Personal Information at Parent/Teacher Meeting?

[Earlybird]

I'm due to meet dd's teacher later today, and have been thinking about asking the obvious "how is she settling" sorts of questions.

But, I'm also wondering when/if it is important/relevant to share personal family information so that the teacher is aware of any special/unusual circumstances? Specifically, I'm wondering if it would be appropriate to tell the teacher that dd comes from a single parent family with no father (conceived via annonymous donor).

There are no behavioural issues related to this, but would it be important for the teachers to be aware so that when dd declares "I don't have a daddy" (which she probably will at some point), that the teachers can react sensitively, or even help her negotiate the reaction of her classmates (if there is a reaction). DD is completely fine with this fact and doesn't question it at all, by the way, but I want her to continue to feel that ours is simply one of many different types of families. Might be relevant to say here, that it appears from looking at the class list, that I am the only single parent in dd's year so most of the children not only have dads, but have dads that live with them.

I'm not looking to burden the teacher with too much information, but also wonder if some prior knowledge of a child's personal circumstances is valuable. By the way, this meeting is at my request, and is not at a general parent/teacher conference evening so there won't be the normal rush-rush for time with lots of people waiting their turn.

I treat this information as private, but not a secret. I am happy to share it with people who I believe will react with sensitivity. I'm torn about whether or not it's relevant in a school context, but know at some point that it 's bound to come up as children start to be aware of their differences. What do you think?

I think it's a good idea to say exactly what you propose. It'll make clear to the teacher that it's not a taboo area, & then she will feel able to ask you how you would like eg other children's remarks dealt with - which is I think probably going to be where the teacher's concerns may be, rather than about your dd herself.

As ds1 started recption we were asked to provide information about the immediate family - parents, siblings, anyone else living with us, and anyone special in ds's life. We were also invited to share any information which could help the teacher (so whethre a second language was spoken, and if so where and how often).

I don't think that you woudl be "burdening" a teacher. You're not askign for any form of special treatment (in fact the opposite), but you are putting your child in context, which I wuld assume might be helpful if there was an issue further down the road (eg making cards for Father's Day).

FWIW I would probably leave it that you're a single parent family and dd has never met her father. For me this information isn't that private. I would probably leave the donor aspect out of it unless your dd is well-versed in this and likely to tell everyone anyway.

You know what? As an x teacher as much as I would have liked to know this info(teachers are as nosey as any of the rest of us) I don't think it would make any difference to the way I behaved to your dd and so therefore it isn't necessary to tell the school. I mean we don't expect to know how any of the rest of the children are conceived! Any half decent teacher will be only too well aware of the minefield that is the subject of families and nobody should be making any assumptions that every child has a biological mum and a dad living in a little nuclear group. I'd make the teacher aware that you are a single mum because your dd may well be starting to notice that most of her friends have a dad but why go further if you're not sure?

As a teacher, I would say there is no need to share that information unless you really want to. There is likely to be a few children in the class from one parent families which has arisen from all sorts of different circumstances and therefore the teacher with be sensitive to those needs anyway.
I do think it's important for parents to tell school about a decision to separate/divorce or a family bereavement as these types of things can impact on a childs emotions and behaviour. But in your circumstances and don't see the need.

I agree that the scholl doesn't need to know this sort of information. I would have thought that most, and hopefuly all, taechers would be sensitive to 'parent' issues.

It might be helpful for you to provide your dd with a 'substitute' to get cards etc when fathers day comes around, so that you dd can easily say 'I'm making a card for X on Fathers day'. That way she doesn't get left out or feel different.

A frind of mine was a widdow and her kids would make a card for Y when it was fathers day IYSWIM

I'd go with Ladymuck's suggestion of saying that you're a single parent family and your dd has never met her father. I don't think they need to know anthing else tbh.

... and also making it clear that your DD is full y aware and comfortable with the situation.

It sounds as if it's clear that your daughter doesn't have a father at home, so that will already have flagged up with them that they shouldn't assume she has a daddy somewhere (frankly I'd be amazed at a school assuming this anyway, these days).

(I suggested to a friend whose baby was conceived via donor insemination that she tell nosy relatives "It was just a physical thing" )

Thanks for your thoughtful and helpful responses. I did as you advised, and simply told the teacher that I am a single mum, and that dd's father has never been a part of our lives. She didn't blink or hesitate. We even talked about how to handle Father's Day issues - at her instigation.

Thanks again to all for being my virtual sounding board!

Glad it went well. I have to say that I think that single parent familes are just part of the norm these days, and I suspect that she was relieved that you didn't launch into a diatribe about how your ex doesn't give you any maintenance (as a friend of mine did when she had her dd's home visit!).

Just wanted to add (coming in late in this thread) that as as teacher it is important for me to know about each child's home environment. I would never share this info with other parents but at times of the year, like father's day, I would have to think about each child's situation. Some school's don't celebrate these days, others do. Also, if other children started saying inappropriate things, the teacher could talk about 'families' and encourage children to celebrate all types of family units and that in today's world, there are many different families. Glad your talk went well.