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Original poster

Oh, I'm really cross with DS's teacher!

22 replies

CrazyHorse · 07/03/2011 17:07

DS is 7, and was asked to take part in an iner-schools swimming gala from 6-8 pm. I sent a not into school saying he will not be taking part, as it finishes too late.

DS literally goes white around 7pm and asks to go to bed. He then gets up quite early to be in before school club for 7.30am.

His teacher asked him today why he wasn't participating, as DS said it was because DH was working late (DH almost always works late atm ) His teacher told him he was letting the school down as there was no substitute. She also said last time the school came 2nd in the gala, and they needed him to ensure they won. Which TBH, sound like rubbish to me, because DS is a weak swimmer, and will struggle to complete 100m, let alone win a 100m race!

So I have parents meeting tonight, and apparently his teacher is going to speak to me about it. So do I give in, let him participate, wonder exactly when he will eat tea in between picking up from after school club, tennis (even if he doesn't do tennis that day, his sister will still want her lesson, and then straight on the the gala. Arriving home at 8.30 with an exhausted 7 and 5 year old and a 12 year old who will have had to do his home work while watching a swimming gala?

I'm unbelievably cross that DS has been told he is letting the school down.

OP posts:

SenoritaViva · 07/03/2011 17:13

I think if you had wanted him to do it you could make a plan with the eating, sandwiches or sausage rolls or something whilst sister is doing tennis lesson.

That aside, I think you should stick to your guns. And I agree that DS should not have been made to feel bad. It doesn't matter what your reasoning is, if you can't make it they can't make you (unless of course you are being negligent).

Eglu · 07/03/2011 17:15

I would stick to your guns and explain to the teacher exactly why he isn't doing it, and also let her know how unhappy you are that she is making him feel bad about it.

MmeLindt · 07/03/2011 17:19

I agree with you. My DD is almost 9yo and would struggle to cope with a swimming gala that late.

Stupid time of the day to arrange a swimming gala.

It is not fair of the teacher to tell him that he is letting the school down, when you have made the decision that he cannot attend.

Have a word with the teacher.

scurryfunge · 07/03/2011 17:24

It is a daft time for seven year olds.

Are you sure though this is an accurate account of the conversation and it id not your son actually wanting to participate?

MrsDanverclone · 07/03/2011 17:34

If you don't want your son to take part and it sounds as though it wouldn't be fun for him, if its going to be rushed and he's tired, then don't let him.
If your son is really keen to take part, that would be another matter.
I would be cross as well if the teacher was trying to guilt him into taking part.

My DD was asked to take part in an after school thing because she plays the flute ( not in school though, private lessons ) She didn't want to and the teacher really applied the pressure on her, told her God had given her that gift for her to share with other people and she was letting herself down. DD got quite upset, I was really cross and went into see the teacher and informed her that God didn't pay for the lessons and she wasn't taking part. Things were a bit tense between us for quite a while after that.

Original poster

CrazyHorse · 07/03/2011 19:48

Well, I went to parents evening, and the first thing she brought up was the note I'd written. It became obvious she wasn't going to take no for an answer regarding the gala, and after about 5 mins, I gave in, nodded and said "we'll see".
Apparently one of the races he's entered for is a relay race, which means two other boys from his school would miss out on that race.
His teacher thinks he won't get tired because it will be such an exciting event.
She didn't seem concerned that he was off target for maths and English, that was just brushed over.

OP posts:

cat64 · 07/03/2011 20:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LowRegNumber · 07/03/2011 20:21

You are allowing a teacher to bully you into allowing something you think is against your son's best interests. The teacher is being very unreasonable and treating your child terribly. No 7yo should have "letting the school and peers down" type pressure applied by a teacher.

I am honestly disgusted by this and I would be in with the head tomorrow morning to discuss my concerns! The fact that she thought parents evening was the best forum to discuss this rather than the academic situation just makes the whole thing worse!

Personally I would be telling the head "No Gala, the teachers behaviour has ensured this" and "if my son even hints that pressure has been applied or comments made then there will be complaints about bullying being sent to Ofsted"

(No mother-lion tendancies in me )

Hulababy · 07/03/2011 20:26

The fitting in food and other stuff isn's an issue tbh. If he and you anted him to go it would all slot in easy enough. I know as DD has her swimming gala around the same kind of times one night after school.

DD's school gala is for juniors, so Y3 (7y) to Y6 (11y). Pretty much all children take place, never really known of any not do it, but it is a big deal at the school along with all the other house events. All the girls actually want to take part and are really keen.

However, if you and DS don't want to take part then you have to just tell school straight that he cannot take part and will not be there on the nght. Better this than give in half heartedly and then not go anyway, a that is more of a problem.

The teacher was unreasonable to make your child feel bad about it. She should not have tried to put pressure on him as, as the note came from home, the decision lies with parents, not him anyway. The teacher should have spoken to you or your DH not your DS and that would make me feel a little cross I have to say.

RamonaFlowers · 07/03/2011 20:26

Hang on, have you actually had a chance to tell his teacher yet the real reason he's not going? Or is she still under the impression that it's because your DH is working late? If the latter, then she may be wanting to check whether there is any other arrangement that can be made. Fair enough maybe? I'm sure she'll shut up once you tell her it's because DS will flake out before it even gets started...

Hulababy · 07/03/2011 20:27

I am also confused as to the reason school think he isn't going, and why DH says it is because of his dad woking, rather than the real reason of him not cping with late nights.

TheVisitor · 07/03/2011 20:28

I'd be playing the "out of school activity, not enforceable" card.

RamonaFlowers · 07/03/2011 20:28

We are liberalising all the oomph out of life if we think 7 year old can't take a bit of pressure to pull together for the sake of the school team.

It's no great preparation for the big, wide, world if we pretend nothing matters. Just my opinion.

scurryfunge · 07/03/2011 20:37

Does your son want to do this?

Do you think he is showing enthusiasm with the teacher and she is genuinely curious as to why he cannot do it?

LowRegNumber · 07/03/2011 20:38

Ramona, it is not about pressure it is about choice, this child has had a parent decide no and therefore a teacher applying pressure is totally wrong and unfair on the child.

If the teacher wants to pressure anyone it should be the decision maker (the parent) not the child who has little or no control in this case.

As for liberalising, we are talking about veiled bullying here, if you want that for your kids then that is fine but most of us do not want our young children to be treated like this in school. It is one part of the "good old days" that I am very happy to see the back of.
As for "nothing matters" a swimming gala does not matter, lives do not depend on it, it is a bit of fun and a laugh. It is no preperation for the big wide world if we pretend everything matters either.

Caz10 · 07/03/2011 20:41

Does your son want to do it?

RamonaFlowers · 07/03/2011 20:54

Oh, I'm not an extremist in this respect LowReg, but I do find it a little frustrating when we all throw our hands up in horror at the very notion of a little pressure.

I know a swimming gala is not life or death, but within the world of the school, it's an important occasion presumably and I just don't personally think it's the worst thing in the world for the OP's DS's teacher to have applied a bit of pressure. We don't know the way she did it (it could have been very sweetly done - a bit jocular), and the DS in question hasn't come home distraught over it has he?

It's through thing like this that we teach our kids the importance of team playing, and to find their place in society. So I think your point about the swimming gala not mattering does not really get at what I'm talking about. It's practice for adult life, and good practice.

But, you know, take him, don't take him, I not that bothered

I think he was probably embarrassed that the reason he couldn't go was because he would be too tired, so he made up the thing about his dad.

GregorSamsa · 07/03/2011 21:08

Some people would be grateful that the school was taking the trouble to organise competitive sporting events outside school hours, and encouraging children who weren't necessarily outstanding performers to take part. It's great experience, great exercise, and a chance to stretch himself a bit.

It doesn't hurt kids to be nudged outside their comfort zone. Have you never, ever allowed your ds to stay up beyond 7pm for something that you wanted to do? Never? Have you never had that buzz that comes from pushing yourself a bit to do something you thought you couldn't do and then finding that you can do it after all?

Sheesh.

Original poster

CrazyHorse · 07/03/2011 21:41

Well, I will report back, after I've endured it.

DH has promised to come home early(er than usual) to look after DD as DS1, so that's one thing sorted.(At least we won't have to endure one of DD's over tired tantrums!)

One of my initial concerns was that DS's swimming is not particularly, and he will experience yet more failure.But he always takes it really well. Of course I didn't tell him his swimming isn't great, I just said "it's a bit late at night" when I handed him the note.
DS doesn't seem to mind if he does the gala or not, but then he's like that about most things. (I don't think he actually understands what's involved, as he's never been to one before.)

Of course I've let DS stay up late before, but I know from experience at around 7pm he goes white and says "I want to go to bed know please."

I was entered for a fair few swimming galas as a child, as I was a good swimmer. TBH, I don't think they did much to prepare me for adult life (except make me think it's not something my child needs to stay up late for.) Maybe I'm just lucky that he goes to a school which is always arranging sporty things for him to compete in, and I feel this is just one thing too much.

OP posts:

RamonaFlowers · 07/03/2011 22:17

Good luck Crazy. Hope the teacher is nice about it and I am not made a total fool of being too generous with my assessment of the situation.

And go on, admit it. You would never have got that OBE if it wasn't for what you learned at your school swim galas

Sportsmum · 08/03/2011 07:18

I would also make a point of telling the teacher that - given the fact you sent in the note - she should be talking to you and not telling him that he will be letting the school down. That type of behaviour from a teacher with a 7 year old is unacceptable.

GiddyPickle · 08/03/2011 10:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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