Visiting DS1's potential next school (long)

[NotQuiteCockney]

DS1 is down for a slightly selective independent primary, to start next September. He's currently at a non-selective local independent primary.

We visited the school yesterday, on an open day, to rethink our opinions about it (DH really really wanted him to go there, I am annoyed by the work of physically getting him there).

I really really loved it. I felt it was absolutely the right school for DS1 (and hopefully DS2), worth all the hassle and greater expense.

But I wonder whether some of the stuff we were told was standard, and how much it meant. Does everyone's school/headmaster say:

• they do not promise to get kids into the best academic secondaries, just into the right secondaries for them

• it sounded like homework in Reception, Y1 and Y2 was a bit of reading, no more. (this wasn't stated by the headmaster etc, just implied)

• the anti-bullying policy is set by the students, with teachers' help.

• children must be happy, relaxed and confident, in order to learn.

• they have a tutor system, so kids have a social network across the ages, which remains constant through their school years.

• they want to create children who ask awkward questions, of everyone.

• even at exam time, the kids keep on with music and art, because those matter.

• they use the local city resources available to them, constantly (can they really pop out to a nearby museum without forms etc? in primary?).

• we were all toured around, in small groups, by 7/8 year olds! Which was really sweet.

So, have I just been scammed? Or do these seem like genuine statements that will really be stuck to, realistic indicators of what the school is like?

My gut instinct is, this is a lovely school. I don't love his current school as much.

DD's fab, not especially selective at primary level independent school says similar. So far it has turned out to be true!

I think the gut instinct is the often the best though. We looked at several other schools and although all were more than adequate her current schol was so obviously the right place for her it was astounding. DD has really flourished sine she has been there.

Do you know any parent's who have sent their children to the school? It's always good to hear an informed, but independent view.

Most of it is pretty standard, I think, possibly apart from the bit about getting children to ask awkward questions.

Could you ask if it's possible to speak to a couple of current parents? Would be interesting to know if the bit about homework is actually true. My sister was told the same by several West London prep schools, but knew from existing parents that in fact the kids were getting tons of proper homework and it was all a bit much.

I guess you're talking about one of three schools -- is it one with uniforms or without? None of the three I'm thinking of are part of the full London pushy scene, though, so might be true. But in the end they have to get them into secondary schools, most of which have quite high entrance requirements.

Must CAT you since you won't be at the meetup, and I'm supposed to be looking at what I think is your ds1's current school next week! I'm CATable too, if you beat me to it...

Earlybird, we do know some parents, but not well. We also have a friend who is best friends with the head of pre-prep (and has been an independent school teacher herself ... she says it's a good school, too).

I will get in touch with the parents I know of, though, before we make a decision.

And marialuisa, I know what you mean. Their description of the sort of child they want is, outgoing, sociable, confident. This is DS1. Their "selection" procedure, which selects from a maximum of 50 (less really, as people move away, change their minds, etc) down to 21, is 10 children playing together in a room, all possible students, with six teachers. This is the sort of situation that DS1 is happy with, not stressed at all.

It does seem a bit weird, him living in an environment in which all the students are outgoing, confident and chatty ...

frogs, I have catted you.

ok, I've only got a 12mo ds so I've only got my own school experience to go on, but isn't there something ever so slightly odd about a school only admitting bubbly extroverts?

Won't some of the kids (not Cockneyboy, I'm sure ) end up regarding quieter kids as not quite up to the mark? Or just not knowing how to interact with people who have a different social manner?

I say this as someone who'd be pretty intimidated by that selection procedure now, let alone as a 5/6yo!

I think gut instinct is really important when choosing nurseries and schools for your children. And so far it has worked for me (well, 2 nurseroies). We have just done the schools thing and we visited a few before choosing the one that "felt" right for us and more importantly for DD.

What did DS think? Did the teachers talk to hima nd try to engage him at all?

CM, I do find that odd. He will be unable to cope with shy people.

It is a pretty old public school, pretty classically so. At least it's mixed gender, so he won't be a typical public school old boy, i guess ...

DS loved it. This may be biased by the fact that they have pictures of karate type activities in the brochure, and lots of music stuff. He wants to learn the guitar, or to be a DJ.

I thought he would mind leaving his current school, where he has loads of friends, but he's happy about moving.

The teachers were friendly, particularly the head of pre-prep. The headmaster seems to know every kids' name! He was quite friendly, too.

My gut instinct screams yes about this school. It was (and is) a lot less sure about his current one.

Think you have to go with it then.

We were completely swung over when visiting DD's primary school - she starts in Sept having just been offered a place following her interview recently. The teachers knew our names, they spoke to DD all the time (the state school did not talk to DD ) and they seemed interested in what we, and more importantly DD had too say.

NQC, this all sounds very familiar - and yes, our school has lived up to all of these expectations, and more. We also like stuff like ALL the support staff including cleaners and caretaker having access to the school staffroom and commanding the same level of respect from the children as the teaching and learning support staff...

Ds goes to the local library weekly without forms and they also rootle around in the local park for hapless minibeasts.

Y2 homework has become weekly spelling lists and simple maths. Done properly in 15 mins.

The non-selective, right-school-at-11 ethos was vital for us too. We didn't want to participate in a cut-throat race to see who bags the biggest scholarship etc.

Your new choice of school does sound great, I really hope ds1 will be happy there!

Oh, Marina, that would be great, about the support staff. Dunno if they do that. DS1's current school sucks at that. The teachers are all Miss Whatever, but the classroom assistants and caretakers are all Bob or Susan. Makes me want to tear my hear out!

Ooh, and there was no booze at the open day. DS1's school has booze at everything, including Pimms at the afternoon sports day.

NQC, your list of things are what I want to hear and didn't at dd's first school, but did at the school she moved to which has more than lived up to expectations. They don't do alcohol on open days either but do on the right occasions eg. mulled wine on Bonfire Night.

It's probably just my not-very-Englishness, but I'd rather not have booze at school events. I've not seen any negative effects from it, but I just don't think it's very sensible or necessary.

I started a thread on it here, and it became clear that British people don't share my opinion on this, by and large. Shocker.

I didn't have a list of what I wanted to hear from any school. To be fair to DS1's current school, our visit was mangled, they thought we hadn't confirmed, I thought we had. Since then I've worked out that the one area they really suck at is admin.

He had his selection visit today. I think it went very well.

He was part of a group of ten being assessed all at once. At least three of the kids hung back, crying, and wouldn't go off with the others. (I heard one of the dads saying later that he hadn't prepared his son for this ... which was a bit puzzling.)

DS1 went off very happily. The head of pre-prep greeted us with "He really likes books" when they came back down, which wasn't news to us.

I do think he got in. He does seem exactly like what they say they're looking for. He was in a good mood, and had a good time. He made a new friend. I think he was as good as he could have been, so if he doesn't get in, well, he doesn't belong there.

It's very odd to have him going through any sort of a selection process at the age of four, but at least it wasn't traumatic for him. (It was a bit different for us.)

Well done to your DS and fingers crossed. Sounds like he has done everything he could have, so all sounds very promising. How long before you find out?

DD has just had her selection interview (she got in - yeah!, at the tender age of 3, and I was definitely more enervoud and worried than she was. Mind you I think our ordeal of seating with the Head during it was much worse than what DD did!

Fingers crossed NQC - sounds pretty positive. dd had to go and join a class the term before she was due to start and we dreaded it but she was fine !

"I think he was as good as he could have been, so if he doesn't get in, well, he doesn't belong there." Totally agree, they either fit in or not, and an experienced teacher will know by instinct.

They have selection interviews today, and next Saturday, and they will tell us the next week. Hearing this was quite a shock, as our current school sucks at admin etc.

The conversation with the head of pre-prep seemed a bit ... well, I think she was trying to hint he was in. Saying "he really loves books" isn't exactly a negative thing. And she said she'd be seeing us. I could totally be wrong, but I hope not.

The selection process was actually pretty painless for him, and us too, really. Ten kids went off together with six adults to a classroom and played for half an hour. The grownups were sent to the cafeteria to drink tea, eat biscuits, and chat.

NQC - sounds as if it went well. I mean to post yesterday, but the description that you've written is very similar to the school that ds1 has just started at. Even with the selection morning (I happened to see one of the checklists they were usuing to "mark" the boys and it was for things like "can listen to a story", "Can take turns", "playground skills" etc. We had our acceptance letter on the Tuesday morning (though had to give a £500 deposit within a week.

Ds1 started in Sept and is exceedingly happy there.

A £500 deposit doesn't sound outrageous, but then there's a central London school whose selection criteria is "the first 25 kids whose parents can pay a term's fee in an October meeting, for the next September". That meeting has to be a fun place to be. It's a school that feeds lots of kids into the best local secondaries ...

Was your son up for a rising 5 admission, too?

NQC - it is if potentially you have to pay more than one (ie your second choice school offers before your first choice!).

Yes - he had his selection morning last January (when he was 3.9). So he's currently in reception.

If your ds is already at school is he already in a reception class?

£500 deposit sounds normal ime - half is sometimes offset against the first term's fees.

We have just paid a £200 fee to accept DD's place, although all of it does come off the first term's fees. Just found out that we can use nursery vouchers too until she reaches term she is 5 - so first two terms for us

Hula, is your dd going to SHS - the one with the kilts (unless they've changed the uniform since my time), based in Broomhill? That was my old school and can highly recommend it unless it's changed drastically.

Only problem is if you go private from the off, they can be a bit sheltered. But my friends who were there from age four have grown up into normal people.

I plan to keep DS1 involved in local activities, so he's not too sheltered.

He's in upper nursery at a local independent school - he's just over 4, but september-born, so starting reception in September, hopefully at his new school.