I almost cried when I dropped DS off at school this morning :(

[Maddison]

DS is 4 and has just started reception. He was off school for almost 2 weeks due to impetigo and just went back last week.

The problem is, he doesn't want to go. The reason he doesn't want to go is because of a little boy (who I'll call X) he went to nursery with. I don't think they ever hit it off at nursery and this has continued into school. Most mornings when we are waiting to go in, X taunts DS calling him a naughty boy and as DS doesn't like this he tends to snap back. But this morning after X turned round just to call DS a naughty boy he didn't, he just stood and hung his head and when it was time for him to go in he just stared through the door as if he was thinking it's all going to start again, like he knew what he was walking in to .

There has been 2 incidents when the teacher has wanted to speak to me after school, both involving this other boy, the first time my DS had bitten X's finger (I now believe that X had wound DS up prior to this) and then last week when X bent DS's fingers back, he told the teacher then went and hit him back.

It's parents evening tonight so we are going to discuss this with the teacher, but for now I'm so sad at the thought of my little boy being teased. I don't expect any replies just needed to get this off my chest a little. I'm off for a cry now

That is sad. Luckilu you have an opportunity to discuss this tonight and hopefully find a solution to end it. Hopefully things will improve for him soon.

Poor you, no wonder you feel so upset. I'm sure this kind of thing has happened before in the school and that they are experienced at nipping it in the bud as much as possible. Try if you can to make time to also think about the positive aspects of school for your son. Big hug.

Awww poor you and ds

Can you arrange a meeting with Xs parent/s as well as the teacher? I know this seems a bit heavy handed with 4 year olds but it needs nipping in the bud by the sounds of it.

Maybe in a few weeks things will settle as having 2 weeks off must upset ds and the other kids need to get used to him being around. Try not to worry to much though.

FWIW, my ds2 has just started reception and his best mate is the biggest 4 yr old you've ever seen who loves nothing more than hitting kids in the tummy, encouraged by his dad Luckily ds2 hasn't got into bother up to now and I gently tell him if he sees L doing this to tell him not to. DS2 seems to have some influence over L so here's hoping he'll stop it. I told Ls dad he was an idiot for encouraging him but it was water off a duck's back.

Thanks for the messages, it's lovely to know that you get support on here.

I think what makes things worse for me and DH as parents is that DH was bullied quite badly at school and nothing was done about it until he'd had enough one day and hit the bully and knocked him out. We obviously don't want things to go that far and desperately want our son to be happy at school.

Curiousmama - it's usually X's granda who drops him off and picks him up, I'm sure he has seen the teasing happening but doesn't really do anything about it. He does seem approachable and if it continues after today I think I'll try and have a word with him about it.

This is SO not the start I wanted for DS

Poor little mite. Good luck with seeing the teacher tonight. Perhaps he/she could talk to the whole class about how important it is to be kind to others etc.

tell me to bog off if I'm totally out of order but what about inviting said 4 year old round for tea? Win him over so to speak. After all he is only 4 and he may have someone influencing him like L. L is a gorgeous little boy btw, I'd love to kidnap him

Nothing constructive to add really, just wanted to lend support.

I cried on Sat when DS got his first pair of shoes so Lord knows what I'll be like when he starts school!

nothing to ad just wanted to offer a hug for you and ds {{{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}} hope it gets sorted soon xxxxxx

Thanks for the support and hugs everybody

I think I might just do that curiousmama, it couldn't do any harm - thats if DS is okay with it of course

That said, I think a similar thing happened to my older brother, they turned ot to be really good mates! Heres hoping...

Nothing constructive to say really, just that I feel for you. I am dreading my lovely little dd starting school next year and potentially being subject to things like this (although I realise it is all normal kids stuff and they have to deal with it etc) - kids can be such gits can't they?

I had to invite the little Sht that was winding my son up out to tea the other week as I couldnt see ant other way round it . The little sod behaved perfectly didnt put a foot wrong and he has kept off his back now so it seems it mught have worked . The only thing i would say is can you take them out for tea say to a cafe and go the the park first I dont know why but I didnt want to invite this little darling * to my sons home as I felt it was unfair like inviting the enemy into his space if you see what i mean . Hope it all works out ok for you .

Can you tell its late by all the spelling mistakes . LOL

Hi all, just to update you.

DS's teacher last night was lovely, she was really shocked to hear that DS was being picked on as she says he is very happy in class and this is definitely not going on in the classroom. She has had a word with the head and both of them assured us that this will be dealt with as they take bullying very seriously and want DS to be happy. They will advise us of any incidents and the action taken and for now all teachers are aware of this and will keep a track of them at breaktimes.

Overall I'm much happier than I was yesterday but DS still didn't want to go to school this morning because of X

I'm glad things seem to have settled down for you Mandie - long may it continue!!

But once again, thanks for all the support, I knew I could count on Mumsnet

Oh and DS got an excellent report BTW

Aw maddison. I'm having something similar at the moment. I've had it in the past with dd and both ds's. I find it comes and goes. (one of the reasons I'm considering home educating actually)

They're so young to be dealing with this aren't they.

I'm so sorry for you and ds. I hope it sorts itself out.

Hope it gets sorted out Maddison. I do worry about DS in reception because I don't think he is assertive enough but he tells us so little I don't really know what is going on. Do you think the two weeks off has made it worse, sort of built it up in your DS's head?

My ds went back yesterday after just 4 days off and the teacher said he was really down. I remember how his confidence rose in the summer hols.

Hi, DS didn't even mention X while he was off school so I don't think this has had any sort of bearing on how much DS is affected by X. This was going on in nursery but DS didn't seem bothered by it at all, it only became apparent yesterday morning that DS is getting upset by it.

Spidermama, what is your school doing about this if you don't mind me asking?

Glad you didn't think I was out of order Maddison Hope yor ds is ok today.

Well, it seems all was fine at school yesterday.

However when I collected him at hometime X started again calling DS names outside the school gates . His granda just said 'X stop it' and left it at that. I, on the otherhand, said 'Don't worry [DS] we'll tell the teacher in the morning'. Maybe X's granda overheard because he was ok this morning, telling DS he is He-man, DS replied 'No X, you are a bully' hopefully this is the start of DS standing up for himself!

it's absolutely OK for you to tell off this other boy, you know, if you're there when he's picking on your DS...

Yeah I think I will Philippat next time he starts, which I am sure he will.