Disappointed by teacher at parent's evening...

[Gameboy]

Would be interested in some of your thoughts on this, and especially if there are any primary teachers out there on your perspective.

We went to DS's parents evening tonight, and met his Yr1 teacher for the first time properly (ie. not just at the classrom door etc).

I've really like what I've seen of her so far at parents' group meetings, and a couple of information events the school have had where she has spoken, but tonight I felt a bit disappointed.

Basically she started by saying she had 'no problems' with DS, that he had settled in well and was making good progress. Things like he had a good general knowledge and mixed well.

I know that all sounds OK, but it was a very sort of 'he's doing OK' sort of conversation.

Now I really don't think of myself as a 'pushy' parent, but I've spoken enough to friends who help out in the class, and also seen for myself that he is, in my opinion, doing what I would call 'really well'. People spontaneously comment on how bright he is, how advanced his vocabulary is, what a confident little boy he is etc etc.

If I thought he was just 'doing OK' then I think I'd be worried that I had somehow overestimated his abilities. So I asked his teacher a few questions:

• how was his numeracy/ reading etc relative to his peers? Oh, he's at the top level she said.
• how does he interact in group sessions? Oh, he's excellent at talking to the class, and is a confident member of the class. And there were a few other similar examples.

So what I don't understand is why she wouldn't spontaneously mention some of these positive things? It was almost as if she didn't want to acknowledge any strengths

When we came out I was discussing with DH and he said 'well maybe that's just her style' but I don't like the thought that there is no recognition of success.

When I had asked her if there was anything he needed to work on she said he had to try to remember to wait his turn, as he often blurted out the answers to things in class.
Now I can understand that this can be hard for a teacher trying to work with lots of children, but shouldn't they learn to handle this without dampening a child's obvious enthusiasm?

I really don't think he's a 'know it all' sort of child, but he IS interested and enthusiastic about things around him. I'm now beginning to worry whether his teacher is really supporting that enthusiasm, or pretty much ignoring him 'cos he's "doing OK" (and perhaps others aren't and need more help?)

The normal aim of parent's evenings at this time of year is to gather information; for the parents about how the child is settling and progressing, (bearing in mind they have been with the teacher for 6-7weeks) and for the teacher to find out more about the child which helps to build a fuller picture of the sort of learner that they are.
It is early days and I wouldn't feel 100% confident of the judgements I have made about children so would choose my words with care.
Having said that, any parent wants to know that their child is a valued member of the class and it sounds like the teacher missed the chance to do this. It may be that she was apprehensive about broaching the issue of turn taking when working as a whole class. Some teachers are the effusive type and rave about most children , others don't. It doesn't mean that they don't recognise the child's abilities and talents.

Given the answers to your questions, I would expect a more positive attitude from the teacher and TBH, as he's doing really well, I wouldn't expect to have to ask those questions IYSWIM.

How does she seem at the meetings etc? Does she put herself across well at these events? Did she say anything positive about your DS before you asked her these things, as it seems to me that she needed prompting.

I think you're reading too much into it. She said he's doing fine (I used to be a teacher- other end- 18/19 year olds). She said the bit about not blurting out in response to a question from you "what does he need to work on". It can;t be a big problem or she would have mentioned it unprompted.

Let me get this straight. She said he's settled well, is making good progress, has good general knowledge and mixes well? And you are disappointed? Sorry, I'm teasing a bit and I shouldn't but that honestly sounds pretty glowing to me.

It's hard isn't it - and you're prbably right, I AM reading too much into it, but it did feel like either she doesn't really know him at all, or she missed an opportunity to say anything really positive.

I think as a parent you get so LITTLE feedback about how your child is 'doing' and whether what you try to do with outside of school seems to be paying off or not! Perhaps it was actually feedback on my parenting which I was seeking! I do encourage him as much as possible and try to support what the school's doing with everything. We make a big thing about having lots of books around and doing lots of reading together/going to the library etc. How hard would it have been for her to say "he's way above average on his reading, is this something you do lots of at home?" or something.

I know as a parent you probably have a sense of how your kids are progressing, but don't you think it's useful to sometimes have it confirmed?

ScummyMummy - you're right
Clearly I AM just a pushy parent

Nah. You just want everyone to think he's as fab as you do. And that's natural. It's what I want from everyone who so much as sets eyes on my boys too. But it ain't gonna happen- sob!

I'm ateacher but im dreading dds parents thing tommorrow as i always feel about 5 infront of her teacher. I know I will come away disappointed as I just wont be able to ask the questions i want to. Yet I can speak to my kids parents with no problems at all. I think as teachers we often air on the side of caution because things sometimes come back to haunt you.

Gameboy, I can relate to this and understand what you're trying to say. I had a parents evening last night, first one for my twin DDs who have
been in reception about 5 weeks. They are in different classes and DD1's teacher (who I saw first) raved about her, saying how she was a valued member of the class, very bright, caring, kind etc etc, I came out on cloud 9 .

I then went to see DD2's teacher who, although lovely, is a completely different type and just doesn't enthuse as much as the other one. All she said was that DD2 had taken a while to settle but now seemed OK, she needed to practice her writing a bit more (I know she can write very well for 4.5) and said she was making some nice friends. I left feeling a bit disappointed that DD2 wasn't showing the teacher her full potential, but now realise it was possibly just a different teacher's approach. I guess it's the same in your case.

Such a wierd thing, parents evening.

Makes all of us feel oddly insecure, I think. Was sitting in front of dd2's teacher last night, listening to her saying vague, pleasant things about her and wanting to leap up from the eensy-weensy dolls house chair and say 'Yeah, but I bet you say this to everyone! Go on! Say my dd is just a bit nicer and a bit cleverer than all the other kids in the class...'

It is disappointing that they just don't see in our children the things we see in them!!

How would you handle this? Dd has gone to school for the last two weeks wearing a big badge with her name on, made for her by her best friend's Mum. Her friend has one too.

This is because, I'm told, the teacher can never remember which is which and is always calling them by each others' names. They are not even slightly alike.

The teacher is job sharing three days a week but in the 7th week of term is there any excuse?

I have first parents' evening with dd's year 2 teacher coming up. How can I take seriously anything this woman says about my child? I don't have any worries about dd but I'm a bit worried that I'll be too angry to keep cool.

Any advice?

screemie, that is so sad. I would take a photo of your daughter, and hold it up at the beginning of the meeting and say "this is my daughter, I understand you are easily confused, how is she doing in class?"

'easily confused', I like that spagblog

bump for after school crowd

Teachers often spend most of the year calling children by each others names.
And you've no chance if you've a same sex sibling who was previously taught by that teacher!

Re the 'How is my child doing related to the class' comment.

As a mum I want to be told that my kids are great, top of the class, most helpful, most polite, charming, well integrated etc etc

As a teacher I can tell you that relating how a child is doing to the rest of the class is very out of vogue. It doesn't really matter how the rest of the clas is doing, all that matters is that a child makes progress. Most modern reports etc work on this principle. X can do this this and this, to imporve they need to do Y. It doesn't matter if they are at the top end, or the bottom, it is the Progress that each child makes that matters.

Still doesn't stop me wondering as a parent tho!

I really liked our parents eve. 1st one in reception we got a 'what a nice little girl she is ' a bit too chatty to her friends!!

At teh end of year 1 I had an off teh record chat with her teacher and she was saying how brilliant the WHOLE class was, so I asked how dd was doing in comparison her reply 'Well she's above average natonally for a yr1 child' really creased me up. She was so obviously TRYING to say 'she's as thick as two short planks in comparison to this class'!! but was being diplomatic. DD isn't aft, but is certainly not toip of her class, therefore I prefer to know how she is doing socially, rather than academically, as I am not going to push a round peg into a square hole and start trying to teach her anything She is 'Creative'

I went to my first parents evening for reception last night. I thought the teacher handled it really well. The majority of the time was spent looking at what the children would be learning that year and what home could do to help. The 'How's my child doing' was just a small part of this. Teachers are there to educate our children and while as parents we would often like a character description of how our child is when we can't see them, it isn't really the job of the teacher.
I can understand why a teacher wouldn't rise to telling someone how great their child is.

We tend not to give grades and marks to our 11-18 year olds either. Research shows that if children get a grade that is all they look at, ie ' I got an A what did you get?'

So high end kids can get complacent and lower end kids get switched off.

Kids do best when they get a comment only. So, This is a good piece of work because you did x , y and z. To improve , next time make sure you do a and b.

At first this drives the kids nuts as they like to compete with each other. But in the end it doesn't help them, they need to concentrate on how they are doing and what they need to do to improve.

MB - Yes, I suspected there was a bit of the 'it's not relevant to benchmark your child vs the rest of the class stuff going on'.

Unfortunately both DH & I were brought up in fairly academic, competitive families and it's a bit 2nd nature to us to want to do this. Also DS seems to naturally want to 'compete' and is motivated by this.

If I'm honest (and controversial!) I think it's all a bit b*ll&cks really - after all life is one big competition later on, and you can over protect children from it too much I think...

Trust me, I very competative myself. the thing is most studies show that this doesn't get the best out of the kids. It isn't me falling in with the 'hello clouds, hello sky, lets protect the little cherubs' style of teaching....that isn't my bag at all I'm a bit of a hard arse, tell it like it is girl myself!

The thing is that givinfg the kids comparative grades just doesn't make them progress so well. the bright kids get confirmed that they are the best (so many will coast), the less able think, 'Well I'm a thick as shit, so why bother?' the ones in the middle just mooch along.

Studies have shown that kids to least well if they have a grade or a mark, next well if they have a grade and a comment (they just ignore the comment) and do best with comments alone.

But MB - then what do we do at GCSE / A level, we grade them!

Must admit, I'm in the middle of Performance Reviewing at work at the moment and it's just the same old sh*t too - everyone has to have 'stretch targets', no one ever gets 'over achieved' the developmental stuff always seems to take precedent over the 'job well done' stuff...

I'm sure we don't raise Olympic champions beacause we socialise out the competitive spirit from kids..

Oh yes, we do, and we also grade kids in exams. This isn't being done to protect them from the upset of knowing where they are in class...I have yet to meet the child who cannot tell you which 10% of the class they fall within....they are very good at it.

It just doesn't really seem to push on their learning to give them grade.

Now, with my mummy hat on I'm itching to know where my kids are in the class. But I know that being told this isn't going to imporove their learning.

What my kids need (and I need to know about) are specific targets that they can work towards. Now if your child doesn't get these that is quite another matter

also you need to bear in mind that at Y1 there is a significant age gap within the class room which makes comparison pointless. DD1 is Aug baby and if her teacher had made a direct comparison between her and some of the girls who are almost a year older I would have been most annoyed.