What do you do about a teacher you know is really negative (if anything)?

[Caligyulea]

DS has a lovely form teacher who is sensible and wise. He also has a silly woman just twice a week who I know is not sensible and wise, as I've heard stories about her from other parents and who is the one waiting at the door who literally never smiles or exchanges pleasantries with parents in the way all the normal teachers do. For the purposes of this post, I'll call her Mrs Grumpy.

It's beginning to affect his attitude to school. "I don't want to go today because it's Mrs Grumpy" "She's never pleased with me" "She's always angry with people" etc. When I say "but she must be pleased with you sometimes" he'll say "No she sometimes is pleased with my work, but not with me". Which is a little startling, because it's a direct inversion of the "criticise the behaviour not the child" principle - she appears to be doing the same with positive feedback! (Not sure that's recommended - is it?!)

Now I know what 6 year olds say have to be taken with a pinch of salt, and I know that everyone has off-days, and I know you have to make allowances for stressful job, etc. But I also know that this woman is a very difficult person (friend who is a school governor tells me how negative she is at meetings, how unwilling to co-operate with new ideas etc. and you can just tell by her defensive attitude whenever you approach her about anything).

Part of me resents the fact that her attitude is making my DS begin to dread school, and the other part thinks "It's only for another 7 months, just make soothing noises about her and put up with it".

What do you do to make your child feel positive about school when faced with going into such a negative atmosphere? I don't really want to complain about the old bat, she's obviously miserable enough as it is and I suspect that as much as schools say they want feedback, they find it tiresome to get negative feedback about teachers and I don't want to get put on the PITA parents list. But I don't want her to influence my DS to dislike school either. How would you deal with it?

make an official complaint and they may officially warn her there is no other way to deal with it

well you can't officially complain about someone's personality! unless she has said specific things which could be classified as insulting or inappropriate etc. However, I would ask the teacher herself ( request a meeting) whether or not your son has done anything wrong, explaining that his attitude to school has deteriorated since she seems to be so cross with him all the time. Put the ball in her court is my suggestion.

Hummm, not sure about antagonising Mrs Grumpy. Why not see sensible form teacher, ask her opinion of your son, then say that sometimes he's not keen on school and sometimes it seems to be when Mrs G is around. Obviously you've got to approach it carefully because the other teacher should stick up for Mrs G but she may be able to give you some advice/reassurance.

Education has changed dramatically with workforce remodelling etc and children will increasingly find that they don't have the same teacher every day as many have in the past. Teachers are like mothers and are all different and one reason for sending your ds to school is to learn to get on with all sorts of people, even if they are not your type. Your friend who is a governor has not been entirely professional in telling you of her percieved negativity. A teacher governor is there to represent the views of the staff which can often put them in a tricky position.

If what you are really saying is that she is not as chatty to the parents as the other teacher and that your son prefers the other teacher then that is no grounds for a complaint. You have a huge repsonsibility to ensure that any of your feelings about this teacher are not transmitted to your son.
What is essential is that you unpick with her why your son feels more unsettled on the days that she takes the class. Is it becuase she teaches subjects he doesn't favour or because she has a style of classroom management that he finds tricky? I would suggest that you choose a momnet to talk to her quietly, without your son if that is possible and explain that he is sometimes reluctant to come to school which worries you. Whilst he may never class her as a favourite and you will obviously then not be buying her any sort of christmas present, I am sure that she will want to establish a succesful relationship with your child.
As for the opening the door business, have you ever thought how daunting it is to open the door to 30 parents, many of whom are watching your every move? I agree that a smile for the parents is a desirable but form your opinions based on discussion with her, rather than leaked confidences and second hand judgements.

I was going to post a detailed answer until I read grumpalump's excellent post.

Just wanted to add that this teacher may indeed be grumpy but unless she's failing him academically then there isn't really grounds to make a complaint against her.

That said, I do understand your POV. Negativity is frustrating in any workplace but especially so in the classroom.

Grumpalump, I'm not thinking of making a complaint, I'm wondering what (if anything) to do about this woman's negativity.

Is a parent governor there to represent the views of the staff? I thought they were there to rep parents? Why is it unprofessional to share opinions with another very good friend with a child at that school?

Er, no, I haven't thought how "daunting" it is for a woman who has done a job for a number of years to do a basic part of that job. IMO social skills are not even a job issue - they're a life issue. So she hasn't got any. Fine, no problem, but don't ask me to have any sympathy with that. She's old enough to have acquired a few by now - some of the kids in her class have. And indeed, working with children and members of the public, she should have done.

I think she teaches the same stuff as the others (there are 3 teachers and a TA) so it's not the subject, it's her "classroom management" style - ie: "she's never pleased with me" "she's always angry". I would be hesitant about criticising someone on the basis of a classroom management style though - surely that's quite an individual thing, and different teachers have different styles? And also, I think unless you're in the classroom, you can't really make a judgement about that anyway.

BTW, I have formed my opionions on the basis of interaction with her as well as "leaked confidences" (not how I'd describe a description of an open, minuted meeting) and "second hand opinions". The couple of times I have discussed anything with her in a perfectly friendly and normal manner, her manner has been defensive and negative. First hand enough for you?

Caligula, if your friend is a parent governor it is perfectly reasonable for her to discuss things with you as she is there as your rep.

I agree that a smile isn't too mauch to ask and that in her job she shouldn't be daunted by 30 little people.

I have taught with teachers who even at this time of year couldn't bring themselves to raise a smile. It's not great but as long as he is being stimulated and enthused by the other members of staff, it won't have a long term detrimental effect.

Hmm. I sort of figure that. I figure that as she's only there twice a week, and not for full days each time, all the other people who teach him should outweigh her influence in terms of ensuring that he doesn't develop a negative attitude to school and so it's not worth upsetting any apple carts over.

But of course, ds being the way he is, he focusses so much more on the negative than the positive (maybe he's her soul-mate! ), so he spends a disproportionate amount of time worrying about her when in fact she's quite a small part of his school life. Another child would probably just shrug it off and not bother about it.