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Original poster

Inlaws pressing for a catholic school but I am not catholic! (boring and long, sorry)

61 replies

OrribleOliveoil · 19/10/2005 09:46

Bit of background - inlaws go to church every week, dh was brought up Catholic and went to Catholic school. Stopped going (to church) when teenager and now isn't interested in the slightest.

Had both girls christened Catholic mainly to stop the bloody hinting inlaws (zzzzzzzzzzzzzz) and dh was quite keen.

However, I am not Catholic and know ABSOLUTELY nothing about it. And I know for a FACT it will be me getting the questions on Saint this and what is confirmation etc.

Dd1 currently goes to a playgroup linked to the CofE school and will hopefully go there. I am happy with this and it is a good school.

Dh now tells me that his dad goes on and on and on about the Catholic school and I think he is getting swayed.

IF she goes to the Catholic school, will she feel an outsider? Will it be a detriment if I know absolutely nothing?

Help! Need to know what to do.

OP posts:
codface · 19/10/2005 09:59

lol was kidding tetchypants

codface · 19/10/2005 10:00

and ill raise your tsk to a tsk tsk

Original poster
OrribleOliveoil · 19/10/2005 10:00

Talk to the hand

OP posts:
FangAche · 19/10/2005 10:01

lol OO - If you're happy with the Catholic school then just go with that! I don't think it makes any difference how much you know. DH went to a Catholic school and you're lucky if he can remember the words to a hymn never mind all the ceremonial stuff thats involved!

Original poster
OrribleOliveoil · 19/10/2005 10:02

ok. Didn't know if you had to know lots of stuff.

Thank you.

x

OP posts:
Marina · 19/10/2005 10:02

OOO, just a thought - have you asked the priest if they do any briefing sessions for parents who want to know more about the Catholic faith in the context of their children attending the school. Your situation must be one he has encountered before...

CarolinaFullMoon · 19/10/2005 10:04

you're right Fangache. It's just a bit of a parpy subject for me because I got some grief from both grannies for not baptising ds. DP and I were both raised Catholics, but we aren't practising - I'm an atheist and dp is mainly agnostic - and I really didn't like the idea of promising something I had no intention of following through.

OOO, Catholic masses are really not a million miles away from High Anglicanism. Bit of incense, the odd Hail Mary, some rosary beads now and again...Your dd will be able to tell you all about it when she gets to school .

Original poster
OrribleOliveoil · 19/10/2005 10:07

I felt a hypocrite too when we went to see the Priest to arrange the christening Carolina, but was pooh poohed by dh's dad!

Have only been to a Catholic church for funerals and was always kneeling when others were standing and vice versa. And I was on my feet for the communion thing and dh hissed sit down.

x

OP posts:
Bozza · 19/10/2005 10:30

TBH I don't see why you would be happy with a CofE school but not a Catholic school. Think cod is right really - check them both out at the time and go for the one you think will suit your DD - thinking about all the usual stuff, class sizes, facilities, ethos, results, blah, blah, blah.

annh · 19/10/2005 10:32

If the Catholic school in question is over-subscribed then it might not even be possible to get in as the first places will go to people whose children are baptised (like yours) AND who are practising members of the parish. You probably have to get the priest to sign the application form.

I would visit both schools and choose whichever one is best for YOU based on a whole range of criteria (academic, social etc) and not just whether it is the right religion for your PILs. Even in very Catholic schools, it is very usual to have only parent who is Catholic although I think it certainly helps if the other parent is broadly supportive of the ethos of the school. I'm sure the school will also happily inform you about how often they pray, have masses etc. Both our DSs attend a very Catholic school where they pray at the beginning and end of every day, plus before and after lunch. They also have about three masses a term and the RE classes are very much a part of the Curriculum, although Christian in content rather than Catholic, as far as I can see. You could also check how many of the children typically make their First Communion and whether any of the preparation is done in school. Our school, despite its Catholicism, is completely separate from these preparations.

In the end, please don't be unduly influenced by your PILs. No matter how good the school may turn out to be, if you feel that you are there under pressure, it could colour your whole outlook on your children's school years.

northerner · 19/10/2005 10:33

when is dd starting school olive?

Original poster
OrribleOliveoil · 19/10/2005 11:40

She can go to the Catholic on f/time next September and the CofE on will be the year after that.

That is another issue, is it too soon next year, will she be better in playgroup etc etc. She is a bit sensitive so I think it will be a bit much to go next year, she will be nearly 4, too young?

How on earth do you decide on schools etc?

OP posts:
Bozza · 19/10/2005 11:50

Surely that doesn't need to be an issue? If she is not ready and sounds like she might not be, couldn't you just apply for either school the year after?

I'm sorry, I think my tone sounds a bit dismissive and I don't really mean it to be, I know it is stressful trying to ensure you make the best decision for your child. And I have my own fair share of angst about much more trivial school related issues.

Copper · 19/10/2005 12:12

If you need to prove commitment to Catholic faith to get in to the Catholic school, will your dh be prepared to go to church every week between now and when you apply (and after)?

northerner · 19/10/2005 12:33

How come she can go to teh catholic one next year? I'm confused. Surely she should start full time in Sept 2007?

Tommy · 19/10/2005 12:51

whereabouts are you in the country OOO? They might determine how "Catholic" the rest of the pupils are. In our (RC)school there are plenty of children who aren't catholics or who were baptised but never go to mass. Don't kow if they feel left out but all the children go to mass etc together and all children would be invited up at communion time for a blessing so no-one "should" feel left out.

However, agree with the others that you should decide where your child goes to school - not anyone else. You will be the one taking her there, picking her up, going to Parents' evenings etc. It's your decision.

Beanfrog · 19/10/2005 13:00

I went to a catholic primary school, not for any religious reasons but because (as my mum put it) "the nuns offered a good education" At times I was excluded, I couldn't go to confession and some masses and stuff but my best friend was a muslim so we didn't mind that. I didn't feel like an outsider. I think kids tend to get on being kids but that parents might have a harder time of it with other parents.
IMO this is why all schools should be secular!

Original poster
OrribleOliveoil · 19/10/2005 13:02

Northener - The Catholic one has a nursery attached and they can go f/time there from 3 (or nearly 4). The problem is that she will be then going f/time at the CofE playgroup one so will have to be moved. I have been told my other mums that January is the cut off (???) for decisions, maybe wrong.

Copper - No way will dh go to church.

Tommy - Oldham, so they will be very Catholic I think, no mixing round here unfortunately.

I will go away now and stop boring you all! I know it is not a biggy in the grand scheme of things but I am fretting.

x

OP posts:
northerner · 19/10/2005 13:52

Oh I see. It's such a big decision, but one you really acn't amke untill you visit. I am doing the rounds now as ds starts next Sept and a school I thought was really nice and had a good Ofsted was a biy Yuk when I visited.

Original poster
OrribleOliveoil · 19/10/2005 13:56

When are your deadlines and how old is your son?

(Also, on a separate thing, I remember way back that you posted he was a bad eater, has he improved? Going through the same here at the mo ).

OP posts:
northerner · 19/10/2005 14:00

Have to return form with my 5 preferences by early Dec. Find out next April where he will be going. He was born April 2002, so starts next Sept, the term after he turns 4.

Yes he was a terrible eater and yes he has improved loads - even eats carrots now

But I had an awful time with him at one point. So there is hope.

lucy01 · 19/10/2005 14:02

dooooooooooonnnnnnnnnn'tttttttttttt do it

i went to a catholic senior school and absolutely hated it. the whole thing was one big indoctrination exercise. was told i was going to go to hell on the first day bec i was not (a) a catholic and (b) not baptised (all hell broke loose when they found out my dad was jewish).

we had very poor careers advice as the nuns attitude was that we should only go to uni to find a husband, get married and have lots of little catholic babies.

a friend's kids go to our local catholic primary schoool (again they are not catholic) and the eldest's homework on the weekend is to write about what they did - his is always corrected at the end with "and when did you go to mass?" mum very involved with school and pta (runs drama clubs, school plays etc) but 3rd child didn't get in this year and they are not catholic and the school has changed the policy.

i would think very long and hard about this. what are you going to do when all the other kids have their first confirmation etc. its generally all or nothing with catholicism but you may be lucky with your local school.

sorry to rant but 6 years of exposure has not given me a good impression of catholics

Blu · 19/10/2005 14:06

Is it a catholic school which has a clear admissions policy for children for other faiths, or would you have to pretend to be active practising catholics in order to get a place?
If you're cool with faith based education, and wouldn't have to pretend anything, just choose on the basis of which school you prefer.

I wouldn't, personally, be prepred to pretend - could lead to v uncomfortable circumstances in future.

It sounds to me as if the real issue is with your PIL, and how far they wish to pessurise you about the upbringing of your children.

Original poster
OrribleOliveoil · 19/10/2005 14:07

My gut feeling is stick with the CofE so that is what I will do (I think..).

Will find out my cutoff dates and see, I am sure it must be later than Jan, but several people have told me otherwise.

I don't think there are nuns at the school, it is only across the road and I am sure I would have seen them swishing past.

Northerner - good news on the eating, dd1 is major pain at the mo, grrrrrrr, changes each day.

Thanks all.

xx

OP posts:
Kittypickle · 19/10/2005 14:09

Read the Ofsteds, go and look at them then go with your gut instinct. When we moved here there was a choice of two schools one of which was a Catholic school pretty much top of the league table for the county with a glowing ofsted. I was convinced it must be fantastic until I went and looked at it and had a really bad feeling about the head - too "nice" I felt. Went to the other and loved it. She goes there and they have absolutely brilliant. She has dyspraxia which we weren't aware of when making the decision and she has fantastic support. Totally ignore what your PILs say, it's which one you feel will be best for your DD.

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