School are being a nightmare

[kezigy]

My son started high school in september and is now in the process of being diagnosed and statemented...apparently had high function autism/aspergers and adhd. At home and out of school he is generally fine. If he is stressed, big routine changes etc his behaviour deteriorates and he hides things and steals.
In school he hums and sings, loses concentration and drives his teachers mad. He finds it hard to organise and leaves a trail of pens, calculator etc (that I regularly replace). He is academically bright though.

I have been to several meetings at school about his behaviour but after things are agreed in these meetings they dont happen. School just forget or even decide not to. He is under the microscope now and every thing he does is noticed while kids doing similar go unpunished.

School ring me at work about things. I have asked they dont unless it is an emergency as I can not take calls in work. They called me as it was "a health and safety emergency,the sole of his shoe was coming away from the upper. could I collect him immediately" after refusing to get him as I was in work, they eventually suggested he could have it glued to get through the day!

Another time they rang saying he had been badly behaved and left school. A staff member had seen him leave. They had no idea where he was. I left work and at school was given no further information by a secretary who then shut the window to terminate the conversation. I was left in bits trying to work out what to do. About to ring the police, my son arrived with year head...turns out he had had a great afternoon with her, and not been out of school at all- never mind having been bad and run out!

On the other side although he has a get out of class pass, meaning he can leave a class if he feels the need, they refused several times to let him leave a classroom, causing him to soil himself! Not only did they not ring me to get him then, he was offered no clean/dry clothing and washed his pants and trousers as best he could and was left in wet faeces-smelling clothes until the end of school!

I am starting to think they are being really unfair to him, and to me (I have twice had to leave jobs because of the volume of calls I get from them being seen as "unprofessional". They arent doing the things agreed to support him, and punish him for doing the things they know he struggles with. They ring about petty things but dont ring when it would be obvious to.

Are they just making mistakes? Or am I being over sensitive that they could be trying to push him out/make life so difficult that I take him out? They talk down to me when I go in, misrepresent things I say ( I now take a witness to meetings) and seem very focussed on getting funding for him. Is it cynical that I am starting to think they have a vested interest in him appearing unmanagable as they can get money then?

Interesting that out side of school his behaviour is generally such that he attracts praise!

I am in the process of putting these things in writing to the school

kezigy i would definitely put it all in writing and send it off to the head and make and send copies to the LEA, your MP and GP.

i would also get a diary and list down events as they occur and produce this as evidence.

yanbu and i hope things work out for you and your ds x

I agree totally with Doormat and I also agree with your interpretation of the school's reasons for doing this.

Does your area have a Parent Partnership? They are employed by the Local Authoriity but are impartial and are there to help parents of children with Special Needs. Your son does not need to have a Statement to use the service. I have developed a good relationship with our PP and they were very supportive when I was in a similar situation to you with our Primary School.

Unfortunately, I eventually came to the conclusion that I was banging my head against a brick wall at the meetings. They talk the talk of inclusion, but you can't make them walk the walk, unless they really believe in it. And they ALL have to buy into it, otherwise it's worse for our kids, in a way, because they can't cope with being treated differently by different teachers.

In the end, I got sick of my son being used as a political pawn in their game and removed him from the school. It has taken me 4 months (and counting!) to find him a suitable alternative.

I hope you get something sorted out soon, and that your son finds a school where his differences are celebrated and enjoyed.

Thank you soo much for your comments. I have been keeping a diary of events. I hadnt thought of the LEA or GP or MP.
I am late to school today due to speaking with the senco at a local school who also thinks what I am saying seems wrong. She spoke to his senco last week and doesnt feel they told her anything severe about him! Im now waiting for the phone to ring with a view to going in for a visit.
Thank you sooo much. I have felt soo alone with this...and bullied quite frankly.
xx

What school is doing is totally unacceptable.

Ring Parent Partnership. They vary LEA to LEA but sometimes they are good.

Also post on the SN Children's board. You'll get lots more good advice there.

Where are you up to with the statementing process? Have school actually applied? Or are they just talking about applying?

If they haven't already applied, you need to apply yourself - today.

I would also look at all the other local schools. Most schools aren't this bad and you shouldn't put up with this.

You also should send a copy to the Chairman of the Governors. I have never heard something so awful. You could also send it to OFSTED. The schools seems appallingly run, with little overall control and a total breakdown in internal communication.

I hope something changes soon.

Nothing useful to add to the helpful posts above but wanted to add my sympathies and shock that a school can behave like this .
Is there any chance at all that you could find another school for him ?