Sorry this is long and quite complicated, but we are in a dilemma:
We have 5 DCs. the eldest is due to leave his school (an independent one) next year as it finishes in year 8. he has asd, and it is very difficult to find a good school for him. His current school, which is fantastic for him is about 45 minutes away - he goes on a school bus, but we never see him, have no interaction with the school, and he gets tired. So we are looking for something closer to home. (the senior school where most of the children go to from that school won't be any good for him anyway).
dd1 goes to a very expensive private school in the city we live in. She loves it and is doing well there. More importantly (from her point of view) she has an adored best friend there who she spends all her time with, and emails etc when she isn't in school. BUT we just cannot afford it in the long term. It is very expensive, and we don't feel we can send her there and not send the younger children to an independent school. DD1s school is probably the best in the county results wise, and has amazing facilities etc etc. I have reservations about it as it is very pushy and pressurised.
dd2 and dd3 go to our local state C of E state school. They are very happy. it is a very good school (would have sent dd1 there too if we could have got her in, or in fact to any of the local state primaries). We have lots of local friends and there is a good community around the school. We also have a ds2 who is yet to start school. He is due to start in the school nursery in Sept. It is a good school for the city we live in, but still has problems with class sizes etc. dd3 who is in year 1 is struggling both with reading and socially and would probably benefit from smaller classes. She has an adored best friend too though.
So our dilemma. We have been to see a small independent school in the next town to ours (one I'd eventually like to move to). It is good for ds1. In fact it is lovely for the whole family. It is small, nurturing and could take them all up to 18. Results are very good (but not outstanding like dd1s school).
the school has offered us a deal if we send all of our 5 dcs there - that we will just have to pay 2 sets of fees. (presumably the highest 2, but still...). It would be less than one set of fees at dd1s expensive school to send all 5 of our children here.
So when to move them? Our friends have said its a no brainer - send them all from Sept. But dd2 and dd3 are very happy (they are year 3 and 1) and dd1 is also stressed about the idea of moving. dh is saying wait a year - move ds1 and see what it's like.
From my point of view, I dream of having them all in one place. I work, and it is a logistical nightmare to have 3 different schools and a nursery. all in different directions, all with different school holidays, different school fairs, plays and open evenings. It causes us ALOT of stress running round all the schools. I have 6 weeks easter holidays to cover this year, and 2 different weeks in February. it is a nighmare!
I also would really like to have them all having a shared experience. I love that the 2 dds can talk about school and people there. I can only get involved with one school which is the state school at the moment, but would love to be more involved with the other's schools too.