Help!

[SadDad2011]

OK before I start firstly sry for offloading and secondly thanks in advance to any1 who can offer advice or just their thoughts.

I've been helping at my daughter's school for the last year and a half with swimming lessons one afternoon a week. All this involves is walking them to/from the swimming block, telling them to hurry up while changing through the (closed!) door, giving out floats etc and being an extra body there for insurance purposes.

Anyway today I was asked to go see the head (At this point I'm worried my daughter is having some sort of problem that I was unaware of). He tells me that the swimming teacher had seen me put my mobile phone down on a table, tells me that is 'odd' behaviour. Asks me why I did it then gets me to go through my photo library with him (ofc just family shots on it).

You could have knocked me down with a feather at this point. On the one hand I can see why they were doing this but on the other it made me feel one inch tall. When every other helper is a Mum you feel a little bit like the black sheep anyway, now I'm going to be thinking every1 is suspecting me of being some damn child pervert.

I don't know what to do.

Do I carry on as normal? (not even sure they will invite me back, though the head said he felt 'reassured by our conversation').

Do I quit? It would make things more comfortable for me and the swim teacher I guess, but would that make me look guilty??

Am I over-reacting?

Life's not been great these last couple of years and this feels like the straw that broke the camel's back :( Not felt this sad for ages :( :( :(

Any thoughts appreciated whatever they may be.

You're not over-reacting, but the school do have to keep an eye out for anything which could be an issue, and deal with it. I think they have handled it quite well - the swim teacher had a quiet word with the Head, the Head had a quiet word with you. He now feels "reassured". End of!

So long as the swim teacher hasn't gone mouthing off to anyone about the incident, then nobody is going to be thinking you are a pervert. But, it would be a good idea not to have your phone out where people can get the wrong impression in future. I would hope that the swim teacher would have done the same if you had been female - schools have to very wary about mobile phones because of the cameras these days.

Thanks for your responses :)

@beerTricks: Yes I did forget to mention why my phone was out - its new and the ringer seems to lack the 'punch' of my old one and I worry about missing calls. So I didn't want to leave it in my coat and there wasn't room in my trouser pockets. Hence on the nearest table. As my son is autistic theres always a strong chance I will get called to his school. Will need a change of plan I guess.

@AMumInScotland: Thanks for your positive words! I hope you're right :)

OK I've now moved into the 'anger' phase

Firstly when I signed up the swim teacher asked me if I had a mobile with the school's number programmed into it in case of emergency. Surely that was the time to tell me not to have it out?

Secondly looking at my phone photos is a massive privacy invasion. What if my wife and I had a . . 'spicer' love life and I had some pics of us on there. I woulda been stuck between a rock and a hard place then for sure.

Thirdly surely 18 months of reliable service engenders some lvl of trust?

Fourthly on at least 2 or 3 occasions swimming has been cancelled without them phoning me and I turned up to go anyway.

And fifthly some1 who I do a service for has no right to make me feel this bad.

Im summary I think I'm going to tell them to shove it. Grrr.

Bah, angry posting makes for bad spelling. Apologies.

No, you are not being unreasonable. I always have my phone out and on the table and I work in an educational environment. I have the ringer switched off and need to know if there is an emergency with one of my children.

You have said that you don't go into the changing rooms and I am assuming that by the pool the children are wearing costumes.

The swimming teacher could easily have said, put your phone away sad dad, it might cause a concern. The Head could have said "I'm really sorry, but, because of x, y or z protocol I have to ask.

You have given your time voluntarily and you have been put in a situatin of feeling accused. I would set out your concerns to the Head, explain how you feel the relationship between you and swimming teacher has been fractured and wish them well in finding someone else. And don't forget to copy it to the Chair of Governors.

They had their chance and hope they write a sincere letter of thanks and learn some manners - remember they are role models for the children. Entitled and ungrateful - let them try to do it without free help in future.

Oh and finally, they might get away with treating little children like this but they cannot treat grown ups like it without being brought to book.

Thank you for your support amicissima, and onceamai - I like your suggestion, I think this is the way to go.

I really sympathise and must say I'd be feeling as disgruntled as you.
It's a hard one - if word has got out somehow and you no longer help with swimming, how would that look on you? Could you perhaps help out a couple more times and then quit? I would be writing a letter to the Head and Chair of Governors.
I know we have to safeguard children but sometimes it just seems that common sense and good manners are thrown out of the window.
You don't go in the changing rooms and you should have been informed about the mobile phone policy. You obviously weren't holding the phone, it was just on a table. I would have thought that, if you were surreptitiously taking pictures, you wouldn't have it sat on the table.
At our pool, parents aren't allowed to take their phones out. I was at a swimming lesson once (not a school one) and just wanted to quickly text my son but was told by the swimming instructor to put my phone away. If I'd then been asked to show all photos on my phone I'd have been mortified (and they're only family pics too).
Don't think I've been much help but just wanted to let you know you have my sympathy.

Well - I do think this could have been handled better and I understand your anger, but I would give yourself a few days before sending any letters. I think I would have been angry too, but also, knowing that I hadn't actually done anything wrong, I'd have probably just let it go and kept on with helping. You weren't doing anything wrong - why should you stop helping!

I would be furious too SadDad2011. I find it hard to see how having a phone on a table is a problem. It is not as if you were pointing it at children and filming/ taking photos. I might write a letter to the governors/head saying how as a long standing volunteer you expected more trust and respect and are hurt by your treatment. I feel angry on your behalf!!

SadDad . I can understand that you feel angry but I feel you are taking this personally when it is not a personal attack. I work in a school and I would have reported you too. I would have had to.

Every school has a child protection policy and it is made very clear that we must report any concerns to the head. It is not optional - we are required to do this.The head made investigations and was reassured that there was not a problem.

It would be a real shame if you stopped helping at school. The children need positive male role models - especially at primary.

1. THANKS EVERYONE FOR POSTING. I find the opinions of non-involved people really helpful in helping me understand this issue. Ofc friends and family are great, but they are automatically 'on your side' so not really impartial.

2. Interesting to see theres roughly a 50/50 split of opinions here, which kinda mirrors my own thoughts tbh. I'm holding off on doing anything atm until I calm down.

What I find hard to reconcile is why the swim teacher didnt just say 'please put your phone away'. At the point she saw it I believe the kids weren't even out of the changing room, so no harm done. As it was, by not saying anything this issue has arose.

On top of that. What if I was a pedophile? So she says nothing and just lets me carry on? How on earth is that protecting the kids? (If any1 who understands the regulations could shed some light on this I would be most grateful)

Still at least there's the week off in order to come to some sort of decision. Again, thanks for your thoughts everyone.

The fact that you are angry means the matter isnt sorted.
I would arrange another meeting with the head to discuss the issues you have raised (privacy of your photos, emergency contact for your child, etc etc.

However, phones in public places especially around children is making national news and more and more establishments are banning them. Cameras have been banned in most pools for years and now othat phones have cameras they have to do the same.

It might be the pool policy not to allow phones and they have reported you.

Think of it the other way, you have a child at a pool and you see a man with a phone/camera in his hand, what do you immediately think. Even though 99.9% of the time it is being used innocently, everyone these days will jump to conclusions.

Its a fact of life.
You are not allowed to take photos of your kids playing in a pool. You are not allowed to hold a camera in your hand. so same rules now apply to phones.

By protesting too much could be interpreted that there is something more to it (even though there isnt).

You were seen with a phone, it was reported, you showed someone all the photos on the phone, matter cleared up, head happy.

I think have a meeting to raise the issues you have so that you can get it off your chest, but dont resign because this will make you look guilty.

Just imagine ,,, we caught a man with a phone and now he hasnt come back.

Dont give people the ammunition and go back to what you enjoy

The phone was on the table! Oh I don't know - it just seems like an over reaction. Someone should have gone up to the op [pool official? Swimming teacher?].. and just informed him that phones in swimming pool area not allowed as could cause concern. A low key approach like that would not have created a mountain out of a molehill. I do hope this is resolved so the op feels able to carry on volunteering. However I would understand if he simply thought 'stuff it'.

Everyone gets so paranoid over nothing, its a fact of life now, so someone saw a phone and reported it.

it might be that the instructor had been given specific instructions that if she sees a phone then she has to mention it to someone. On this forum we dont know what the rules are of that particular pool.

I think it is a sad reflection on our society in general that people are so suspicious

centerparcs sell underwater cameras actually in the pool I'm sure. This whole thing is just ridiculous

I can kind of understand why an overvigilant staff member was concerned (at a stretch). Once concerned they are obliged to report it adn teh head is obliged to follow it up. It's annoying but not personal.

yes annoying and not personal but this should have been made very clear to the OP by the Head