Entrance exam nightmare

[depo]

My Yr 6 child has been bullied for three years by the class princess. Both went for entry at the same school - we got in, she didn't. Other mother in tears. Now other child conducting war, saying would have got in if only my child had not taken the place. School response useless. My child now very unhappy, wishes had never sat the exam - for which worked very hard. Feels like a terrible end to primary and not a good start for secondary.
Any advice welcome.

Well at least the good thing is your DD gets to go to a different school from this other girl. I would sit your DD down explain that there were places for everyone who got the right score and that she hasn't taken a place from this girl. If the other girl doesn't calm down soon (half term may provide a bit of breathing space) I would expect the school to deal with any bad behaviour in the same way that they should deal with any bullying.

Good for your daughter - she should be preening like a peacock, not being made to feel crappy by some spiteful brat.

Can you speak to the mother? Tell her that you are sorry that her daughter didn't get in, but that she is basically bullying your daughter on the back of this and it is not on. You WILL go to the school and this behaviour WILL on her record - and any future school will look very unfavourably on her. Even if this isn't true, I am sure she will have a word with little the little princess.

Explain to your child that she got in on her own merit - not because someone else did't. The other child didn't make the grade on the day - maybe she had a bad day, maybe she didn't. Either way, your daughter should be proud that she did so well. The other girl is being spiteful and jealous - she ovbiously is one of those children who believe that they 'ought' to have everything they want withoug working for it.

It sounds like a very promising start to secndary, if this girl will not be there!

Concentrate on congratulating your dd, and I would be upfront about why bullies bully, that this girl is only doing it because of her own insecurity an not feeling good about herself - tell your dd that the places will go strictly on merit, and then possibly distance, or whetever, and to encourage her to turn aroun to this girl and say 'if you keep on and on about this i'll tell everyoe why tyou didn;t getin - because you mark wasn't high enough, and then all your friends will know i beat you"

And count the days until she is at a different school from the bully. The new school is good for 7 years, she only has to be at school with this girl for another 5 months!

Personally I think this is the BEST end to primary school.

She's not going to the same school as girl who has been bullying her for 3 years.

She's worked hard and been rewarded with a coveted school place.

The bully didn't get into the chosen school.

What could be better?

RESULT!
You have got what you wanted.
You cannot have this place AND the approval of this foul child and her mother.
Tough! Let them sulk! ViCtory is sweet!
Good end to primary school IMO
Congratulations to your daughter.
Boost her confidence for next September.
Give her a treat for working so hard.
Cut out the silly princess if possible.
Good luck.

Concentrate on praising and pampering your daughter....make her feel extra special and really reward her for her efforts, tell her how proud you are of her - she deserves it! Talk to her about how the green eyed mosnter can have a seriously detrimental effect on people's character and that the silly princess' self esteem is prob at rock bottom and she's doing all that she can to divert things away from her 'failure' to disguise her true feelings...she's obviously very manipulative with emotional issues. The Head needs to act and deal with the situation. The princess' mother will, I imagine, be feeling quite ashamed and in despair - she may not appreciate you speaking to her and may think that you are gloating which could cause more probs. Nonetheless, fantastic result for your daughter. Enjoy!

If it continues beyond half term, maybe have a word with their teacher? Sometimes, in the fray of a school day, I don't think teachers can possibly know what's going on but if you give her the 'heads up', she might suddenlty see exactly what's going on.

It could be to both DDs benefit: the bully, being watched, gets off your DD's case and Ms Princess might be given some guidance about how unattractive being a bad 'loser' looks!

I wouldn't approach the mother- it looks like you think there might be a case to be answered.

I wouldnt approach the mother.
This is a really difficult time for both children and parents and it creates friction. Theres no doubt about this.

Year 6 is an odd time as well, I was talking to a teacher about it and there are lots of emotional flare-ups, with children going their separate ways and quite sadly it is for them the first time that they 'fail' at something and for the first time something that cant be fixed.
Obviously the other girl shouldnt behave like this.
It is quite sad that selective entry at 11+ is quite devisive and causes jealousy but it does.
The rest of this year will pass quickly and soon your daughter will be making new friends far away from this girl.

Many thanks to all of you for your helpful replies. I agree with many of the points made and feel a whole lot better.

We had lots of smug children and parents to navigate when DS was in yr 6.

He got into his school through exam. None of the others did.

I felt the attitudes of some of them was purely to undermine a child's confidence. It was difficult keeping him on track and motivated to do his best. It's crucial that you don't let other people dictate how well your child does.

DS learned an important lesson in not listening to other people's hype about their achievements. Turns out they weren't all genius' after all.

Do let the teacher know what is happening. Your DD has a right to celebrate her success and enjoy the rest of her year without this girl's petty jealousy spoiling it for her.

I rather agree - the other girl was never going to pleased for your daughter, so surely this is the best outcome - would you have prefered the place to go the other way or, possibly even worse, them both have got in.
Privately, discretely at home, both of you should just revel in your success, even enjoying her relative failure just a smidge, and look forward to next year.
And well done!

Er the princess didn't get in because she failed the test (probably has an overinflated opinion of herself and has had to come down to earth with a bump!)- nothing to do with your DD and nothing more than pettyjealousy.

Mum in tears?- diddums sounds like a bit of a princess herself.

I would say this is the best end to primary- that she gets to escape from the horrid little beast.

I wouldn't "enjoy her relative failure just a smidge"- I would be very privately and discreetly very smug.

Make an advent type calender so your daughter can cross off the days until the end of school. Cross off all the holidays, weekends, Bank Holidays. There's not many left really.

I would certainly speak to the teacher and put an end to this. As much as your daughter can enjoy looking forward to moving on ( and well don her ) she also needs to celebrate the finishing of primary, not just wish it away. I hope she can do that.

Hope she enjoys her new big school too x

If it persists I would tell my DD to tell the other girl, loudly, that she didn't get a place because she wasn't clever enough.

Update! I went into school and was really really persistent that they do something. Not with much hope as they never responded effectively before, and as I said in the earlier post, this girl has been horrid for the last three years. This time I think they did have serious words with her and her mother - who responded by texting me every two days for a fortnight demanding that we meet and sort it out. Eeek, I thought, if we have The Discussion, she will hear some things about her daughter that she will definitely not want to hear. So I stuck firmly to the line that the problem was in school and the school should deal with it. Now had a week of school and no bullying reported. The staff are watching the princess like a hawk and this seems to have stopped her. So fingers crossed we can move on, and look forward to life without her. Thanks again to all who posted, it empowered me to go in and demand some action, and it seems to have worked (for now at least).

well done you and so worth doing!

Hope your DD has a lovely rest of the year.