Summer birthday - anxious about starting school

[jedsmum]

My son is due to start reception in Sept 2006. He will have just turned four (at the end of June). I am very anxious about him going to school so young. The local primary (in Queens Park, London) is huge and looks like a Victorian workhouse. It scares me, let alone him. I am even considering holding him back a year - is this crazy? He's currently at a lovely, small and friendly nursery - he goes there for three days a week while I work and loves it. But he is quite sensitive - definitely not one of the boisterous boys. I can't bear the thought of him being bullied by older/bigger kids. Does anyone have any advice?

My birthday is at the end of June (very last day) and I was fine at school. I too was very shy when I was 4 and my mum was really worried about me.

He will change a huge amount between now and Sep 06 - reasses it nearer the time, but I'd be inclined to send him to school.

Children come on so much in the space of 10 months, you may be surprised about how much he grows in confidence in that short time.

Often I think we have 'low' expectations of our children, in respect of believeing them to be far more fragile and unable to cope than they really are.

Lots of children will be in the same boat as your DS in reception.

We all feel like our 'babies' are going into the big bad world to be bullied by big kids, but thankfully this is not par for course.

I think if you can develop a positive attitude towards school, he will pick up on this, continue as you are and he will pick up on your anxiety.

Will he go full time straight away? Summer born children here do mornings only for the first two terms at school which phases them in quite gently. You don't actually have to send him until the term in which he turns five, but our school advises against deferring entry because it can make it harder for the child to settle when the other children all know each other.

I agree that there will be a big difference in him in a year too. You may feel he's ready for it.

Is his nursery near the school? If so, you may find that lots of his little pals are going to the same school - this is what happened with DD1 - and it was such an advantage for her.

There were also plenty of opportunities for her to visit the school beforehand.

Does the school have a nursery class that you could get him into after Christmas? Not ideal I know, but might get him used to the building prior to Sept.
That said, I know how you feel. My ds1 has a late summer birthday, and we too thought of keeping him back a year. But it's generally better to keep them in the right year group for all sorts of reasons. In the end my ds1 went to a school with an attached nursery, which worked really well.
They cope better than you think; so try not to worry.

I think you'll have to wait and see how you feel nearer the time...lots of good advice already, but to try and reassure you further.....

I worked in a Reception Class of a huge London Primary, that as you say looked like a Victorian workhouse from the outside BUT the two Reception classrooms were lovely - bright, comfortable and cosy. There was a special section of the playground, attached to both classrooms just for Reception children, and older 'helpers' (children from further up who volunteered to help the little ones). They only really joined the older children for assemblies, and then not all of them, and they always got lots of attention and praise at these times for being so fantastic even though they were new and small. Lots of time and effort went into ensuring that they felt safe and settled.

All our children started in September, but there was lots of flexibility about how much time they did when they started. We wanted them all fulltime by after Christmas if possible, but if littlies were struggling with long days then they did mornings only and built up. We also worked v closely with parents on personal strategies for children who found the initial settling difficult (special jobs on arrival, bringing photos of mum/special toy, stickers for everything positive etc etc). The vast majority of schools will be the same.

All Reception classes should have a 'settling' policy, so once you get to the stage of visiting schools you can ask how it's done, and see what you think.

Ds1 also has a late June birthday and started in Reception in the September after his 4th birthday. Like you I was worried about him being in a class where some children were almost a year older and also wondered about potential bullying. To add to the woory he is also autistic.

In the end it all turned out well. As Mum2girls says, children change so much in the space of 10 months. My ds1 was allowed to build up his hours at school gradually to help him settle in. The infants have a separate playground to the juniors and it is well-supervised so very little (if any) opportunity for bullying.

Most schools hold a transition day nearer the time where pre-schoolers can spend a morning or afternoon at their future school. This will give you, your ds and his teacher to spot any potential problems. It may also be worth discussing your concerns at the school's next open day for parents of children due to start school in Sept 2006. The teachers will hopefully be able to give you some reassurance.

Thanks so much for all your support and advice - some really helpful tips here, and much reassurance. I do feel better now and it was great to hear that many schools have policies in place to ensure that the little ones settle in well. I think in the case of this specific school, they start the kids with summer birthdays two weeks after the older ones have started, but they go full time straight away. Quite a strange policy, in my opinion... Anyway, I am sure you are all right that Jeddy will be more confident in a year's time and I will try to be, too! Thanks again.