How do I deal with teacher??? Need advise tonight. Please please advise,,,,,

[Eaney]

OK,DS has been happy at his local school untill recently. Every time I pick him up he is in a bad mood. I have posted here about the strict punishments that are given for fairly minor indiscretions.

DS is 5 soon 6 and accademically is bright. He is in a mixed yr1/2 class and we were told by his reception teacher that he would be ahead of all his peers including the yr2 kids. His reception teacher was slow with praise and tended to focus on his weakness i.e his writing and gloss over his strengths.

Anyway this year, six weeks in, he tells me that he is not clever anymore and that he is the worst in the class as he hardly ever gets any rewards (sweets) and he is very low about it. On top of this he was punished today and yesterday for not finishing his work on time. Not allowed to play at playtime yesterday. I understand that it was either writing or drawing that he was slow to finish.

Anyway I asked if he ever gets praised. No, he says. He is very upset and angry at this and in 6 short weeks his confidence has plummeted.

PArents evening tomorrow what should I say? I honestly think the teacher is trying to get him to improve and I think probably has his best interests at heart but her methods are not working with him and I worry that his abilities in other areas will lessen if he continues to feel bad about school.

I thought about saying that he was very unhappy and that he feels bad cos he thinks he is slower than everyone else. AS you know from other thread I will be on my own with a screaming baby so I need to prepare.

Thanks for your help.

I think you have to let the teacher have her say and then tell her how worried you are about your ds, tell her what he has said and see what she comes back at you with. Ask what exactly he has been punished for and how she intends to encourage him so that it doesnt happen again, is it a one off or regular occurence and what can you do to support her.

Right, I have no idea whether this is a sensible suggestion, but it will at least bump your thread I haven't encountered exactly this, but have had a problem with ds changing to a really strict teacher and getting punished for ludicrous things. My strategy was to act dumb and worried- "I'm concerned that ds is obviously not doing well at all from what he tells me and yet he's been fine before. He's obviously not working hard, what can I do about it?" In my experience the teacher then said no, not at all and started bending over backwards to praise, both at the time and then back in the classroom. Don't know if that makes sense, and I'm not sure it's sensible, but it worked for me.

And ask her about what positive feedback she gives him.

I've had this with a bright DS who suddenley found that a new teacher (the headmaster) found fault all the time. The teacher was astounded when I pointed out that the report he had written after a year was the most negative document I had ever read. I said that I was a professional in education and thought that, as a educator, the point was to praise as well as point out fault. He agreed, and has, to some extent, changed his own behaviour after this. He seemed to feel that bright children could cope with pure criticism and didn't need praise.
On a side note - your school rewards with sweets!

It is a tall order for a yr1 teacher to work out how to best motivate all 30 children in the class. Some do respond well to threats and bribes, others better to praise. Please try to not to feel or sound too critical of the teacher, but just point out to the teacher that your ds's confidence has plummeted; and that you find the best way to motivate and inspire him is by praise and rewards, rather than anything else.

My ds2 didn't really 'click' with his yr1 teacher, and we spent quite a bit of time discussing with her the best way to get through to him. In the end it all paid off: in January it all fell into place and he went on to have a great year.

the other thing is that while he might feel that he is never praised, this might not be the case. What children feel is happening and what is happening are not always identical. I have had children tell me that I 'pick on them' when I honestly don't. But that is their perception.

I'd have a constructive chat with the teacher and see what can be done to imporove things for your son

Making the transition from foundation to Year 1 can be quite tricky for some children. It takes eime to adjust and they have to find their place in a new set up. He may well be comparing himself with the Year 2 children who obviously are going to be different without being aware of why they are different, ie older!
My advice if it is not too late is to listen to teacher and then ask how you can work with them to build his self confidence which appears to have nosedived. That should prompt them to consider why and what they can do to help. Good luck.

I think tamum's is a sensible suggestion, i.e. focus on what YOU can do, how YOU can help, that YOU are concerned. That should put her on the back foot without making her defensive IYSWIM

Sorry to detract from the original question but is it normal practice for teachers to give sweets to pupils when they've done their work well? If so, what happened to gold stars???

I think sweets are one of the things that she gives normally I hear about stars and star of the week. It's hard to know if my 5 yr old has an accurate handle on what is going on. Today for instance there was a child's birthday and sweets were being given out so he may have got confused with this. He is adamant that he is not confused.

He is also a highly allergic child and she may well have been not giving him sweets for this reason and DS having such a downer on himself has misinterpreted it. The thing is he is so unhappy most evenings now and really not himself. Initially I put it down to tiredness but I think it's more tied up with the class he is in.

Teacher also gives pens and pencils as rewards which I think is a bit generous. Anyway thanks for your thoughts. I will try and get my concerns accross to her in the most constructive way as I do really think she is trying to advance him in the way that she thinks is best,