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Original poster

Feeling really sorry for my ds

15 replies

redflag · 02/02/2011 16:30

So my son has started reception this year, he is getting along ok, although he pretends not to recognise numbers at school Confused.

One of the little girls in his class, is near enough a whole year older than him.He is the second youngest in class, and it really shows.

I feel so bad that because of when he was born, he will always be so far behind. He will always be working hard to catch up.

Anyone have any experience of this, or is it just me who thinks its unfair?

OP posts:
compo · 02/02/2011 16:37

It all evens out
they all get taught the same thing
you can read with him at home with books from the library if you want to speed things up but I wouldn't worry

AMumInScotland · 02/02/2011 16:39

He won't always be so far behind - they all even out a fair bit in the first couple of years. Obviously some kids will always be quicker than others, but the age difference stops being such an obvious factor.

If he knows this girl is nearly a year older than him, he probably doesn't feel bad about it anyway - and it's up to you and the teacher to make him feel good about his own progress, not spend his time comparing himself with others.

ConnorTraceptive · 02/02/2011 16:41

Try not to worry they really do all even out eventually.

Our headteacher always makes it clear to parents that they never focus too much on levels of ability until yr2 which is when he says it generally levels out.

webwiz · 02/02/2011 16:52

It does show in reception but it won't always.

DD1 was such a tiny little thing and she had a friend (with a very boasty mother) who was almost a whole year older than her. I felt terrible when this mother used to go on and on about all the things her DD could do (I felt bad about the reading and the numeracy but wasn't really bothered about the great skill in making pasta picturesHmm).

Both the girls are at university now and the fact that DD1 was in a different place in reception doesn't matter in the slightest.

Don't see it as catching up - just see it as learning to do things.

chocolatemarshmallow · 02/02/2011 18:02

It definitely will even out - and it is absolutely at the youngest age that it seems to show a great gap between them - by the end of the year it should be much less obvious honestly. I had first hand experience being a very end of August baby myself (!) and although it takes a little while to catch up at the early stages, there are also really great rewards later on - I left uni much younger than my peers feeling like I had time to spare to take an extra gap year if I wanted to and still get on career ladder at same age :)

Original poster
redflag · 02/02/2011 21:57

Thanks for all getting back to me, he doesn't have a clue he is the youngest, or others are "ahead" of him. We are big readers in our house, at least one a day before bed.

Bless him. I think its me really, he is my baby and i just worry too much about him. He has speech problems, he is tongue tied. He also stopped talking when he was about 16 months and taught himself sign language, so his speech is a bit behind. I just hope he has fun at school, and doesnt feel bad.

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simpson · 02/02/2011 22:06

My DS (august born) is the youngest in the whole year and he only really settled in after Easter in reception.

He is now in yr1 and I have a meeting tomorrow with his teacher about him finding his school books too easy Shock

I can totally understand where you are coming from and his first parents eve in reception was very negative* and I cam away sobbing Blush thinking he would always struggle and be behind due to his birthday etc...

But I think he just needed more time to settle in and now he is in the top group of everything Smile

MerryMarigold · 02/02/2011 22:14

redflag, I sympathise. My ds1 started Reception in September and it's been so hard - for me! I didn't expect it. I am not at all a helicopterish parent and he'd been to the school nursery for a year. But it was a massive difference as they learn 'proper' stuff and form 'proper' friendships etc. I have worried so much about him as he seems excluded from some friendship groups he'd like to be in, and is in a low group for learning (with all the kids who have English as a second language). And he is one of the oldest kids in the class. But he is very 'young'/ immature due to having younger siblings/ friends and also I have kept him a bit 'young' by taking his lead on what he likes and not necessarily encouraging him into older stuff (if he's happy with Peppa Pig, why show him Star Wars?) because I'd rather he had a more innocent childhood.

Basically, I think it's really hard when they go to school. I hope by the time the next 2 go, I will be a bit more hardened to it!!! And of course, they will be the ones with older siblings, so they'll be the cool ones that know all about DS's and Star Wars by Reception.

Original poster
redflag · 02/02/2011 22:14

Thanks simpson, that has made me feel a lot better. Smile

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Original poster
redflag · 02/02/2011 22:18

I totally know what you mean Merry, i think also boys do mature later than the girls too. I know what you mean by keeping them young, My Ds was my second born, his older brother died, and i think i clung onto him for dear life when he was born. Perhaps his may be part of the reason he seems such a baby Sad

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MerryMarigold · 02/02/2011 22:25

Wow, redflag. Sad That must make it even harder for you to 'let go' of him at school. Feeling loved is a lot more important that anything else in life, so I wouldn't worry about him AT ALL. I have to remind myself also that I would MUCH rather my ds1 was kind and happy and funny and eventually fulfilled in life, than popular and clever and talented.

wordsmithsforever · 02/02/2011 22:32

Really sorry for your loss redflag. My sister died when I was pregnant with my DD and it made me so aware of how fragile life is, which was (and is) quite scary sometimes. However, I am sure that your DS appearing young for the class is only as a result of his birth date (not because you've done anything wrong at all). He will catch up and your experience although heartbreaking will have made him such a cherished child who knows he is adored - which can only be a great thing.

Original poster
redflag · 02/02/2011 22:44

Thanks girls i must say his teacher said his emotional maturity is outstanding for a child his age. He is amazingly empathetic and puts other peoples feelings first.

I am so sorry to hear about your sister wordsmith, it really stops you in your tracks when we lose people we love, grief and fear have the power to hold us hostage.

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MerryMarigold · 02/02/2011 22:47

what a lovely thing for the teacher to say Smile. That would make me ecstatic, especially in such a young boy.

Original poster
redflag · 02/02/2011 23:01

Yeah i must say it did make me really happy.

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