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Original poster

When a 6'2" skinhead with a tattoo comes home from work and weeps in his wife's arms

40 replies

Ormirian · 04/02/2011 18:53

do you think he should give up his job Sad

He's teaches secondary age children with behavioural problems and today he took them to college. Had to physically restrain 4 of them. He hates it and every time it happens it distresses him. He can cope with being hit, bitten, kicked, sworn at, but he can't cope with having to tackle them to the ground and restrain them. He is in right state this time. I think he might be rethinking his career Sad

I've dispatched him up to the bath with some wine.

What can I say and do?

Do you get ever used to it?

OP posts:
Starbear · 04/02/2011 21:09

sorry about the grammer and spelling. Its late and I married a teacher but, I wasn't a very good student Blush

bigTillyMint · 04/02/2011 21:15

EBDteacher - very well said, that's what I meant, but didn't manage to say Blush

Original poster
Ormirian · 04/02/2011 21:35

"Thinking that having to restrain is the children's fault and shouldn't be 'put up with' is not an option"

Where did I say that?

OP posts:
EBDteacher · 04/02/2011 21:41

No, not you Ormirian- I got a bit of a feel of that from some of the responses. Some people not in the field don't understand restraint and see it as authoritatian, heavy handed and even callous. As your partner will know- it isn't when it's used correctly as part of a considered provision.

Maybe me being touchy. A lot of people (again not you) wade into this debate when they don't really understand it.

Starbear · 04/02/2011 22:01

EBD I think you also need a Winetoo. I have also have had to work with EBD children in a non-teaching role (done't ask). Very, Very, hard, it's also very touching when you realise that when they are attention seeking and annoying and seek you out to annoy, that it might be their only way of communicating with someone. My example of Ex Marine is just a very true story. (Hope his wife isn't on MN) Blush It just seems he need the inner resilience of his previous job to cope. And happens to be well supported at the school.

EBDteacher · 04/02/2011 22:18

Thank you the Wine is appreciated and I shall partake freely Wink.

PonceyMcPonce · 07/02/2011 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Ormirian · 07/02/2011 18:57

He came home about 11 with a bad case of the trots! Grin So no, not really. Thanks for asking though.

There were a few others with the same problem in the staff room apparently but I will keep an eye on him. When his dad was dying and for a while afterwards he got IBS really badly which seemed to stress related. Fingers crossed that isn't the case now.

OP posts:
PonceyMcPonce · 07/02/2011 18:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaydeeC · 09/02/2011 10:09

jumping in from the other side.
I am a parent of an AS child who has, on a couple of occasions, been 'positively handled'. I have also undergone training in how to restrain safely.
I find it extremely distressing to think of my child being restrained by others even to keep him safe.
To know that those that have to hold him to keep him safe don't do so lightly, and that it has a real effect on them, in a strange way, comforts me.
I would be very concerned at the comment that implied it was an 'embarassment' to have to restrain a child in a public place but, hey ho, we could laugh about it...

Original poster
Ormirian · 09/02/2011 11:10

laydeec - the 'embarrassment' comment surprised me a little too. I would be delighted if this thread helped you at all. FWIW none of DH's staff seemed to take it lightly either.

OP posts:
PoledrathePissedOffFairy · 09/02/2011 11:20

Orm, I've come to this very late, but I come from a family of teachers, one of whom works with very disturbed children, and has done for many years. He has never 'got used' to restraining children really. He tells himself that it was the best thing to do at the time and then tries to see if there was something he should have recognised earlier to stop it getting to that stage. Often, there isn't but sometimes there is - some cue from the child's behaviour, and he feels better that he can look for that cue in the future.

Much kudos to your DH - it's a job I could never do but it makes me feel better to know we have people in this world like your DH and my relative who can and do do it, to look after these children, who have often been failed in so many ways by the rest of our society.

SocialButterfly · 09/02/2011 19:57

I have come home today after having to restrain a student, I have scratches and bite marks on my hands and a bruise where he kicked me in the head so can totally sympathise with your DH. That said, I love my job and this is just something that has to be done in order to keep the student (and us) safe. While I dont take it lightly I dont come home and cry and maybe it is time he looked for another less stressful job. He could work with students with SN that have less behavioural issues.

KangarooCaught · 09/02/2011 20:06

Dh is same size/has tad more hair, usually chilled, but he gets the jitters afterwards in the same circumstances. Hope he's feeling ok.

LaydeeC · 10/02/2011 10:57

Ormirian, thank you Smile

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