New friends at school

[Zesty]

My daughter (4) started primary school a month ago. 99% of the class knew each other from the nursery, so we were worried about how she would settle in. She seems fine, but has befriended another girl, who she knew vaguely before, and seems to play just with her. That in itself I guess is nothing to panic about yet, but this girl's behaviour is very undisciplined and rowdy and we're already seeing a change in our daughter's behaviour at home.

I had the girl around for tea and a play this week & found her a real handful - throws toys around, finds it difficult to concentrate and lied about some 'naughtiness' in a pretty sophisticated, manipulative way. My daughter, although not 100% joining in, is passive and lets it all happen & then copies the behaviour.

Am not sure how to tackle this! Even the class teacher commented what a handful they are together when I picked her up today and am just worried if somehow I don't nip it in the bud, it will become a bigger problem. Am also worried that she isn't making friends with anyone else.

Any comments or experiences would be appreciated.

Am also the first to recognise that they are only 4 and some naughtiness isn't a terrible thing!! Am not being a dictator, just worried.

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Sorry, no help my child is the naughtiest in the class! But we're working on it.

Is her mother aware of the problems at school?

My dd was one of the loudest, mayhem making, poor concentration, fiddling about children in nursery. She teamed up with the other scamps. The school soon noticed this and encouraged some separation in that they would be sat with (less disruptive?) children.
In reception they were split up due to age differences. DD then found an even more cheeky child to hang out with. This resulted in dd learning new words (generally muttered under breath in our house..) and bad habits. We have found the best tactic is to ignore this sort of thing or dismiss as silly behaviour that so and so indulges in. Now just started in year 1 they are still good friends; he is a nice little chap really but far more worldly wise in the things you wouldn't want them to be in. I don't think that trying to separate is a good thing but to encourage other friends as well. But now at 5, DD is expressing concern about friend's liking for fighting and getting in trouble. I presume that at last she now recognises some consequences of bad behaviour to some extent, and while she still has the ability to disrupt and get into trouble, if this happens at school now she is more upset about it (but not at home....am afraid that lying is becoming more sophisticated anyway)It might just be an age thing that may improve. If the teacher is aware (as she has mentioned it to you) it is likely that an eye will be kept on them both. She would be able to reassure you that your daughter is making other friends.

Zesty, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but this is a problem that doesn't go away the older they get. My daughter is twelve and I have to say there have been times when her choice of friends has been extremely difficult to deal with.
In the reception class and in years five and six I had deep misgivings about certain friends. However, I made it a rule never to tell my daughter that I didn't like these particular friends and I hope that I never gave them cause to think that I didn't like them but I agree with others that separation is a last resort and encouraging children to mix and play with others is the best way to go. Maybe she has a hobby that doesn't involve the said child? When children are under my roof they get treated exactly as I would treat my own children. I don't let behaviour go unchecked with other children that I wouldn't tolerate from my own for example. This has led to one child not wanting to come to play but other than that it has simply meant that my daughter has learnt that certain behaviour is always unacceptable and over the last year I have seen a changing attitude to one other girl particularly. Rather than revel in the naughtiness of her friend (in a 'well so and so has a horrible home life thats why shes like she is' kind of way) my daughter has become much more descriminating. She didn't like the consequences of certain behaviour. She particularly didn't like the bitchiness that can develop in ten yeear old girls. She has learnt alot and is becoming a very good judge of character without being defensive about her friends. I suppose what I am saying is go with the flow, monitor it but don't be too involved. Speak to her teacher if you think there is a problem but don't turn it into an issue for your daughter as this won't help your relationship. Good luck.