Private primary to state secondary ?

[namechangertoday]

Has anyone made the transition and how did it go ?
My DD is nothing special at Maths and Science so private primary has probably just got her to the leave she ought to be at, but her English, Languages and History is brilliant and I really want to make sure I don't drop the ball when she moves. Not saying she will get lazy but that's always a worry with any child that they don't reach their full potential isn't it.
Any tips for keeping up the good work ?

I did! Many years ago though, so it's probably a bit different. However, if I had been going to get dd privately educated I would have done it that way around.

When I went up to secondary, I and the others from my prep school were streets ahead of the girls from the state primaries - educationally that is. The foundations of our education - 3Rs - were absolutely rock solid.

Socially and emotionally it was tough. Us preppies were way way behind and were mocked and bullied until we learnt to fit in. Our 'nice' accents were lost quickly unless you were only prepared to mix with the girls from the prep; some got very cliquey and arrogant. I started talking "like a navvy" (my mum's observation!) and by the second year most people didn't remember I'd been a preppy at all. I became a bit of a chameleon happier with the people I socialised with, but resuming old habits to 'fit in' with the wider family.

I do know how to behave 'properly' but I don't think I'm as arrogant or elitist as a lot of my cousins who were privately educated up to Uni; I think I have a better understanding of what ordinary life is like than a) my relatives, or b) Westminster politicos.

I didn't have the advantage of the old school network, so I have had an ordinary-person career and didn't marry a guy who could keep me in the style to which one might become accustomed and then giving up work for good, having babies and doing good works. Of course, not all my female cousins behave like that, it's a massive generalisation. The opportunities, though, seem to be greater for those who have been privately educated; my female cousins, without exception have had the most extraordinary opportunities work-wise (until they married, babies blah etc). Things I would never have dreamt of. I have one cousin - male - who was thick as shit, left his vvvvv expensive public school with no qualification whatsoever and is now head of PR for a merchant bank and has a fantastic lifestyle. He's an absolute charmer but would never have achieved what he has without the old-boy network.

Oh blimey i'm thinking of raiding the family silver again now.
I agree and had forgotten about that aspect, my first experience of private was a thick but nice boyfriend who's sister has never worked in a real job but has a wonderful life just because, I want that for my DD's if i'm honest.

In DD's year at her comp are 11 (at least) from local private schools.
At the rival comp are quite a few more.
For people who live in the crowded primary catchments, they go private and then into one of the good secondary comps.
Even more leave private to go to the 6th form colleges.

It depends A LOT on the individual schools.

NB I moved from Private in Sayth Ken to Private in Saaahhff Lunnun and got bullied loads.

Op your original point about concerns for your dds levels, a good school will always work to stretch your dd academically. At DSs state school, all children are assesed in the first few weeks and given individual targets for each subject. They are then monitored against those targets and we are given a report at the end of each term with all this information on it.

Also do remember that there will be many children from lots of different schools and backgrounds at her new school. All will need to find their feet and all will make lots of new friends. I hope she has a wonderful time

DS has done it this year. He left prep last summer for Grammar and is......loving it. He is doing really well and he is definately being stretched. Yes, he was ahead in a lot of subjects especially things like French and Science and he's not slipped back.

This is what concerns me, it wouldn't be a grammar we've left it too late for that :(

I had a similar experience to Jux I'm afraid, although it was a long time ago. I went from a private primary to a state secondary and found that it took me quite some time to fit in with the other more streetwise children. I loved my primary, but hated secondary school. I found the move to be really hard socially and accademically. I spent the first year not learning anything as I had done it all before in primary school.

I am doing the same, namechanger.

My DD is due to start at excellent local comp from prep this September.

She is top of her class at a very selective prep and very self motivated so I am confident she will keep up the hard work.

I know it is a brilliant school with very high standards as next door's DD goes there and is very bright. Her mum has very high standards! . it has a very high performing top stream with lots of very bright like minded girls.

We made the decision because paying fees was becoming a financial struggle, and we asked ourselves why we were putting ourselves through this when we had an excellent school available for free.

It is too easy to get caught up in the private school machine and believe that they are the only way to get a good education for your DCs. They are not.

Would not have done it if she had not got a place at this particular school, though.

The signs are good so far so fingers crossed for September!

OP
Come to Hampshire.
We have no Grammars.

Why is Mumsnet so obsessed with Grammars when there are only 164 of them in the county, of which only 97 are outside Kent, Lincolnshire and Buckinghamshire?

We did it with DD1 how is now 13 (yr9). It was difficult decision, as she had been in an excellent selective school on 7+, and would have automatically entered seniors.

Our reasons were mainly financial, bu partly made easier by her being unhappy there since mid yr5. Basically teachers were pushing her harder than she was ready for. She was always well within the standards for the school, but they expected that bit more which she either couldn't or wouldn't give.

She got into a reasonable comp. and there were about 10 or 11 from private schools, although she was the only one from a selective school.

She was well ahead (possibly as much as 2 years in some subjects) when she started, and up to now has got by with doing very little work. she has had extension and G&T work in some sujects, but in many she has been allowed to coast. Although she is still on higher than average grades for yr9 (except for English which is another story completely) and in top sets for everything setted, we worry now that as the work becomes more difficult getting towards GCSE, she will have forgotten how to learn.

Bullying was a bit of an issue in year 7, and her accent dropped to some extent. it also took her a while to get used to being taught alongside kids that did not want to learn, and hearing swearing in the playground that teachers largely ignored.

I will always have mixed feelings on the move though. Without a doubt the secondary education would have been better at the private school. She would have had the opportunity to do Latin/classics, no compulsory ICT GCSE and wouldn't have been forced to do BTEC sport on top of 10+ GCSEs. But I am not sure she could have took the pressure, and being an August born didn't help. She has recently become more aware that she is getting an inferior education to what could have been, and would like to go back to private for 6th form - but that renains to be seen.

On hindsight, it would probably have worked out better if we had not sent her to private primaries. Our two local primaries are excellent. But as she was in nursery of a prep school and we were not expecting to have any more children, it was easier to continue that route. DD2 (8) is in yr3 at our second choice of state primary and is flying.

My DD loves Latin :(
It's so hard isn't it especially when it's a financial decision why can't all schools be amazing experiences for the DC's :(

namechanger, finances do matter unfortunately, it is very unwise to put your family in a precarious financial position to fund private education.

The stress will permeate every aspect of your family life - i know, this has happened to us.

Your DCs will be much happier with less stressed parents and with family finances which mean that you can take holidays and have a few luxuries.

TBH the biggest determining factor of how successful a child is at school is parental support at home.

The fact that you are agonising about this decision shows that your DCs will have just the support they need to succeed.

Jux writes it right about the future life advantage, that huge divide in terms of future career and earnings.

However if you need to move her because of money (can't one of you get a second or third job?) then plenty of people from state schools do fine even if a good few get the Jux voice and accent of a navvy which will set them back for life.

It's not really money if i'm honest it's the whole what you do for one you need to do for the others and I'd always planned they would go to state primary and then private secondary but due to moving house at the wrong time 2 children would basically get put through from start to finish and the other 2 wouldn't.
The younger two would also miss out on things the older two have taken for granted but I suppose we all just do our best at the time eh ?
I do think very bright children will do well where ever they go but middle of the road children get a lot out of smaller classes, my children are already streets ahead of where I am in terms of general knowledge and even my specialised subject.

Xenia - do you think Mum having nervous breakdown due to second or third job will be good for her Dcs?

Girl next door does not sound even remotely like a navvy and neither do any of her friends. Not easy to pick up that sort of accent at a good state school in naice Surrey town.

I, on the other hand, have always had an accent straight from Last of the Summer Wine (god, that dates me ) and it has always been a positive asset.

namechanger - get off the hamster wheel now, honestly your DCs will do just fine with such supportive parents.

Sometimes work makes people happy and housework doesn't. I certainlyi agree children should be treated the same.

If that's how it is to be then that's fine. 50% of children at good universisities when to selective state secondaries/grammars and some even from comps

We are supportive but I'm just not sure that's enough.
Two have no self discipline and we're not very good at enforcing good behavior generally, I openly admit the school picks up my slack in many areas.
I'm just not sure I have it in me to turn out 4 fantastic children although I know it's in them if that makes any sense ?

That's a different issue, Xenia.

If the OP feels fulfilled by working long hours, that's great.

If she feels forced into doing it to pay school fees and feels tired and stressed as a result, that is bad for the whole family.

And there are only 24 hours in a day! Sometimes even working long hours does not earn enough to avoid school fees causing severe financial stress. I know, been there.

I just think that a good state education is prefersble to putting the whole family under intolerable stress just to pay school fees.

And i was one of those people who managed to go to a good university (Russell group) even though I "only" went to a comp. And there were plenty of others in my class who also did so - from a pretty average comp!

I do think there is a lot of unreasonable fear of state education. Lots of state educated people get to the top of all kinds of professions.

I agree that if you can manage the fees without any difficulty private education is nice, but it is not essential for a successful career.

It is certainly not worth condemning yourself to old age in the poor house in order to fund!