Scottish system- anyone regretted deferring their chid?

[mummysleepy]

My DS is nearly 4 and at nursery in Scotland. His teacher suggested we should defer his entry to primary for a year because she feels emotionally and socially he is not ready. Academically he seems really bright and I think he would cope with that side of school but weighing things up we think we probably WILL defer him to allow him a bit longer to mature.
Has anyone in the same situation ended up regretting keeping them back?

Have to decide for definite in next week or so. Childminder thinks he would be fine to go to school but I think he is better in 1-1 with an adult than in group situation iyswim

My dts were 4 1/2 (December birthday) when they went to school. Sometimes I wish I had deferred however they do well at school so I hope I made the right decision, again it is more the emotional side they sometimes have a hard time with. Certain kids getting favouritism, teasing etc. Academically though the books they choose to read at home are ones from P7 (they are currently in P5).

At the time the nursery staff had said they should go to P1 but it was the parents' choice.

There are children who were deferred in their class but I think it is up to how you believe your ds would cope.

I didn't defer myself but I have several friends (including one primary teacher) who have and none of them have regretted it.

I probably would have deferred if there had been proper nursery education when my son was 4.6. I found that in P1 he was expected to sit still a lot more than I think is appropriate for a 4 year old, and the teacher even complained, on occasion, that he was childish.

It all seemed to work out OK as he got older but, because he was physically slight, he never made it into any sports teams which he might well have done if he had been amongst the oldest in the class.

I was encouraged by nursery to allow DS to go at 4 ( January birthday) and he ended up being youngest in class- several kids in the class ( those deferred from previous year) were 6 before he was even 5. He could cope well with the routine, wasnt tired, made friends and could look after himself fine, but his fine motor skills stopped him writing much and he just didn't have the patience to sit still. He struggled for 2 years until we had a school move anyway and we took the chance to get him to repeat P2 when he became one of the eldest, he didn't feel he was behind all the time and within a term or two he was reading the same books as the kids in the class above. Our instinct when he was in nursery was that he wasn't ready but we allowed ourselves to be talked into school by the nursery staff- so I would go with what you feel your child is ready for!

there are some areas where I think he'd be fine but others where I know he would probably struggle.
He can still barely hold a pencil properly whereas some other kids his age are drawing amazing pictures, he just scribbles!
However he knows all his letters and numbers and is a very good speaker. He also has good concentration.
Socially he can be a bit hesitant esp in bigger groups and I guess at this age this is possibly the most important thing. I am hoping that if we defer another year at nursery will boost his confidence a bit.
Physically he is not great either, not able to hop, or ride bike but the scooter we got him for christmas will hopefully help improve his balance etc!

thanks for all the responses much appreciated

I'm trying to make this decision too at the moment. I think DS is bright enough, but not socially mature enough and I just don't want to put him at a disadvantage later in his education.

Nursery don't think we should defer and I am a bit concerned about how he would feel seeing the big boys go to school and him staying behind with the younger children.

In some ways I wish we didn't have a choice as it is a difficult decision to make.

Your DS sounds just like mine. We aren't in scotland and didn't have a chance to defer. My DS is quite bright, good vocab, but anxious in new situations, wears 3 year old clothes, not good pencil skills, can't hop and isn't particularly socialbe. i was really worried about sending him to school in september (england) aged 4y3 but to our surprise he has settled really well and loves it. I'm sure i would have deferred if i had had the opportunity, and i'm not saying he won't ever have problems later on, but he is doing ok academically and seems to really suit school, actually more than nursery iykwim, even though he is immature.
anyway sorry for the ramble but just wanted to say, it might be suprisingly ok if you don't defer.

just wanted to share my experience. ds1 is feb birthday-youngest in his year (born on 27th so just got in!)
we chose not to defer-nursery said he was ready, very confident, eager to learn despite the fact he couldnt really write anything, still hadnt decided what hand to use even.
P.1 he really thrived-first to learn all the sounds and letters, excellent reader, teachers very happy with him. he wobbled a bit in P.2, but now in P3 we are back on track.
school suited him, his last six months in nursery bored him-his teachers told me they couldnt find anything to occupy him!!

do you have any idea what the numbers would be in the p1 class next year? in p2, ds1's class was quite big compared to his p1 class, which i dont think helped him and led to him struggling. just thinking about what you said re one to one vs group situation iykwim?

I did have a big long post about this but managed to delete it all
It has been shown that it is less damaging in the long run to keep a child back at this nursery stage than to put them up to primary 1 and them not be ready.
It is also not neccessarily obvious at early primary level the ones that were put up too early but is oftne easy to tell later on in primary and into secondary.

Honestly listen to the nursery staff they do not make this suggestion lightly and they know what is required to cope in school and if they think he shouls stay he should stay, much easier now than later.

I know one girl that is in 1st year now that was kept back further up the school as her mother never listened to the nursery staff when they told her this and put her to school.
Again keeping her back was not a choice made lightly by the school and she is a bright kid and doing well now but was emotionally not ready at 4 which affected her academically further down the line.

I've deferred both of my kids.
dd1 has a january birthday,and I felt that an extra year at nursery would be beneficial.
In retrospect i think she would have been fine to have gone at 4 and a half but she really enjoyed being the eldest in the class, so have no regrets about her.
ds was too immature for school, and has a mild stammer and was small for his age so it was an easy decision to defer him( october birthday)
dd2 is 3 and will go at almost 5( early september birthday)
I've spoken to lots of parents about this issue and no - one has ever regretted deferring - only regrets are sending children when they're not ready.

I think it probably does come down to confidence and maturity, and certainly confidence is not great at times, though this has been improving.
I am glad teacher has suggested it actually as it has taken pressure off us in a way, we know that she has a lot of experience etc.it would be much harder if teacher was saying he WAS ready and we weren't sure iyswim

Plus it means I get any extra year of having my baby (!) at home with me
luckily DS2 is September baby so we won't have any of this decision making to worry about! And DC3 due in May will be one of the older ones in their class so no worries there either
I was speaking to his teacher about it today, and she did say that often the difference is less obvious at this age, but when they become teenagers the relative immaturity (esp for boys) is more of an issue

thanks for the posts

Help! I am having this exact dilemma and have been having sleepless nights for months, waking up worrying about what the right decision is for my boy. My son is a February birthday so will almost certainly be one of the youngest in his class if he goes to school. At the moment he is mixing with all the pre school boys in nursery, though initially struggled to engage socially when he started nursery, is now very confident and makes friends easily. I think he struggled at first as it was a new nursery, following having settled really well at a different nursery in his antipreschool year. His sister was also with him then which helped. Generally he has always been confident socially with children his age and older. (He struggled with all the wee ones coming in after Christmas and gets frustrated when the younger kids don't know the rules). He wants to go to school. None of his pre school friends will be going to the same school, and I worry how he will settle without them. He is a very bright wee boy, and nursery staff all feel he is ready for school.
His reading and number skills are really good, he recognised all letters and numbers, he has good problem solving skills and his vocabulary is excellent for his age. My main concern about him going to school would be his fine motor skills for writing and drawing. I certainly think he could cope with the demands of p1 but my dilemma is should he have to cope with being the youngest.
Would he benefit in the longer term from an extra year of pre school, going into school with the confidence and maturity to cope with life's challenges?
Would he be disadvantaged by having another year of preschool education which he finds 'boring' ( his words) , that I don't feel meets his learning needs, alongside younger children whom he doesn't engage well with?
Any comments would be really appreciated. Oh, and of course I don't want to let go of my baby before I have to!

We moved to Scotland from England last year and our DTS birthday is in february so lots of schools we visited recommended keeping them down a year. Academically I didn't think this was a good idea as they are quite bright and would have been bored, I assumed. As it transpires they are doing extremely well academically in P3 however it is notable the difference emotionally dealing with the other children's more mature understanding of the world around them. This has not held my DTS back and if anything has raised their maturity levels. However, they are in a small class and are quite confident. I think self esteem/confidence has a lot to do with this and a young child in any year group would need this to deal with the challenges of being in school at a younger age.

Would definately go with your gut instinct..Am teacher and mum of Feb dd(not at school yet..!)...Have seen many chn in P1 who have been deferred by a year(and some who have not) and progress really depends on the individual child and their readiness for school , academically and maturity

With hindsight, it would have been better to defer DS who is a January birthday, but it was not an option at the time although we did suggest it and school and nursery said no, he'll be fine.

Remember, your child may be ready for P1/2 now, but life gets much tougher at S3, 4 and 5. Believe me, having someone sitting their Highers who is almost a full year younger than his peers is no picnic, and ds isn't going to do as well as he might have done given another year to mature. We will never know now. Also, technically, in Scotland, he could go to Uni in October this year if he got the grades - at 16 and 8 months - not something I would be happy with.

I suppose what I'm saying is to go with your gut instinct, but take the long term view, and if you can, talk to parents with teenagers too.

I don't know if there is any real way to know for sure.

I didnt defer my November born son. We were advised to send him even though we felt he was a bit emotionally immature. He has struggled with friendship issues over the first two terms, has had tantrums and been involved with some fighting but now he has matured and is doing well in class. He has become a popular boy with his classmates. His fine motor skills have improved. (We never encouraged him to write before he started school.) We were never worried about him academically.

His teacher told us of some new American research which has shown deferring children makes no real difference as they grow up..although she is sceptical of this as the sample size was small.

What is obvious is the marked maturity of those 6 year olds in his class who have been deferred. I have sat in on the class a number of times and they seem very capable of completing the set work quickly and a bit disengaged.

Get all the advice you can and go with your gut. Maybe take other parents' advice with caution though as they are always going to justify their choice! (As am I here!)

Don't do it just because everyone else seems to be.

We deferred our son (late Feb birthday) and have never regretted it. His sister is 2 years and 6 weeks younger, so deferring kept them 2 years apart at school, rather than 3 years if we hadn't deferred. He's now about to sit his Highers aged 17. I'm so glad he didn't sit them last year, aged 16; I really think his chances of a good University place are greater because he's sitting his Highers at 17 rather than 16.

Also he was born and has tracked up the 45th centile height and weight wise, which is fine. However, if he'd been the youngest in his class (v likely with a late Feb birthday), and slightly below average height, I think he'd have been obviously "little."

I know lots of people who have deferred and don't know any who have regretted it.

I went to school at 4, did highers at 16, went to university at 17 etc (gap year not known as an option). I didn't realise it much at the time but looking back I was obviously quite immature. I used to look at the people who'd just finished school in England and who were basically 18 1/2 and they were like different creatures, totally.

I don't think you can ever know if it's 'the best' thing to do. There's more to school than the academic work. I think the strongest argument is that in the longer term, they hopefully gain some maturity and physical size. I wonder if the problem with disengaged pupils in a class is not more of a problem with school in general, iyswim.

Also; how many others are deferring? If the rest of the Jan / Feb birthdays are deferring and you don't, he could be the youngest by a fair bit. One of my friend's daughters was in a class where there had been deferrals of all the Jan/Feb birthdays, most of the Dec and one of the Nov birthdays. Friend's daughter had an Oct birthday and was 3rd youngest in her class of 25!

Plus, if you don't defer and he's in a class with children who might be last years deferrals with a Dec birthday, he could be 13 months younger than the oldest in his class iyswim.

Didn't defer my son as nursery thought he'd be fine, but it might have been a good idea. He turned out to have dyslexia and struggled with that and being a bit distractable in early primary school. Initially we just put it down to him being a boy and one of the youngest in his class.
Also he's quite sporty but the years difference meant he struggled at year based sports competitions.
Now age 14 he's fine, although entering puberty a bit later than his peers, plus will be 17 when he goes to university.
He keeps up OK academically now and isn't more immature than the other daft teenage boys!

I can't advice on whether to defer or not but your description of your son sounds like the majority of children who will be starting school this year.