boarding prep to local comp

[Collegemum38]

Anyone moved DC from private prep school to local comp?

Something I am considering doing for a whole host of various reasons I wont bore you with.

I am more worried about my kids being seen as less cool and a "square" by the comp kids (and potential for being bullied) as having been in a boarding prep school they are not quite as streetwise and dont speak with the local accent - but they dont have a local accent for anywhere as we have moved house every 2 years.

Would love to know if anyone has done this - even from a day prep school. Thoughts and comments appreciated.

no experience but do they have any local friends who do go to the comp?

No - one of the many reasons I am considering the move.

In my sixth form we had a boy join the school (local comp) from a private school. His attitude didn't help him settle in - he thought he was better than us and was very quick to talk about his large house and expensive holidays. At 16 you don't realise that sort of boasting might be designed to cover up insecurities, of course. How would your DCs react?

Lots of children who go to state primaries are not streetwise and don't speak with strong local accents. I wouldn't worry unless they are the sort to boast about big house etc.

We live in military housing atm and will buy a small house if we decide to stay here. We are certainly not rich by any means. The CEA pays the bulk of the current fees.
I dont think that aspect of things will be an issue but know they will be seen as different as soon as its out of the bag they have
A) Come from a private school
and
B) Come from a boarding school.

You might want to post this also in "Forces Sweethearts", as he may also be different C) Forces background.

Does he usually make friends easily? How has he taken to any previous moves?

My DD is about to move from private day prep to local outstanding comp this September.

Decided to do this as local comp is so good (neighbours have their DDs there and parents love it) and got a really good feel that DD will thrive there. She is very good friends with neighbours DDs so should fit in very well.

We are not a rich family, finances were an issue as we decided we could not justify crippling our finances by paying fees any longer when there is such an outstanding state option just around the corner.

In our case DCs do move to this school from private regularly so DD will not stick out so much.

What kind of demographic does the intake for the comp have? If it is in an area where DCs regularly go private then the kids at the comp will probably have friends at private so will not be such a big deal.

As DD has not yet started at the school yet cannot share personal experience of the outcome but know several families who have taken this route and their DDs have settled in happily and have not felt singled out.

As your DCs have boarded because you are in the forces and you obviously have a fairly modest lifestyle I am sure that their previous school will not be an issue when they make the move.

Ok, my experience may not help to reassure you, but this is because of my circumstances and personality, rather than the transfer itself, but I did it.

My parents (father in forces) split up and I was duely transferred from boarding prep to state school. I still think of my boarding school time as the happiest in my education and the following school as the worst - educationally and in every other way. However, that's not because of the change per se.

The change wasn't helped by a modicum of attitude on my part but was more about moving from a great school where I felt that I was known and appreciated as me to a large, impersonal one. That isn't to do with the change between sectors, but the schools. The impact of my parents' split was also a big factor too and that isn't something the OP is having to worry about.

I guess what I'm saying is that the change itself can be tricky but that would be because of that prep school, that comp and the other circumstances of the child. Not much help but if you think the comp is offering what your child needs and you're there for them at home, he/she will be fine I'm sure.

They are at quite a prestigous prep school that has mostly boarding pupils. We chose it for its lovely ethos, pastoral care and routine and lifestyle for boarding kids because that was my main concern when looking for a boarding school 3 years ago. I didnt realise quite how "posh" and prestigous the school was back then. Alot of kids go onto Eton,Winchester, Harrow, Cheltenham Ladies, Marlborough etc.

Both DDs are very happy there and thriving. Eldest just absolutely adores the school and her friends. Youngest 10 is happy and doing fab but not in the same uber enthusiastic way her sister is. Both girls know they could leave at anytime if they wanted and neither want to BUT, eldest is about to go into year 8 (common entrance year) and in Sept 2012 will move onto her senior school into year 9 - as per the public school norm (not the norm for our comps here who have a main intake into year 7).

Our local comps differ. School A is in small local affluent town. Every man and his dog seems to want their kids to go there. We are in the catchment for it (just) and then school B is OK with a few issues, serving a less affluent community, but by no means awful. I have been told that school A has had pupils go there from private schools before with no issues, but having only lived in this locality for about a year, I dont know many people and dont know how true that actually is.

The one I want my kids to go to is School A. There is no guarantee both girls will get in although I am hoping as there is a military community here that there may be a space in year 9 for my eldest daughter, obviously we cannot apply yet. I could not even begin to move her before she completes her final year at her prep school as she has just been made head girl and is totally enthusiastic about next year when she will be involved in what her current school the "Leavers Programme". As all her friends are leaving at the end of next year and all going onto different schools the fact she will go to a new school will not be an issue for her. Starting in year 9 is not ideal but then both my girls are used to being the new kid as they had their fair share of schools before boarding.

Youngest would probably be a bit iffey about leaving at first but then I know she could happily be persuaded as there are clubs here she wants to do but cant as she is away at boarding school. She would have a better deal I think as she would go into year 7 with all the other new kids - assuming she got a place.

We do have a senior boarding school lined up for both girls but just lately I am just feeling like I want them home. I miss them terribly but aside that I feel they are missing out on loads socially. Since we were posted here 12 months ago they have not made 1 new friend. They come home at weekends and holidays and have no one to play with. That annoys and worries me. They are at an age now when just "making friends" at the park is a little awkward and embarrassing. I am so getting increasingly turned off with the private school one upmanship and snobbery. It just makes me cringe and feel sick. Most parents and kids are lovely but the snobby competetive attitude to which child is moving onto which senior school the past 18 months has just turned me off the whole thing. Also I find it odd that my girls are hanging out with kids who wear tweed and hunt for their lunch as opposed to wearing something tacky from NewLook 915 and dancing to Lady Gaga or JLS. The parents are lovely to speak to but I cannot help and wonder where the dads buy their mustard yellow cords and tweed Jackets and why they wear tweed breeches to watch Rounders/hockey matches.

I know alot of that I have written is really not all that important but I dont know why - I just feel negative about the whole thing yet I love the school. I love the quality high standard of education my girls get in fantastically equipped classrooms in small class sizes. I love that the staff know my girls and know them well, even about stuff nothing to do with the subject they they teach them. I love the care they get in my absence. I love the activities they get to do and most of all I love the way the school has helped both my girls develop into wonderful polite and confident young ladies but still let them be real proper kids, climbing trees, midnight feasts etc. There is so much I love about where they are its hard to explain why I feel so negative - perhaps I am just being selfish because I just want my girls home with me.

Anyway, IF we do decide to pull them out at the end of next year (July 2012) and get them into the local school of our choice we have decided once again we will buy a house and I will live locally with the kids, DH will have to go where ever he is posted. We have done this before and its bloody tough but feeling like the lesser of 2 evils atm.

Ooops apologies for going on a bit there.

Am just so confused as what is best to do. Am worried we are too far down the private route for the comp route now.

Oh and thank you everyone that has taken the time to reply. All your comments are being taken onboard.

Thank you Poppysocks for your input as well. I know exactly where you are coming from with the different school experience and how it may effect their attitudes/feelings etc - you put it better into words.

At the end of year six a handful of DC's peers went into the state system (two to grammar, two to comp) and their Mums report they have all settled well.

A think size and anonimity was a bit of a shock but at least their prep was fairly large (60 per year).

One Mum is very critical of the new school, but her DD seems happy enough.

Children are flexible, and I would imagine yours are particularly so.

Collegemum, I know what you mean about the competitive prep school attitude - it disturbs me too and is part of the reason we are not sorry to move DD.

We are of pretty modest means compared to a lot of DDs friends and she was starting to feel inadequate compared to them. Can't see that another 7 years of that will do her a lot of good. Also hate the attitude of having to have your DDs at the "right" school. I am sure it is more about the parent's sense of status than wanting the best for their DDs. After all, the child has to work to do well, getting into the latest top school will certainly not guarantee success!

Your local comp sounds a lot like the one DD will go to and I know quite a few parents personally who have taken this route and have been very happy. It seems to be a regular thing for this school as they stream in y7 by SATS results, but set a special test of their own for those who come in from private schools that do not do the SATS.

Also in this economic climate more and more parents are making this decision so your DDs are unlikely to be the only ones.

Also agree with wanting to get more involved with local activities. Seems a shame to be so disconnected with your own home.

I would be pretty confident that your DDs will settle well if you decide to go ahead.

Hi I moved my 13 year old from what is supposed to be one of the UK's top boarding preps to our local comp last September. I was fed up with the financial struggle and everyone locally raved about the comp: we had recently moved to a small exceedingly middle class market town and the comp was on our door step. My older DS is to say the least not streetwise he had spent 5 years full boarding and could bearly cross the road without getting run over. He is also eccentric or many would say really really eccentric. In the past when at a primary school he had been bullied or perhaps I should say not accepted by the other children because he is just different. He is an aquired taste and I had always believed became accepted and well liked by his classmates in the prep because they were with him so much that his undeniably finer features became more obvious. His prep school had the grand total of 120 children the comp 1200! The comp. also warned me that it would be harder for him to intergrate as he was joining 2 years later although they said they would do all they could to facilitate his joining
Most importantly we decided that before he went we would have to make it work. The school was fantastic they had him in for the day sussed out his personality and then carefully choose the right form for him; as far as I can see other day dreaming eccentrics. On the first day he was obviously terrified at one time he was actually rooted to the spot but within a day he settled, he was provided with a buddy for 1 week, an older child, but he very quickly didn't need his help he just seemed to find his way around and made friends. He's not been run over or lost his lunch money or failed to turn up for lessons or ever been bullied. I've just asked him what he thinks before posting this and he says he's never been happier. But what really bugs me is that on top of all of this he's never done better academically as well. Leaving me wondering if all that money I spent was worth it - (delete " wondering" substitute with knowing!).
He says the lessons are better; more interesting higher quality of teachers, the facilities are fantastic , and the food a million times better. Over the Easter holiday he stayed with his new school friends, visited them and met up with them half of whom were within easy walking distance of our home. Fantastic for him who wants there parents driving you around all the time.
With regard to accents some children do have a local accent and although I think we speak normally plenty of people think I sound like the Queen (and I've got corgis) and he speaks with the same accent as me but he says no one has ever commented on it. He does tell me that initially he never told the other children that he was at a boarding school he just said where he went to school which was 200 miles away. He didn't want to be seen as weird but now he tells people and they're just curious.
My advise to you and too many like me who are struggling to pay these vast prep school fees give the state sector a try you may be surprised by what you find.

Our son left a small private (day) prep last year to join a good local comp and even though he didn't know anyone there he's settled in fine. From what I can see the teaching is generally better than the prep but obviously there are more kids in a class so less individual attention, then again he's already been allocated 10 hours of (free) one-on-one English tuition to address the fact that his written work is not as good as it should be for his high reading age. His brother will join him in September.
He hasn't had any hassle coming from private but then I'm not sure anyone actually knows because he doesn't advertise it (although he is quite well-spoken).
I would think if your daughters explain that the boarding was not because you are super-rich but because it was paid for by DHs work that may go some way to diffusing the 'posh gils' issue.
Be aware though that every time things don't go 100% right you'll wonder if you did the right thing.. I know that's what I do!
I'm sure you will benefit by spending more time together too, they will be all grown up soon and you can't get that time back.

Went to a massive comp. I'm afraid we were a bit mean about children who came from private schools initially, assuming they were snobs etc. But two of the girls who came were very confident and won us round fairly quickly. This was when we were about 13 by the way so might be slightly different.

I think one or two came when we were 9 but had no problems at all socially.

Happygardening and Onemoremum, your stories make me feel much better about the decision we have made for DD.

Our situation is almost identical to yours, happygardening, and I am also wondering what we spent all that money on her prep school for! Though when we were looking at infant schools we could not get her into the nearest school as had miniscule catchment area and were well out of area for all others. Actually got no offer at all, so felt pushed into private at that stage.

From there we were just sucked into the private treadmill. Finances have forced a re-examination of what we really want from a school. We realised that actually we were paying a lot of money for DD to feel like a pauper!

Neighbours managed to get their DDs (different school years to my DD) into that infant school by hanging on in the waiting list until places came up and have never looked back. They got a great education for their DDs and paid nothing.

However, situation round here is very different for boys - the great comp DD is going to is girls only, the local boys comp is in special measures and a lot of parents of girls who go to the girls comp are forced to send their DSs private.

I hate to be put in the position of sending one state and one private, but it looks like that is the only way we can get a decent education for both.

Wow thanks for that feedback everyone. Its so glad to see there are people who have made this choice and very encouraging to see that those of you that have made the move report back so positively.

HappyGardening - thank you especially for posting and what you write about your son I can so relate to with my DDs especially my eldest. She is slightly eccentric but compared to me when I was her age is just so un streetwise. Boarding school has its plus points and has been a godsend to us the last few years but OMG - it is such a narrow bubble they live in, and thats one of my many bugbears about it. I am so glad your son has settled and is doing well.

Carrots - Thank you for your input too. Nice to see I am not the only one feeling rather "uuurrrgghh" about the prep school - senior school snobbery. Glad your move has been a good one too.

Lots to think about and discuss with DH but I feel a bit more positive about potentially making this move than I did before.

Thank you everyone who has taken the time to reply. Please keep experiences and comments coming.