sure they are listening ...if it works)

or shall i like the post below tell her son thinks its not fair and can she afford him 5 or 10 minutes to explain why.

I'd drop her a quick note. Keep it casual and friendly and ask her if it is the case, or if your Ds has been 'misreading' the subject. She can send you a note back, or put a note in your Ds's homework diary. Make the point that ds is a bit upset by this, and can they have a chat (10 mins would be stretching it a bit...I never have that long! ) Personally I'd be happy to deal with it like that if it was on on an open, friendly basis.

I've got a class that would be helped by the cage and cattle prod number, but sadly the perks of teaching have gone

I would imagine he could write a letter without it being "complaining". If he just outlines his concerns and asks if the head (or whoever) could explain then it will not come across as a criticism of the school. I'd suggest leaving the word "sexist" out and simply say that it "seems unfair" though

You could then include his letter with one of your own which outlines the situation and explains what you hope to achieve from his letter (learning how to voice "complaints" etc). Alternative ly you could hand overhis letter personally with a verbal explanation.

I'd probably leave out the suggestion of cages and cattle prods

dunno about this one custy
I teach languages and I pretty much see moving the kids/adults around as I want to as part and parcel of being the teacher and being the one in control(pairwork,group work,splitting up cheeky ones). I know I'd be a bit taken aback if I had to justify why some pupils have to sit in some places and others elsewhere. Often it's the boys I separate more than the girls simply because they get down to work better that way. I wouldn't like to feel that I had to stick to a rigid seating plan because then one of my 'arsenal' of class control 'weapons' would have disappeared. On the other hand, I'd far rather talk about it with the class/students than with the parents - I'd be a bit taken aback I think if a parent contacted me about it to be honest. Seems a really trivial complaint (sorry I mean I know it obviously isn't to your son but usually people want to complain about more 'academic' stuff)

About the school uniform part, my sister went down the road less travelled and managed to get trousers Okayed as girl as well as boy wear at her school but she was singled out as a troublemaker for this and other campaigns (all perfectly reasonable) and I think your son should at least be aware that this could happen. It's not fair, life is not fair, and my sis has come out of it a tougher, very assertive person but she really suffered at school becasue of her 'attitude'. Schools are often very defensive places and any challenge to their authority, even if it might not seem that way at all eg ties for boys not girls, can provoke a very sharp response.

of course your school might be much more enlightened than ours is/was.

Hmm, hard to say because it depends on the school, teacher and class so much.

If it feels to you like it is trivial, then maybe, as has been said, a quiet 5 minutes with the teacher will do the trick - she may well explain that it does seem to be mostly boys who create the difficulties in that group but that it is not your son and she is sorry if he feels implicated in her actions (this happened to my brother loads of times). As a teacher, I would much prefer to meet you than have you worry about it.

Alternatively, if your son clearly has genuine worries which extend beyond simply not liking a certain teacher or wearing a tie, how is the student democracy in the school - could he use the Student Council to raise the issue of sexism and see how widespread his concerns are?

Or, like Dadslib said, do you think it is hiding something else that your son is going through?

Oooh, it's a tricky one. Good luck with it!

Tell your ds to see the teacher at breaktime, alone, or with one friend, not supported by his entire football team The teacher was probably splitting up troublemakers rather than boys per se and may be willing to let your ds and another well-behaved boy sit together as a carrot to the rest of them. TBH as a languages teacher, most boys would rather be somewhere else than trying to embarass themselves speaking 'in foreign', especially in front of the girls. Same in maths apparently, but with the girls not making any effort. One of my last year 10 classes insisted that I was 'gingerist' because the three kids who got separated from their friends most often were all ginger. And boys. And really disruptive. But the disruptive part was usually ignored as they argued the toss...

Uniform is a minefield - the girls may have to wear skirts and tights - your ds may consider that a fair swap but unless the school is going over to sweatshirts he's probably stuck with it. The reason given at my last place was men have to wear ties in offices. His HoY/HoH should be able to be reasonable rather than kneejerk about it. Good idea to warn him/her that ds has a few questions though.

Good Luck to your ds though. I remember how burningly unfair things were at that age

Hm. Not sure what I'd say if it were my DS (he's in enough trouble most of the time as it is.)

The uniform thing is more unfair than the separation in lessons thing IMHO. What is the justification for it? What do the girls wear - presumably not a button-up shirt? - is it a "summer-blouse" thing with rever collar or a polo shirt?

its like a girly shirt with a girly collar!!!! does that make any sense?

can i thank you all for such a great response.

ive gone all squishy! i dont know what i will doooooo - am usually not squishy - but you teachers frighten the life out of me - your like my mum - you make me feel 13 years old and stupid!

after a conversation with son who was also squishy - we decided i would send a letter to head of year explaining that DS wasn't being subversive ( i wish!!) but wants someone to afford him some time in explaining the uniform and french seating plan issue!

phew - kinda glad i dont have to face a teacher!

Isn't there a school magazine? Could he write a brilliant polemic for it, in the stylee of his mum?