Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Education

Join the discussion on our Education forum.

Flip

Original poster

is ds being persecuted at his pre-school nursery??

22 replies

saadia · 01/10/2005 20:26

I'm probably thinking about this too much and over-reacting so just need a bit of perspective.

Ds1 (aged 3.5) started at his pre-school nursery a couple of weeks ago. It has a good reputation and he will be going on to the attached school which also has a good reputation - the best in the area, and we are unlikely to get him into anywhere else that is remotely satisfactory. I had very good vibes when I visited the school and the nursery.

Anyway, a few things have happened which have caused me some unease. The nursery has big windows so parents can see from outside pretty much everything inside.

A couple of days after he started when I went to collect him all the children were sitting on the floor and when ds saw me he got all excited and started waving and saying "mamma, mamma". The teacher said to him "Now don't start A", which I thought was a bit much considering he'd only been there for a couple of days.

On Friday when I went to get him, it was one little girl's birthday and she was giving out little toys to all the kids (sweets and chocs aren't allowed). They were all sitting and the teacher was calling them up one-by-one. Ds was right in front of the teacher and the girl, saying "can I have one?", but the teacher wasn't giving him one and was calling up other children. When she saw me, she gave him one.

Do you think she was trying to teach him to wait his turn and not be pushy or does she just not like him?

I have asked about his behaviour and they said he is well-behaved and very confident but he is very ambivalent about going there.

I have no real choice but to send him there, is this as good as it gets in state-school nurseries?

OP posts:

Jimjams · 01/10/2005 20:28

I think you're over reacting (sorry), but I can't really see anything odd in this

misdee · 01/10/2005 20:29

think she was teacxhing him to wait his turn.

Original poster

saadia · 01/10/2005 20:31

Thanks jj, I was hoping people would say that. I'm probably a bit too over-protective and anxious about sending him anywhere and need to get a grip.

OP posts:

philippat · 01/10/2005 20:32

sorry, don't see what's wrong with either of those situations. Part of preschool is learning to do what the teacher expects and fit within their way of doing things. He's used to getting your attention immediately, school's not quite the same.

stitch · 01/10/2005 20:32

i think persecuted is defiitly too strong a word. and fwiw, i think that yes, maybe you are over reacting a littl ebit.

triceratops · 01/10/2005 20:33

I don't think that even the most evil of nursery teachers could take against a 3.5 year old in a couple of weeks. They usually like to give a treat of any kind to the kids who are sitting nicely first. It sounds like she was waiting for your ds to sit still and be quiet so that she could reward that behaviour. It always takes them a while to learn the rules of nursery as they are so different from home.

Ambivalent sounds quite good to me. My ds absolutely hated nursery for the first couple of months before he got used to it. I would recommend that you give it time. Do you have to do a parent duty? That usually takes the mystery out of the routine.

Aimsmum · 01/10/2005 20:33

Message withdrawn

Pinotmum · 01/10/2005 20:33

Yes he was being encouraged to wait his turn. I work in a pre-school and sometimes even I think all this itting on floor waiting your turn business is too much but it is amazing how soon the children settle into this.

WigWamBam · 01/10/2005 20:34

I can't see anything odd in this either, but if you're concerned, you need to raise your questions directly with them. You don't know how he had been behaving prior to being told not to start - if he had been playing up a little then it's a perfectly reasonable thing to say imo. The second instance may have been showing everyone how to wait their turn - if they were all being called up one by one then I'm sure he wasn't the only child who was having to wait.

If you hear the staff saying things that make you uneasy then ask them about it - if you only have half the story it's difficult to make a judgment.

Original poster

saadia · 01/10/2005 20:48

Thanks everyone. Glad to hear this is all normal. Feel a bit silly now.

I guess I'm finding it difficult to make the adjustment to someone else disciplining him. Dh thinks it's good for ds to realise that he is not the centre of everyone's universe.

triceratops I would like to do parent duty but can't because I have ds2 to look after.

Aimsmum, I don't know if he's happy. From the evening he starts saying, continuously "I don't want to go to my nursery" and in the morning also he is reluctant and keeps saying "will you stay with me?". When we get there I send him in say bye-bye and rush off to hide then spy on him from the window. He sort of wanders round aimlessly then plays with some cars and aeroplanes. When he comes out, he seems happy enough and says he wants to go again. I guess I need to give it more time, as triceratops said.

OP posts:

Aimsmum · 01/10/2005 20:51

Message withdrawn

mymama · 02/10/2005 10:15

Agree they are teaching him to wait his turn. That said, it is very hard to watch. My dd is 7 and I still find it difficult to watch her in class being disciplined by the teacher. Don't think this is going to change either

rey · 02/10/2005 10:41

Only thing I would disagree with but you will find you have to put up with this to a certain extent (people are not perfect) is the way she said "Now don't start A". We try to teach manners and respect and this kind of remark is not nice. However, I did speak out once as my dd was told something in a not very nice way at school and it upset her so I felt we would not speak to our dd in this manner and the teacher would not speak to her in this way if we had been there I am sure. Sometimes humour helps them to see that you don't see something as acceptable and helps them to keep in check of how they speak after all children pick up things quickly. It's hard once your child is in the hands of others.

MamaG · 02/10/2005 10:46

I think you did the right thing to bring it up for dicussion though, my dd was quite unhappy at her nursery and we left it a bit too long, by thinking we were being over protective. She is 6 now and very happily settled at school, but I still feel upset that I didn't do anything about it at the time.

Majorca · 02/10/2005 11:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

saadia · 02/10/2005 20:37

Thanks all for your views. I also thought the "don't start" comment was not right, which is why I asked the nursery nurse how his behaviour was, and she said it was good and he was "confident" - perhaps another word for boisterous. He is very talkative and I suspect he may have been talking too much, still it was hard to see her speaking to him like this.

I do make a point of asking them now how he's been, even though I don't want to come across as pushy but I just don't want to leave anything to chance.

Not really sure what I can say now though, unless something else happens. I do now go early to collect him and see them all playing outside and watch from a distance just to see how he seems and how the staff are with the children.

This is all so much harder than I thought it would be. I will try to volunteer one day to help out at the nursery, perhaps get dh to take a day off and watch ds2, but it may mean that ds1 expects me to stay every day.

OP posts:

Socci · 02/10/2005 20:45

Message withdrawn

Socci · 02/10/2005 20:47

Message withdrawn

puff · 02/10/2005 20:52

I don't you are overreacting about the "don't start........" comment. I think that's an unpleasant turn of phrase for a teacher to use towards a young child, however long they have been in a nursery. This has probably made you sensitive to other things you have observed, which would not have bothered you otherwise.

I'd suggest keeping an eye on things, I'm sure he'll settle in and maybe this comment was a one off from a stressed out teacher trying to settle in lots of new children.

puff · 02/10/2005 20:52

sorry, missed out "think"!

Original poster

saadia · 02/10/2005 21:27

Thanks socci and puff, I will definitely keep an eye on things.

I spoke to another mum at the nursery who has one child there now and another in yr1 who had been there, and she had in the past volunteered there, and she said she was perfectly happy with the staff. Others have also remarked on how caring they are.

I don't actually want to read too much into what ds says, but he is not overly enthused by his teachers. He once said they were "so jealous" and that he didn't like them because they kick people. Of course I don't believe this and he has in the past said quite ridiculous things about friends and relatives which I know are not true.

Whereas, at his previous play-group he used to refer to one of the ladies as his mum.

OP posts:

mumeeee · 04/10/2005 17:53

Just seen this thread. I work in a nursery and don't see anything odd in this. We try and teach the children to wait their turn and usualy give stuff out first to those children who don't ask. Having said this we are more lenient on children in the first few weeks and would have probably said to your son. Yes you can I will give you one in a minute.

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread