DS2 in trouble at school

[PeachyClairPumpkinPie]

This thread sort of hovers between education and sn I guess.

As many of you will know DS1 has Aspergers and constantly beats DS2, often suddenly in the middle of the night. We are trying as hard as we can to get help for ds2 and ds1 goes to BIBIC in a few weeks.

Occasionally after a bad spell DS2 gets into truble for hitting at school. This happenned today. I was told he had bitten two kids and hurt another badly by kicking. I explained to his reception teacher about Sam (again). I told her that at home we have a policy whereby if DS2 is good in the mornings (a trigger time for him, as Sam tend to kick off at night) he gets a hug before school for five minutes or so. I was told this isn't apprpriate. Why? Surely this rewards the good behaviour without making a huge deal of the bad stuff and rewarding that with attention.

I was also told off for not having labelled DS2's clothes- but I HAVE! I checked, they're all there.

I was then chatting to my childminder on the way home (who has an older son with Aspergers who has been thru the same teacher). She told me this teacher didnt like boys, especialliy challenging ones. DS2 has communication issues due to glue ear (pronunciation, plus he concentrates so hard on what he's saying he doesn't make eye contact and wanders a bit).

I have noticed she didnt like him from the start: she'll say good morning to every kid but him, and she ignores him when he tries to talk to her. talks right over his head. She doesn't seem to like me much ever since I didnt attend the year meeting, but I did take a letter explaining that Dh was working nights and I couldn't get a babysitter as we don't have family nearby.

Childminder says you have to take concerns directly to the headmistress to get anything done.

Don't know what to do. DS2 certainly shouldn't have attacked anyone, but I feel a lot of sympathy for what he goes through. School teacher obviously has me marked down as a waste of space, you can just tell by her looks and snidey comments too.

It doesn't sound like this teacher is what you or your ds2 needs. Is there more than one teacher in the year? Might it be possible to move your son to another class? I know it is a bit drastic, but your son needs to have a teacher who likes him! I would see if you can see the headmaster and make sure that your ds gets additional support and understanding. I think that siblings of children with special needs can have a difficult time, and need a lot of extra care and love (from everyone!). Good luck, and I do hope that it can be easily sorted out. This teacher should not be making you feel bad! Many people find it difficult to make parents evenings, and most teachers will find you another time, especially if you wrote a letter (I tend to just hang about after coming out time and say I can't make it - help!)

I was wondering if his hearing warrants senco attention? Sam doesnt get anything for his Aspergers so I suspect they'll be reluctant (poor Senco is also a Yr1 Teacher and Religion Co-Ordinator in a faith school), but it's worth a go perhaps?

There is another teacher, don't know what she's like as DS1's WONDERFUL teacher now teaches a different year (boo).

Overall the school is great though and I suspect the others will be outstanding. But is this really likely to happen? Will they think I am just a paranoid / insufficient Mother (as implied by Teacher today with her parenting techniques are inappropriate comment)

does she have kids? did she say why the hug wasn't appropriate?

No, don't know if she has kids- she's in her fifties I would guess tho, so not young ones I would suspect

I got the impression with our school that they welcomed parents who were engaged with their children, and wanted to discuss issues (in a polite and constructive way, of course!) If you can bear to go in in a non judgemental way then why not ask initially to see the teacher and see if you have the time to talk to her if you can. It may be that your childminder is wrong, or that you can take corrective action, if she understands ds2 more. Otherwise do ask to see the headmaster, and do pursue the SENCO aspect - why not? You shouldn't have anything to lose.

I might go in to see her. I do try and talk to her after school, but (and she is aware of this) I have to grab ds1, then run off to grab ds2 whose class kicks out the other side of the school at the same time.

It's really hard to pick up two isn't it! I have one in yr2 and one in reception, and I find myself going from one end of the playground to the other when I do the drop off/pick ups. Not condusive to talking to the teacher. But we did have a session with the SENCO and ds's teacher last year at 9am, so it is possible.