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Original poster

Overly Critical Nursery or Paranoid Mom??

23 replies

Panyanpickle77 · 14/11/2005 13:51

Hi, this is my first post, so excuse any faux pas!! My 3 year old daughter started he free nursery place in September, and from the first day has had problems. Apparently on her first day she was like a wild thing (very out of character) and the teacher speculated there may be a problem with her!!. I then went and helped settle her in over the following week and she seemed to be fine. when she was eventually allowed to stay for a whole session she seemed to settle ok, but the teacher would pass regular comments (generally infront of other parents) such as "she hasn't done a,,b,, c" or "She doesn't seem to understand No" etc. At home she has started to be very bossy, and had sucked herthumb so much in the first few weeks that it was very sore, and has started to say things like "You get out of my room" and generally copying the teacher. B4 half term she had a week off due to a bad cold, and has just had another week due to head cold and sore throat. The teacher passed a sniping remark about this today and I have arranged to go in and have a meeting with regards to this. ANy advice on what to do as I feel totally undermined.

p.s there are unusual circumstances that the nursery are aware of which may affect my daughters behaviour . . . new baby brother, new bedroom and daddy who has been ill (cancer)over the last 6 months, but they do not apper to be taking this into account

OP posts:
Twiglett · 14/11/2005 13:53

SOunds horrific.

Personally I think I'd withdraw DD and find an alternative nursery, is that an option for you?

It sounds like the teacher is mishandling the situation and is potentially underqualified for the role.

Twiglett · 14/11/2005 14:04

just to be clear

no teacher (nursery nurse?) should comment on children in public

'you get out of my room' does not sound like an appropriate thing for a child to pick up

speculating that there's a problem with a child new to the nursery and displaying unsettled behaviour is just totally bizarre as most children exhibit 'difficult' behaviour to begin with

the more I think of this the more furious I would be

aloha · 14/11/2005 14:08

I absolutely and totally agree with Twiglett. I don't think this is remotely the right place for your child. I would also complain to the manager/head teacher (not sure if this is a private nursery or not).
Awful.
I wish you well and wish your husband a full recovery.

Caligula · 14/11/2005 14:09

Totally agree with Twiglett.

I'd look around for a different nursery.

NotQuiteCockney · 14/11/2005 14:11

I'm boggled by this, too. I'm used to nursery staff being really discreet about these sorts of things. (Not to say that there is anything wrong.)

Original poster
Panyanpickle77 · 14/11/2005 14:18

Thanks for your response. One of the helpers passed the comment "ADHD if I've ever seen it" on my daughters second week. . . the helper had met her once for 2.5 hours!!! I think I'm going to remove her but I'm going to speak to the teacher first, if only to let her know how unproffesional she has been! My husband has been told he is in remission so thats one weight off our mind, but you'd expext a nursery teacher(part of a school) to have a little bit more compassion. I shall let you know how it goes

P.s does anyone else feel teachers are too quick to label kids. . . I think they should start by looking at themselves before writing off a £ year old with a great deal of confusion in her life

OP posts:
Twiglett · 14/11/2005 14:21

jeez ... and this 'helper', did she have much training in diagnosing sn? How dare she ?

I think you would notice if your child had ADHD.

fury and disgust icons required

sunnydelight · 14/11/2005 14:40

It sounds like you have enough to cope with without people who are supposed to be professionals causing you extra grief! I would remove your daughter and write to both the head of the school and the Chair of governors expressing your concerns. Personally I would also report the lack of professionalism to Ofstead - specifically someone who has met your daughter for 2.5 hours "diagnosing" her with ADHD. Good luck.

fullmoonfiend · 14/11/2005 15:08

How awful for you¬ Nothing new to add except to reiterate what others have said. Deffo overly critical nursery - not paranoid mum! Get that letter written (we'll help if you like ) and find a nice new nursery if poss.

starlover · 14/11/2005 15:17

ditto what the others have said... it's definitely not you!
Is it one of a chain of nurseries? If so I would write to their head office as well as ofsted

saadia · 14/11/2005 15:18

Very sorry to hear this has happened Mrsaek, staff sound not just unprofessional but also callous. I can't imagine they are providing the ideal setting for your dd to thrive so would agree with those who suggested finding a new nursery.

Good Luck, and do try and get your complaints about their attitude in when you go for the meeting.

bosscat · 14/11/2005 15:55

really doesn't sound like a good nursery to me. I have experienced two due to re-locating and looked at loads more. There were definately ones I looked at which I wouldn't have left my child in under any circumstances so you could have ended up with a terrible one. You need to go in and have it out with them but I have to say I would need some convincing to keep my child in a nursery which labelled him like that. I looked at one once and there was no natural light, it was on a main road, the staff were filling in job application forms under the table and in the living room there was a bar it has since been closed down thank god.

mandieb · 14/11/2005 17:04

Nursery sounds rubbish remove her if poss and fantastic news on your husband hope all goes ok for you in the future.

Willow2 · 14/11/2005 17:24

Get her out of there - no time to write in detail but this is not the sort of kind, caring atmosphere you should expect from a good nursery. Sounds more like a workhouse to me! Is it an independent nursery or part of a chain? Either way, I would write a very strongly worded letter to the manager/chief arse explaining exactly why you are removing your child. Might also be worth sending a copy to the LEA/Ofsted - what do the rest of you think?

fimac1 · 14/11/2005 17:54

Would definently move her - we moved my dd because the first one we placed her in had lots of problems that we were not happy with - found a truely lovely one through a recommendation - made us realise how awful her first one had been! A month after we moved her the first one was taken to court over a number of issues! We felt very lucky to have got her out when we did - would definetly make sure your issues with this nursery are logged somewhere - with Ofsted , for instance as this is what they need to have a true picture of the Nuseries standard - sounds awful for you and dd

Hope you manage to find a new one for her

ladymuck · 14/11/2005 17:56

Sorry you're definitely not being paranoid (I know it is difficult when it is you first encounter and all that). Ask around and see if you can get a recommendation for an alternative place?

Original poster
Panyanpickle77 · 14/11/2005 20:17

Thanks for all the support. I have been and spoken to the teacher, and before saying anything she apologised about her unproffesional behaviour.. . . .she obviously knew it wasnt appropriate. We have clarified a lot of the issues, and she has gauranteed there is not a problem with my girl (had she bothered to ask me i would happily have told her that in the first place!!!) The helper who passed the ADHD comment will not be part of the nursery again . . .apparently she told the teacher what she had said and there was somewhat of a arguement over it. The school is due to have an OFSTED visit very soon, so I will be contacting Ofsted with my views.Luckily my daughter doesn't seem perturbed by this experience so hopefully we can move on and find somewhere better for her to go!

OP posts:
Shimmers · 14/11/2005 21:46

Hi Mrsaek,

Good for you for meeting with the teacher. I would urge you to get a note book and note down the dates and incidences of any inappropriate comments or actions made by the teacher towards your child. That way, you have your own documented notes of how you have been dealt with. If you do ever need to go to OFSTED, they will ask you for examples of bad practice etc and you don't have to rack your brains out.

Re. your daughter, every child progresses at a diff. pace and any teacher worth her salt knows this. Comparing children in the class, especially publicly is a NO NO.

Take care and well done for confronting the teacher.

Twiglett · 15/11/2005 18:31

I am glad you have spoken to the teacher and received an apology.

I do think you should ask around about alternative places for your DD though .. as even though there may be improvements on the way it has just not been good enough to date from what you say.

Also I would be slightly wary that they are just trying to cover up potential issues in time for their ofsted and nothing will truly change.

although I am going on what you have posted and you will know far better what the situation truly is ... trust your gut reaction and never think you are a paranoid mother

dexter · 16/11/2005 11:49

can't resist adding to this although it looks like it's all been said - but be strong! Nursery when it comes down to it is for FUN! she doesn't have to go to school yet awhile and all she needs from nursery is socialisation and fun. If this isn't being provided go somewhere they can! Judging a child after a day or a week is outrageous!

homemama · 16/11/2005 13:38

When OFSTED do come, they'll hold a closed parents meeting where everything you say will be confidential. They'll also send you out a parents questionaire.

homemama · 16/11/2005 13:39

questionnaire

mumeeee · 17/11/2005 14:30

I agree with twiglet move her to another nusery if possible.I work in a nusery and we would not treat any of the children this way. we would not talk about a child in public, insteaad if we are concerned then we would have a quite word with the childs parents. As your child has not been at the nusery fir very long they should be gently encoraging her to settle in.

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