Head teacher just had a go at me in front of other staff, parents and pupils at the school

[electra]

My daughter (9 with autism) goes to a mainstream primary school where she has ABA support in her statement. Occasionally a tutor call in sick very late the night before they are due to work. This happened last Wednesday. By fluke, her ABA consultant was due to be in that day anyway and when I spoke to him he said that it would be ok - he could work with her etc. Then when I picked dd up at 3.30, I asked whether a school TA would be available the next day and I was told that would be fine (the LA have asked that the school try to cover if dd's tutor is off sick)

Today I was talking to her TA in the entrance hall when the head teacher appeared and really laid into me about the fact the tutor was off, in front of a lot of people. I explained that I was sorry but I hadn't had notice this tutor was going to be off either and that if her consultant was in he was obviously more than capable of working with her (which he has done before)

What upset me was how rude he was and his aggressive body language. I was so upset I actually cried (which usually I don't do about things like this!)

Surely head teachers aren't supposed to speak to parents with such disrespect?

That's awful!

I'm not too au fait with these things but surely if she's in a mainstream school it is their responsibility, not yours?

And, no, there is no way he should have spoken to you and I would be asking for an apology from him. And if one is not forthcoming I would write to the governors.

I don't think he actually wants dd in the school and feels the pressure of the termly reviews the LEA forces us to have etc and took it out on me. But I felt very intimidated. Something tells me he would not have spoken to a 6 foot dad the same way.

well quite - I'm sure he wouldn't allow his staff to be spoken to like that either

Very unprofessional and a poor example to the dcs present. I would be tempted to send a letter, copied to the governors, explaining the situation concisely and pointing out that school matters should be discussed privately and in an atmosphere of mutual respect.

cornsilk, absolutely - you don't berate staff publicly when things aren't going your way, and parents should be accorded the same respect.

I work in a primary school and all I can say is my headteacher would certainly not have done this. The headteacher should of asked to speak to you privately if there are any concerns. Maybe you should arrange a meeting to clear the air and suggest that any other matters concerning your child should be discussed in private at a mutually convenient time. xx

Complain to the Governors.

Clearly the Head Teacher is a complete Dick!

I suggest you let him know how much you and your DD love the school, and drop in that, by the way, love it so much have written to LEA telling them how wonderful the school is for a child with autism, and you can't think of a better school for an autistic child.

Hopefully your DD will have some more DC with autism to play with at school.

Thanks for replies. I was quite shaken up and taken aback by his tone tbh.

What did he say to you Electra?

He said that I should have told him the day before that the tutor would not be in and I tried to explain that I had not heard she would not be in until the previous midnight. I also did not understand his anger, given that her consultant was available to support her on that day anyway. It was less the words he used and more the his contemptuous tone and the way he leaned over me in an intimidating way.

I have had situations at my other child's school where the head / class teacher had a word with me about something (like dd not doing her homework) and I was not bothered at all because it didn't feel personal or aggressive.

What a knob!. I would ask for a meeting or write a letter.

Man's an arse and a bully. DO contact the governors - a head should never behave like this. Good grief.

Hi, so sorry that you had to endure such unprofessional conduct. I'm a former primary headteacher of a mainstream school and we also had responsibility an autistic pupil. She was a delight and there were very few additional issues to deal with and when they did occur, it was all viewed as a part of our role and responsibility. I would advise you to take this further formally via the school's complaints procedures. I'd imagine that the initial stage states that you should start with the Headteacher. If this is the case, and you wish to speak with him face to face, then you should ensure that you take a friend or representative with you. However, even if you decide on a meeting of this nature, this should not prevent you from following it through with a formal complaint in writing to him and/or the Chair of Governors. Shocking behaviour and he should not be able to get away with it! Best of Luck!

That sounds awful. I think you need to make a complaint to the governers.

I know there are HTs who don't want SEN children in their schools because they see them as a problem, but that is their issue not yours, and there is no reason for speaking to you like that.

In the past he has never spoken to me that way before - which was why I was so taken aback, and I've had various discussions with him in the past. We never had any problems like this with the head who was there when dd was in reception.

He may be harboring a grudge against me because I found out a couple of months ago that dd was not getting 1:1 for her lunch any more (which had been agreed at review meeting) and as a result dd wasn't eating any of her lunch at all. I emailed him to ask if it could be sorted somehow as dd was not even drinking her drink. He didn't seem hugely impressed by my request.

Anyway, meant to say thanks for advice and I guess I'll be writing to the chair of governors.